Yep. I called him this morning.

I'm having the same problem with NC. I made it all the way till 9:43pm last night with NC. But I went & sent him a text to let him know his dog was sick. Why?? I don't know, he doesn't care. If he doesn't care about my son or myself why would he care about his dog he left us?? It is really hard to not text. I have him blocked from my phone & emails, but I can unblock him at any given time, send him a text & block him again. I went on the internet to see about a permanent block, but can't seem to find one. My cell phone carrier doesn't have one either. I don't know why I can't keep myself from texting him. I don't want him back. I'm doing fine without him. This is the one step I need to conquer so I can be finished!!! Anyone out their have any advice on how to block him forever???

I agree with Hunter to a degree, but I don't believe you 'enjoy' the abuse. I think more of what it is...it is a familiar thing for you, to be abused by this asshole. That's more it. Being comfortable with the devil you know, and not the devil you don't know so to speak. (the devil you don't know being going on in life sans this man) The only thing that will bring you everlasting peace...is NC. (and God, of course, prayer is powerful!) NC is the great equalizer. The great enabler towards freedom. I think what you're struggling with is...that link between letting go of the familiar (the abuse) and letting in something healthy (NC). NC, I won't lie, is daunting at first. Especially, you might find, as you go silent...he may reach out. (aka hoover) Not saying he will, but mine started reaching out, when a few months had gone by of my utter silence. He reached out in a variety of ways, from getting friends to bait me for him...to him reaching out directly. I always maintained military silence. lol Sadly, you're at war...it's you against him. You will only win, if you stay silent. WHAT WILL YOU WIN? Your life back. And that my dear, is worth going NC for, no? But...28 years is a long time! It will take time. But, go NC one day at a time...and eventually, he will fade away. The sting of all this will fade away. You have to just trust us when we tell you this. It is the only thing that stands between you and freedom. I WILL SAY THIS. AND I'M SAYING IT CAPS SO IT DOESN'T GET MISSED. YOU WILL HAVE VERY QUIET, BORING, LONELY DAYS DURING THE FIRST STAGES OF NC. THIS IS NORMAL. THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT PEACE LOOKS LIKE! WE ARE VERY CAUGHT UP IN NON STOP DRAMA, WITH NARCS. THEY MAKE LIFE SEEM EXCITING, BECAUSE WE'RE ALWAYS ON EDGE. BUT, THAT IS NOT NORMAL AND HEALTHY 'EXCITEMENT,' IT'S CALLED ABUSE. TRAIN YOURSELF TO LOOK AT THE SOLACE AS HEALTHY, NOT AS BORING. BUT, KNOW YOU WILL HAVE VERY BORING DAYS. DAYS WHEN YOU WANT TO TEXT. WANT HIM TO TEXT, CALL, ETC. BUT, LET THOSE FEELINGS PASS. TRUST ME...IT'S ALL PART OF THE HEALING PROCESS. Good luck to you. Hang in there, and stay strong!

A huge help to me in moving on was erasing my xN from my life. I blocked his phone numbers that I knew, blocked his email, defriended him on FB, threw away everything he ever gave me, erased all photos and files of him on my computers including all emails both sent and received...total erasure. After I did this it was like out of sight out of mind and I was able to stay NC and move forward. Trash everything that reminds you of him. It helped me immensely. Drove him crazy too. He needed my supply and started using sneaky means to contact me until I sent him a cease and desist order. I now cannot even see what I ever saw in him. You can do this!!! Start erasing.

Have you spoken with Goldie yet???? Do you have a therapist? You made just need a little more than this forum to kick you in the ass to get you moving girl!!!!! I felt like you are feeling during my first month, but then I put everything into the NC and only then did I begin to move forward....I had and still have set backs....but I still remain NC... I spoke with Goldie, I got a new therapist, I bought some books...You MUST do something and everything for yourself to help you.....NOTHING is gonna help you if YOU dont do something to help yourself!!! Take control here....stay NC...it's the only way!!!!!

DING!! Round 154!! You just handed him a TKO...Total Knock Out. He's the champ and you're out cold. What's it gonna take? A padded room on mental ward? A terminal illness from the stress on your system? The total implosion of your entire life? What price do you put on yourself? Where are YOU going to draw the line? And say you can do this and this and this to me...but not THAT. Where's the line for you?

here. Please exercise it. Your choice to "play victim" instead of moving on could come back to bite you in ways that will make you feel worse than what you are feeling right now. This guy has already called the cops on you. He can collect your "messages" and, well, use them to build a case for harassment, a RO, etc. etc. which would cause you much embarassment and pain. Don't give him this power. He doesn't have that kind of power, SKB. You have all the power here to control your own future and your own destiny. You must ACCEPT that this person has nothing good to give you and will simply continue to do what he is doing and perhaps even worse. Please don't leave any more messages. It could get way more complicated than just "venting." Please consider this. Sincerely, (not) spinning. AND WISHING NO ONE WOULD EVER SPIN AGAIN

Hey SKB...are you looking for closure or looking to get him back? Neither of those you are going to fully get from him...I think you know that. If you are seeking closure, then you need to say your loving, kind words to him in your mind and release him. If you want him back...SIGH!!....I've been there!! I went against all the great advice on this site and I pursued Mr. N with a smattering of very sweet emails (just as you just did with your text) and although, eventually he did come back...it was exactly the same as before..no real change. I would love you to avoid what I went through at all costs...it just prolongs things...it doesn't actually fix or change or improve anything and you are still LEFT AGAIN. I think you really need to consider your motivations for reaching out to him and realize that you are dealing with someone disordered who just doesn't care about you.

You just let him know you are still in the game, and thats all it is to them, a game to mindfuck us over and over and over again. Only you have control/power to stop. Do you want to keep riding the rollercoaster of pain or do you want to get off the ride for good. Keep busy with things you love and make you happy and forget the evil. You have the power....take it back...contact=pain

Dear Skb, am sorry but the xN doesn't care whether a woman leaves voicemail professing love for him. The xN is incapable of love so he doesn't even love that you are suffering - he just gets off on it - one large ego boost. You have just given him a big old dose of good supply. His silence is abuse and he may use this in the future to come back and hoover. The fact you called him suggests that you still believe he can be the fantasy figure you wanted him to be and that he is capable of change - he isn't. Keep reading - knowledge and insight assist with letting go of the fantasy, him and playing victim. The past is the past, you are in control of your new journey and you have everything within you to succeed. 'Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens' Carl Jung. Those who look for validation from an outside source live in a fantasy world. Those that look within themselves come alive. NC = sanity = self respect = peace.

You need to find a way to develop more will power. You acknowledge that what you are doing is giving him power, more supply, but your not able to control your urges. Remember, that is all they are at this point, are urges. A craving to speak to him, re-connect with him, or even to seek revenge. They are all in the same....... What is done now is done. I only wish you would have come here first before making that call. Today is a difficult time for many on the forum, including you, and today is also a day where we really need to exercise our strength, put it to the test, refrain from breaking NC. Try and regroup, and strengthen your committment to NC! Hang in there, you will get this down eventually!

Then stop doing it! When the pain is too much to handle you will do something different. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein The result will always be the same with these disordered freaks. Sorry you are hurting today. Give yourself a hug and remind yourself of ten things that make you special..I know you can come up with a list of 10 things. Write them down. read them aloud, post it where you can see it. Love you today!

You can't be that sick of it.. You picked up the phone.. If you would have asked me I would have told you the outcome.. Abusive SILENT TREATMENT... Now you've opened up a can of worms for him to come play in the sandbox.. In a few days he will Hoover and then you are back in the game of abuse.. I ask.. You now see Contact = Pain.. What are you going to do about it? Hunter