Y'all I'm a crack addict and I need some words....

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Jan 28 - 10PM (Reply to #19)
loveofmylife
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scothcy

So true! this is him to a T "Because they are a moral free zone, they will stop at nothing to appear like the best combination of James Bond and Prince Charming all rolled into one." And yes, I have learned that charm is a VERB, not an adjective. CHARMING is the ACT of getting someone to do something through your actions. It is manipulation at its essence. I used to love CHARM - but now i just see it as manipulation.
Jan 28 - 1AM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

So interesting, I had same

So interesting, I had same experience that I posted on Jan24th. My narc had been hoovering me like crazy the past two months. I ignored it for a long time, then gave in. Anyway, he was charming, seductive, sweet, caring, loving, the whole bit. I got pulled in, yet again. I didn't think it would happen, but it did. Then suddenly, last week he D&D's me in a big way, out of the blue. I have been aching and hurting for the past 4 days. I am shocked. Even though I know who and what he is, I am shocked. He turned on a dime. Literally. It is such crazy making that I can't even reason with it. The lesson is to stay away, NC. I thought I was cured, but I wasn't. People have told me it's like stopping smoking. You still want it even if you just smell smoke. So, when there is smoke there is fire, so stay away from the smell of smoke or you will get burned by the fire. As I read your story I could only think of what just happened to me. I keep thinking that my Narc is going to call and appologize. I keep thinking.... wont he see what he did?? But, the sad truth is, he probably wont. So in the end.... I got burnt again. Yeah, I am an addict too. ;-( xoox ACgirl
Jan 27 - 11PM
Disillusionedx2
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his need for supply

So subtle, His need for the supply you spoke about being business related. These guys will charm a snake for that supply crack, and you were ripe for the picking this night. Unfortunately, you didn't get your guard up fast enough so he was able to suck you pert near dry for the occasion. So sad that when you see these aliens, immediately get out the "blockers" you have to cut them off at the pass, say hey, good seeing ya, got to run because they almost always, no, not almost, ALL THE TIME, they are seeking supply, hence the charm level being to the highest of levels. You didn't get in to deep though, back on the wagon sis and ride off without him, best wishes. stay~strong

stay~strong

Jan 27 - 11PM
almostlydia
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I would say heads up, your

I would say heads up, your back on the radar again. If it was me I would have walked up and possibly slapped the sh*t out of him and that would have been the end of that night. But that is because I have reached my breaking point there will be no more moments. I hope you reach yours soon because the pain just lingers on and on until you do. And that is a pain I never ever want to go back to again. almostlydia

almostlydia

Jan 28 - 3AM (Reply to #15)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Lol, AL

I would love to be a fly on the wall to see you slapping your X. Yes, we are much better off just slapping them pretty or better yet, pretend we have no clue who they are. Ignoring them makes them crazier than anything. I had a millionare narc one time whom I was never physically involved with pull some games on me. The next time I ran into him I pretended I had no idea who is was. He got up in fromt of a room full of people and made a complete ass out of himself by shouting: I will not be ignored. Frankly, it was hysterical. Goldie
Jan 28 - 12AM (Reply to #14)
loveofmylife
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almostlydia

you post made me smile...wouldn't he have been surprised if after he waited for me outside for 10 minutes...if I just walked up to his smiling face...while he was faking his important phone call...and slapped the sh*t out of him... and then walked in, and had a drink and talked to the other men there, ignoring him the rest of the night. Hmm...
Jan 27 - 10PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

OMG!

I could have written this myself! 2O years later this man had the same effect on me. The first email I got from him my hands were shaking. When I met him at the airport It was like something out of a romance novel. He looked amazing. His body was ripped. He was more successful than ever. I know becuase I checked him out and I was done. I was just done and he knew it and he still knows it. Eventhough I know what I know. I will stay away becuase he makes me sick literally but I know exactly what you mean. I too am a crack addict. I told him so and he said me too. I am addicted to him and he is addicted to the fact that he can always get supply from me. I posted on this board several months back. I AM AN ADDICT! btw I am a banker too:)
Jan 27 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

sick of it

I don't post much - but I relate to so many of your posts....we are both married and have been addicted heroine addicts to the same person for several decades. A person that has an on and off presence in our lives and can destroy us within hours of seeing us again. I have never loved someone so much in my life; I have never cared for anyone more; i have never felt closer to anyone or felt so much of that soulmate attraction to anyone....I would do/ and have done anything for him. And the scariest part of all? I think I am attracted to him for the same reasons that Charles Manson's followers were attracted to him. He is a psychopath. I am sure of it now - after talking to all of you....reading, reading, reading, and going to therapy. I AM ATTRACTED TO A PSYCHOPATH! Why? because we have an unbelievable attraction at the gut level - and because I have always felt he was my soulmate. Which scares the hell out of me - because now I feel like I can only be truly attracted to a psychopath... ughhh. god, I hear what you are saying...every interaction has felt like it was out of a romance novel...even the 200th time we had lunch together in a private little park...everything. But when you said your hands would shake....and I say I couldn't breath after 24 years....doesn't that really, really sound like we are drug addicts of some kind? huh? Mine is 51 years old and his body is still ripped... and he is absolutely gorgeous - looks like brad pitt, except much more gorgeous and smart! When we go out, 25 year old girls go nuts over him.... (feeding his fragile narc ego) So should we have a club? I am a narc addict.... I have been an addict for 24 years to the same Narcman. And I am here to get help.
Jan 28 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Something Familiar

There is something familar to you about this man. Something from your childhood. Somebody there in the past, somebody very important to you, made you feel as he does. Somebody you needed but ran hot & cold all the time. Also, it sounds like something 'sexual.' As if you are sexually attracted to him. That may never go away. We do have our body types which attract us. But, for me, if he opens his mouth & is stupid, or if he's an assh*le, it bursts the bubble. This man has never actually had an affair with you. All these years. You are so in love with him & he "acts" as if he's in love with you BUT never pursues that. Nope. I don't think so. He may be 'mirroring' you --giving you what you want so that he can extract from you what he wants. Which seems to be professional kudos & favors. Also, at this point, you provide him with stability in what is probably a very chaotic personal life outside of work.
Jan 29 - 7PM (Reply to #12)
loveofmylife
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agnes

you hit the nail on the head. He is familiar...the first time we met eachother 24 years ago, we both said that to eachother too.. Of course my comment was sincere - who knows about him. And I have recently realized that he is my dad. My dad, and I hate to say things that don't honor him...but my dad was an N, he abused my mother, he cheated on her, he was the most charming man in the world, super charismatic and blew hot/cold with me all the time. But i loved him. So you got it exactly right - I needed him - he was my dad - and my biggest cheerleader and supporter - and he was hot/cold with me. Exactly like Narc. Narc is/was my biggest cheerleader and supporter and started blowing hot/cold last year. And yes, I've always been unbelievable sexually attracted to Narc. He told me that he was "attracted to me to the nth degree because I was so beautiful, fun, etc etc" Who knows if any of that was true - but I believed him. His constant hugs he would give me and sighing the whole time - like he was so pained that we couldn't be together.... who knows how much of it was a lie. And I think you are dead on - he has been mirroring me this whole time to get complete adoration. I think that is what is all boils down to.
Jan 28 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Great, he looks Amazing!

Great, he looks Amazing! Sorry, mine has a great body, seems smart! Guess what I'm smart have a good body and I don't need some Fn loser treating me like a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe. My guess is you don't either, moveon.org! If he's so great let the 20 yr olds have him. Sorry but you need to love yourself, looks only last so long. Please find who you are! Idealk
Jan 28 - 11AM (Reply to #10)
FUMB
FUMB's picture

Well said! :) I saw my

Well said! :) I saw my therapist yesterday. And she asked if I really miss "him" or the future I dreamed and fantasized of with him. Truth is, it's that fantasy I miss/ed. And the good news is that once we rid ourselves of them and focus on ourselves, rebuild our confidence and learn from our mistakes, we WILL attract the right person. The fantasy isn't dead-- it's just going to be with an entirely different man-- one that doesn't play bullshit games, says what he means and MEANS what he says, is honest and FAITHFUL. All of those things that should come "free" with a healthy relationship. We are WORTH IT, ladies! They had the best now let them go find some other vulnerable person to prey on. Oh, wait... I'm sure they already have multiple OWs they are preying on! P.S. Something that helps me when I am having a weak moment is that I think, "What if my daughter grows up and falls for a narc?" I would seriously move her to a different country, physically keep them apart if I had to. There's no telling what else I'd do! I want to be a good example for her... I want her to see me in a healthy relationship!
Jan 28 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I am at work and dying to

I am at work and dying to respond to this. I am using my phone so I can get in more detail when I get home. So I will say this. Why can't they just be fat and stupid? It really would make things so much easier LOL. Are you on the new site?
Jan 28 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
gettinbetter
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I had LMAO off about the

I had LMAO off about the important phone call he always did that to me. One time I called upset about something and he didnt answer. A few minutes later, he calls back but goes directly to to my vmail and says he is in the middle of a board meeting but If its an emergency call back. Oh whatever Narc boy you probably werent in the middle of any board meeting you are probably sitting there having a bowl of cereal like the rest of the world this morning. I wanted to say thanks Narcboy for the compliment in your need to impress me. He is in fact extremely smart and I saw that in him way back in college though he didnt apply himself. He is an entrenpeneur now and his success does not suprise me one bit. I always knew he was extrordinarily smart but hated to answer to people in corporate america (right after college we went to work for the same firm) He never liked answering to anyone. The fact that he is now an entrenpeneur does not suprise me one bit. He has done very very well but you know why cant they just be satisfied with the truth oh no they have to embellish it even when they are very successful you can see the low self esteem in that they dont really believe their success in reality would really impress us. Oh the sexual attraction... I dont need to say anymore there. I dont think that will ever go away. As far as being out of a romance novel... people were staring at us in the airport and for 5 minutes he held me an neither of us said a word and I felt like a runaway that had returned home. I know I have to stay away from him. He will never change because he cant. There really is no him just a shell of a person no soul. no anything. It really is so sad. I know for me the minute I have any contact with him I spiral out of control with my addiction. I have no ability to control it. I hope you havent started a downhill spiral. Just remember how long it took you to get well.
Jan 29 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
loveofmylife
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OMG sickofit

I can't tell you how many times he canceled things with me saying that he had an "emergency board meeting". OMG! Me - all dressed up and ready to go out - him calling "gee I am so, so sorry about this, I just got a call and I need to fly to a board meeting in LA". This happened many, many times. And last year I caught him lieing about it to someone else, because I knew where he was that night - and it was not at an important board meeting. From time to time I knew these excuses were lies...but I would smile, just like you and was amused by his need to impress me. And I, like you thought - why does he need to lie - he is already good enough! But you see that low self esteem below the surface. Now I realize just how serious those "little lies" were. He was one big lie. Mine is an entrenpeneur too - he could never answer to anyone either. It is one one big game to them. My Narc used the poker analogy alot last year when our relationship was tyring to find it way. I really think he views all relationships as a big poker game. Watch the person take a move and then make your move. We need to talk!!!!
Jan 30 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes Yes Im on the new site

Yes Yes Im on the new site are you? Its crazy shit isnt it? but now I see that he really views him self as substandard to me. When I first reconnected with him I believe he was coming off a severe narcissistic injury from the ex and something to do with his business. Anyway he seemed to be almost but not quite a little depressed but the minute he found me or I should say I found him via fb it was like it "perked" him right up but I will say he had a few moments in the beginning where he seemed a bit honest. He said Sick of it I could never figure out why you were with me when you had all of those other guys around. Honestly I think he was telling the truth. I think that is why I have received terrible d & d's. I think he wants me but knows he cant maintain any kind of relationship with me and it frustrates him. I believe I make him feel substandard. One of the first things he said to me was Sick of it 20 years later and I still want to show you off to the business world. I dont why it seemed like an odd thing to say at the time. I dont know it just seemed off especially since he is someone I have technically known since age 17. The business world? huh? How about sick of it your an old old friend I am so happy I have found you. I ve missed our friendship but no I got I still want to show you off to the business world. WEIRD!
Jan 27 - 10PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

well, surprise, suprise

I did get a text "nice to c u too! good luck taking care of the kids".. ughhh... why couldn't it be real???
Jan 27 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter
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stay strong girl. Hes coming

stay strong girl. Hes coming back at ya.