You CAN and WILL heal.

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 15 - 7AM

Sparrow

You CAN and WILL heal.

I can't express enough to everyone, especially the new members of this forum, that you can and will heal eventually. I remember all too well, the pain that you are enduring. It is like no pain you have ever experienced in your life, nor will you ever experience again. I remember all too well, where you are right now. It wasn't that long ago that I myself was there. I honestly didn't know if I was strong enough to get through this, as I am sure you are questioning your own strenth as well. This is a dark, lonely place for you to be right now, that is understandable. You begin to wuestion everything and everyone in your life. Why don't you matter? Why doesn't anyone care? Why did this have to happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? Why can't he see me for the beautiful, loving, caring person that I am? He will never be loved the way I love him........

Please, please know that you are not alone, you are valued, you are loved. This is something that you will eventually come to learn, come to know, and most of all, come to believe. But it takes time, a long time, and a lot of work. That is why we are all here, to help one another. This is a safe haven for you to come to, where people have been through or are going through exactly what you have or are. This forum, along with therapy, will help you to heal.

Make no mistake about it, you have been violated. And you need to heal. But in order to do that, you need to honestly understand what has happened to you. This person, the narc, did not fall in love with you, he does not view you as the end of all, he does not see you as "the one he can't live without", he see's this in no one. And this is what you need to realize. He is nothing but a predator. Someone who sought you out, to benefit from and eventually destroy. I just asked a member if she would love her rapist. The answer would of course be "no". Well, he is your rapist. He raped your soul and left you for dead. And once you see him for what he truly is, you will be more than anxious to begin to truly want to heal. To get yourself out of the "rut" that you are in and move steadfastly forward in your healing and leave this monster disguised as a human being behind you.

Concentrate on WHAT he is, not who you think he is. Because who you think he is, is a figment of your imagination and WHAT he is is real. And always, always remember this............

He is WORTHLESS and you are WORTH IT!

Much love to all of you today and every day!

#2 Dec 16 - 4AM

Skb

Thank you

ThAnk you. I lost the battle last night.....but not the war. I can't wait for the day your words will be my words. He has raped my soul and I let him do it. I am so angry at myself for that, but it won't ever happen again. The is the gift I have received.

#3 Dec 15 - 10AM

NarcJunkie

Thanks for this post :)

I cried when I read it... I need to keep it together these days and focus on my new job, but there is still so much hurt inside of me, and your post reminded me of that in a good and kind way. I still need to heal. And it's ok that it takes time... Some days it's so very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Eypecially when it's been many, many months and your friends and family are getting tired of your suffering and keep telling you to "just drop it" or "just move on.. he's moved on, too". It would be great if you or other members of this forum could write a post sometime on how this horrible N-experience has made you stronger, better persons... like what were the positive effects of the whole ordeal (aside from being rid of the assclown...). Because I think a lot of us newer members have a hard time seeing the bigger picture and finding a positive sense in it all. I feel mostly old and sad and disillusioned at the moment.. although that might be because it's winter and crappy weather and Xmas all at the same time. :)

#4 Dec 15 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

Sparrow

Hi Narcjunkie, It takes a

Hi Narcjunkie, It takes a long time and a lot of effort. Read as many posts as you can. All of mine a basically positive, as is many others. Also, read the good bye letters. They should help you to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a positive sense in it all, it's just very hard for you to see right now. Honestly, some heal, but never see the positive, because in some cases there isn't. In mine, and many others, there is.......evryones story is different, the end result of the relationship is the same, yet the recovery differs as well. Stay close to the forum and educate yourself on the disorder and more importantly, educate yourself on "you" and what made you suseptible to the narc, while others weren't. That was an important step for me. Learning that, gave me my wings. :) Hang in there and stay strong my friend.

#5 Dec 15 - 9AM

Sparrow

Used, manic in depression, in

Used, manic in depression, in other words, Bi-Polar........where a person suffers with mild to extreme bouts of depression, mood swings with what they call "rapid cycling" they can spend weeks in bed at times and are sometimes suicidal. Bi-Polar disorder is genetic and can also be treated, NPD is developed and is rarely treated. I think sometimes, members make the mistake between the two and get a bit confused. I was lucky, with narc #2, he was bi-polar and narcissistic. That was a lot of fun......NOT. :)

#6 Dec 15 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

Caligirl

Sparrow

Mine said he had ADHD, but I'm thinking he had both Bi-polar and NPD. Mid-relationship, while I was still idealized, but he would give ST, he said he should see a dr to get some meds for his ADHD. He would go back and forth with "I love you/I'm done" etc. One time gave me a card about soulmates and wrote "I love you," but I said something he didn't like, and within seconds it was "That's it. I'm done." You explained the two disorders well and this post helped. Thank you! xx

#7 Dec 15 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

Used

sparrow

Thanks for that ,and I have just posted to alissa about BI-POLAR...your second narc...OMG, COS THIS WAS MY EXN HE HAD BOTH......GREAT STUFF...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#8 Dec 15 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

Sparrow

I just replied to her too and

I just replied to her too and than saw yours on there as well! :) It was a joy wasn't it? OMG.....the mood swings, the high high and the low lows. He refused medication. Would self medicate. Wow! Was that really me with him? Geez.......... :)

#9 Dec 15 - 9AM

Used

sparrow

LOVE YOUR POST AS ALWAYS..... SPOT ON... YOY DO SAY THEY ARE NOT MANIC IN DEPRESSION? ....WHAT DOES THAT MEAN PLEASE?

#10 Dec 15 - 9AM

Goldie

There is light at the end of the tunnel

Thanks for another wonderful post Sparrow. There is hope, may not always seem that way, it is coming.....Just keep doing the work and you will soon be free. God bless, Goldie

#11 Dec 15 - 8AM

heritage

Thanks sparrow. When you

Thanks sparrow. When you write about what he really is, it helps me to heal because it shifts my focus from masked to unmasked. Since he is in St Thomas this week with old/new gf I have had visuals in my head. If I picture them together sexually it does not bother me because I know it's not love and he was very cold in the bedroom. So then I started visualizing romantic dinners, boat rides, walks on the beach and it brings me down. And is that fake also or is he really enjoying himself when he is doing that? I get a little confused. It's been a tough week. Thanks for letting me lean on you.

#12 Dec 15 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Laughs Last (not verified)

change the picture in your head

I had the same visions and then had to shake myself and tell myself, "what the hell am I jealous of??? That SHE'S now being told her boobs aren't big enough? Her nailpolish is the wrong color, her hair is wrong... If they ARE in bed or walking around holding hands, he may say some lovely things and then all of a sudden he'll drop a bomb on that poor woman JUST LIKE HE DID TO ME." The only way he'll make himself feel superior with his lack of money, lack of ability to keep a job and his tiny little penis will be to put her down immediately - I'm sorry for her. THEN after they have a couple of wonderful walks and make-out sessions, wait'll she sees that he'll be completely MIA for the holiday and give her NOTHING even though he'll SAY he's going to shop for her just to make her expect a gift and get let down and confused about it on Christmas. Then he'll reach out and be all sweet once the holiday is over to get his supply from her again. Yeah, I know exactly what kind of Christmas that poor girl is in for - and I'm thanking God it isn't me for a 3rd Christmas in a row...

#13 Dec 15 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

Sparrow

Legacy, as hard as it is to

Legacy, as hard as it is to do, please get visions of him and the OW out of your head. She is not special, she is not different from you, she is his next "target" She is insignificant to you and your healing. She will be where you are sooner than you think, unless she see's the "red flags", acknowledges them, and runs for the hills. Which she very well could. Not every woman a narc seeks out, falls for him. As far as whether he is enjoying himself or not, the answer would be "yes" although you don't want to hear that, I am not going to lie to you. He doesn't feel the way we do about things, but he is capable of having fun, enjoying the "moment". They are not manic in depression,that confuses some I believe, they are human beings, they just don't act like it. They are different from us because they are void of emotion, but of course can still enjoy every day activities and vacations etc..........it's no different than being able to see or hear, just as we do. I know thats not what you want to hear, but unfortunately, it is what it is. Now, with that said, they ARE NOT emotionally connected, so their life on a whole is empty, they are crippled emotionally, and will never feel a connection of the heart to anyone. And isn't that what life is all about? Connections and love? You will prosper, where he will not. He will have a constant cycle of relationships, never having a real connection to any one, never truly knowing what love is........our sentence is 1 - 2 years FOR good behavior, his is a life sentence, a prisoner in of his own. I will take the 1 - 2 years any day!

#14 Dec 15 - 7AM

Kukla

Thanks Sparrow

Needed this today more than anything since it's my XN's birthday and the outpouring from his friends/followers is quite sickening. ( Little do they know like I do now, that he hates all of them deep down inside). You are so right in everything you day. My sadness has turned to anger and really cannot wait for the day it turns to indifference. xx

#15 Dec 15 - 7AM

whskywmn5

Thanks Sparrow

Thank you for the words of encouragement....was a excellent post. I have finally moved out of the stone age, and bought myself a Kindle....first book I bought and downloaded was the one here......I wish I had gotten it months ago, every word that I have read in it so far has been right on the money....I would also recommend it as reading for any and all of our close family and friends that would like to understand the type of relationship we were involved with...

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