Yes, I heard from him....

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#1 Jul 29 - 7AM

Better than ever

Yes, I heard from him....

So, it's been 5 weeks of NC and I received a text last night from the exNarc. It said " Just wanted to make sure you are ok...something just hit me as I was sitting here and I wanted to make sure that everything's ok. Sorry if I bothered you..." I received this text at 11:36 PM.....

You guys were right....they DO come back....OY!!!!! I did not respond.....

#2 Jul 29 - 5PM

strongblackcoffee

Better

These sickos all speak the same language. Mine has sent that exact message. I made the mistake of responding. Next one was about sex. Try to stay strong! Five weeks is great! Good for you! I know his hard you haves worked for every one of those days! Peace Coffee

#3 Jul 29 - 1PM

smiles

I wish I wouldn't have responded......

Good for you for not responding. My nac text me over an hour ago. Saying "Hey...you've been on my mind. How are you?" To be honest with everyone here he broke up with me over a month ago and IMMEDIATELY started dating/sleeping with 4 other women. Yes 4! I'm not proud of what i'm about to tell you guys but I still had his password to his email and wanted to see if it still worked. It did. To my shock and disgust I read everything...everything. I read all the details of his affairs and I was a wreck for a few days. I told him I did it and asked if he would change his password. He was pissed and said I took everything he wrote in his emails out of context. Yeah right!! I did apologize and asked for his forgiveness (i know pathetic) he said...lol..." I understand why you did it and I still love you." I blocked his number so he couldn't call or text me. This is really hard for me right now. I have been battling whether or not he's a narc but today proved he is. I was doing great until for some reason last night I unblocked his number. Why do I want him to contact me so bad??? I kept asking myself that. Well, low and behold he text me this morning with the above message.."Hey..you've been on my mind. How are you?" I sat with it for about an hour and gave in and text him back.."I'm really good. Thank you for asking.. :)". His reply.."That's fantastic.... Have a great weekend!!!" To which I said nothing. I feel like a complete loser right now. When we broke up he was crying saying we just didn't fit and that he will ALWAYS love me. How do I get through this? Congrats Better Than Ever for not responding. I feel like I'm back to square one. I know he's spending the weekend with one of his OW and it kills me inside that he said "have a nice weekend." Any advice from any one of you strong women is truly appreciated. He wasn't as bad as some of the stories I have read but I do know now that he is a Narc. How do I stop beating myself up and move on through this?

#4 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #26)

Beach Dreamer

Clarity!! Sometimes is a Gift!!

Now that you have seen the truth for yourself(via his e-mails), you will see this situation with better clarity. That was a gift to you! A painful one but a gift none the less. I once saw an ex N walk his new girlfriend to her car at 8am just like he did me. It wasn't even a week. I felt like I physically got kicked in the stomach and wanted to get sick. I wasn't a 1/2 mile up the road when I realized I would NOT be looking back in that rear view mirror for him.EVER!! I really felt I was meant to see that. I NEVER questioned again whether or not I was suppose to be with him. I was thankful for that clarity!!! I believe you were meant to find out what you did. Now use it to HELP yourself ....! HE IS A NARC!!!!!! Free yourself!! Be thankful and grateful that you will BE * HAPPY * in the world without him!! Start your engines!!! MOVE ON....in a new vision for your life!!

#5 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #27)

smiles

ENGINES STARTED!! thank you

ENGINES STARTED!! thank you (love the name beach dreamer). i'm about to go run to he beach right now with my dog!!

#6 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #24)

spinning

smiles, you just say

'okay, now I know and now I'm going to turn the tables.' You just make the decision to CHOOSE YOURSELF and to offer no MORE SUPPLY to this creep. Take it minute by minute...sounds like you did before you texted back, which was smart. Now that you've had the experience of being 'brushed off,' chances are it will be easier NOT TO RESPOND next time. If you feel you can, try blocking him again. Post here before responding if you feel the urge. Remember, HE broke up with YOU. He is no longer ENTITLED to know HOW YOU'RE DOING regardless of if "you're on his mind!" Of course you are! Because you're amazing and hot and he wants to keep you in the supply chain. The thing is, you're OUT. You're DONE. If you're like me, you don't do well in a HAREM because you DESERVE better. This is about YOU now and what you need to do to feel better about yourself. Make a plan for this evening if possible to meet with a friend or friends for cocktails or for a bike ride or something. Do not beat yourself up any more. Lesson learned. Move on and concentrate on whatever it is YOU need to do to feel better. Start by choosing to feel good about your good qualities; to feel good about the FACT that you KNOW what he is and what he will always be and HE'LL NEVER HAVE YOU AGAIN. HIS LOSS!!! I send you a hug and good vibes for strength and peace of mind and clarity. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NO WAY. I REFUSE TO FOR ANY MAN...FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN.

spinning

#7 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #25)

smiles

thank you! you are right! I

thank you! you are right! I do not do well in a harem. he praised me every single day we were together. told me I was the most beautiful woman he has ever met....that this relationship was the one he has been looking for his entire life. in the beginning I was a little closed off my walls were up...I wasn't even sure if I was attracted to him! He is a very spiritual and highly intelligent person (he'll tell you that too). about 5 months ago I finally broke down and gave myself to him fully..no more walls. It was an amazing experience and he was a changed person...so was I..for the better. Then a little over 3 months ago he stopped having sex with me. I felt awful. He said he didn't know how to have sex with someone he was in love with. huh?? basically, when I read all those emails I felt like a complete ass. I tried to convince him that we should stay together. The entire time he was dating, sleeping around and he didn't have the balls to tell me. he just stood there trying to console me. he even said he wants to be there for me while I go through this! Anyway, I do have a date tonight with an old friend from college. I wish I were attracted to him but he's fun and makes me laugh. Thank you all for letting me rant. I probably won't block his number because at some point I will be past this...i know myself. I would rather just not respond knowing he tried. maybe not the best thing to do (not blocking his number)but i would get great satisfaction just ignoring it.

#8 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #17)

Better than ever

I have a thought......Maybe

I have a thought......Maybe if you concentrate on the fact that they know we have "figured them out" and WE won't put up with their BS, then you can ease your mind as to why they don't pursue us anymore......WE ARE TOO SMART FOR THEM!!!!!!

#9 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #18)

smiles

that's funny you said that

that's funny you said that because I did think that! why would he contact me knowing I know everything? although, I do feel like I showed him that he still has power over me just because I responded. How do I get past that feeling? Thank you.. :)

#10 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #19)

Better than ever

Well, it's not like you said

Well, it's not like you said you missed him or anything like that, which is what he was waiting for.....you just cordially responded....like you are human, not someone who wants him back! Also, he knows you got the text, yet DIDN'T respond with too much emotion... I think you did just fine... : )

#11 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #20)

smiles

thank you for the reality

thank you for the reality check. I didn't say anything like I miss you or anything like that. that's a step forward for me!

#12 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #21)

Better than ever

Think about it, you responded

Think about it, you responded (which means he can't say you lost your phone, etc...) yet it didn't feed his Narc. supply.....YAY!!!!

#13 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #22)

smiles

oh! I was actually thinking

oh! I was actually thinking that it DID feed his narc supply. that's why i'm feeling like i gave my power away just by responding. i was under the impression that responding to him even if it's cordial was feeding his ego.

#14 Jul 29 - 1PM (Reply to #23)

Better than ever

Well, I think this is a bit

Well, I think this is a bit of a gray area.....you didn't fill his Narc supply enough, which to him is nothing........I wouldn't be upset with yourself....you learned from it.. : )

#15 Jul 29 - 12PM

truetotruth

Classic narc move

Oh man this is classic!!! This makes me soo mad!! They want you to believe they have caring emotions!! The horrible translation is... I'm feeling lonely you are always there for me let me drain you again to feel better!!! If I had one dollar for everytime my ex got a feeling we'd all be celebrating our survival together!! He used to say he dreamt of me and I was in accidents.. Secretly I wonder if he was driving the cars that killed me lol!!! You are so smart to recognize this is just a ploy!!! Kudos and delete delete!!!

#16 Jul 29 - 12PM (Reply to #15)

Better than ever

What's even funnier is that

What's even funnier is that fact I was on a date when the text came in......I should have texted back with, "I'm fine, you have been voted off the island and been replaced..." lol

#17 Jul 29 - 10AM

bakingfortherapy

DO NOT RESPOND!!

Good job Gilr. DO NOT RESPOND!! DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. He is just looking for supply....

#18 Jul 29 - 8AM

ImStrong

Dont want to sound bitter but no they dont always come back

According to everyone that hears my story..he's done with me finished..appearantly I need to snap out of it and get over him now that he's done...it should be simple according to everyone..

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#19 Jul 29 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

truetotruth

Infuriating

This makes me mad. I may take heat for this but balls to the wall!!! You are not supposed to suck it up and get over it! This experience is traumatic plain and simple. The same people who tell you this are the same people who say don't cry!!! Let me point out that Boone ever says to another " hey you .. Don't smile"..... Right because that would be ridiculous!!!! I firmly believe those who are hurting would choose happiness and freedom from pain every single time. No one!!! No one wants to feel this way or be stuck where we are!!! Period. Honey you take your time and work out everything you need to. You will let go when you are ready and only then. I have your back and support you in your fight to get through this!! You will make it!! Follow your disco ball heart and let all the broken pieces sparkle before u know it your light will be so bright it's blinding. Hang in there!

#20 Jul 29 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

Reddley

I definitely wouldn't say it's simple.

I definitely wouldn't say it's simple. I work with my ex idiot. He's on vacation and I'm scared SHITLESS that I'm not going to be able to hold it together when he gets back. This NC thing is working great right now. He's not at work, he can't email me (blocked), he can't message me on facebook (blocked), he has a phone phobia(what a weirdo)... no one is allowed on the property if they aren't scheduled to work or get called in for extra shifts. I'm lucky for the moment. Before he left for his vacation, he did everything he could to get my attention...multiple times a night. Not just one or two texts every couple of weeks... This shit is HARD. I wish he was done with me and would just pretend *I* didn't exist. Hell I could even handle working with him if I knew he was done for sure. He'd have no reason to talk to me. I have no guarantees...

#21 Jul 29 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

bakingfortherapy

Strong...

Strong, Maybe you gave all you could and you are no longer useful to him. I know sometimes I miss my N and secretly wish he would contact me but for what? Whats the point? Isnt NC better. I dont want to be used or "played with" anymore. I deserve better.. You deserve better :)

#22 Jul 29 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

Susan32

I'm not useful to him... but he's USEFUL to me...

As an OBJECT of ridicule! The ex-Psych prof has inspired many LOLs at other messageboards. If he doesn't mind being used like the crew of the Star Trek Enterprise in that one episode when aliens use them for giggles (it's the one that has Mr. Spock singing "bitter dregs")... then FINE. He wasn't my boyfriend. I didn't have sex with him. I didn't have his babies. I can use him however I want. And LAUGHTER is a necessity for me! I'd rather be laughing at the ex-P than crying over him.

#23 Jul 29 - 9AM (Reply to #8)

Sparrow

Imstrong

How long has it been Imstrong? Never say never........MOST importantly, you don't want him to come back, so that hurdle would be avaoided for you. Then my friend, consider yourself very lucky. We can't want them to come back. Yours not coming back, any of them not coming back, is a blessing in disguise. Honestly.

#24 Jul 29 - 8AM (Reply to #7)

Lobo555

Simple?

Who said it's simple? It's hard and painful and distressing. But it's also the best thing you'll ever do. No one snaps out of a relationship with a narc. They snap out of relationships with us. That's what makes it so difficult on our end. Difficult, but not impossible. Hang in there and ride out this awful emotional storm. I know how hard it is. We all do here.

#25 Jul 29 - 8AM (Reply to #6)

onwithmylife

IMSTRONG

mine has not come back after over 2 1/2 years out and you need to ask yourself why do you want him back for more abuse use and horrible treatment?Knowing full well he will never change? Have you considered therapy, it is a great way to help get yourself unstuck, as we have all been there at some point and helps move you forward it helped me a lot and as spinning says, at some point you need to work on you...

#26 Jul 29 - 8AM

spinning

BTE, they're

so predictable and once you know this they even become quite ho hum...BORING. NC is the way to freedom and yes, BLISS! I know because I'm 9 months out. Expect him to try again...oh well! HIS LOSS!!! Good work for not responding. You are on your way to truly being Better Than Ever! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NO WAY. I REFUSE TO EVER AGAIN.

spinning

#27 Jul 29 - 7AM

Sparrow

They do always come back.

They do always come back. That's why one must be prepared. It may be in a day, a week, a month, a year......hell, 10 years....lol........they come back when supply is low because we were pushovers, we "loved" them, we put up with them before, we will put up with them again. That's where they are wrong! Good job not responding! I know how hard it must be for you not too! One of the hardest things to accomplish while healing, I think. Keep up the great work, stay strong!!!

#28 Jul 29 - 7AM

Lobo555

Yep

They DO come back. I just got a hoover attempt from a narc/psychopath that dumped me over a year ago for daring to call him "boyfriend." Good for you for not responding! WHEN, not if, CharlieSheenWinning comes hoovering around, I won't respond to him, either. Let's make a won't-respond pact.

#29 Jul 29 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

Sunafterrain

They do come back, sometimes..

My exN and I split last December. He stalked me via IM for a month. Then stopped. Then two months later, sent an email, to which I responded DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN. Stopped. Then in May, he sent me two mother's day ecards. AGAIN, LEAVE ME ALONE, I MEANT IT TWO MONTHS AGO, I MEAN IT NOW! Stopped. Then he got married LOL! He was involved with new gf/now wife when he sent those cards. Mine loves triangulation. Not from me. Ever again. I'm safe now that he has the supply he wants. It's usually when they're not idealizing someone else, or if they are and contact, they want to triangulate. Their motives are never just to "see if you're okay". It's bait. Good for you for recognizing it and NOT taking it.

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