Y'all I'm a crack addict and I need some words....
Y'all I'm a crack addict and I need some words....
My name is loveofmylife and I'm a crack addict. And i have been a crack addict for 24 years now....
I've been NC for 6 months now; since 7/5/10 or so when the final D&D happened ; which was the ugliest exchange of verbal communication (if you can call it that ) that I have had in my life, by far.
So many ugly things that the Narc said to me.... completely destroyed me....and all triggered because I turned him down on a work opportunity and injured his little narc ego.
Well, last week, I was invited to an event by my banker - an intimate little dinner at a beautiful winery in CA.... I wasn't sure if I could go as I had to take my son to the doctor. But the vp of the bank said "you just have to go - there will be people there you are close to!". Well, I kind of had a feeling of who he was talking about, since Narc and I were business partners with this bank - but wasn't quite sure - since Narc doesn't attend these kinds of things and he lives 1 1/2 hours from the winery.
So I went. And as soon as I pulled in - narc was standing there staring at me and waiting for me at the entrance. I get out and he is waiting for me at the entrance - for a long time. But then when I get closer - I'm pretty sure he pretends he gets a phone call and takes it out front. You all know the routine - the "i have something better to do than to talk to you routine" the "someone more importnat has called me on the phone routine - see how important i am?????" Anyway - I'm sure he pretending it, I made brief eye contact, he smiled at me and I walked inside. Got myself a wine and kept myself busy talking to other people (one of those events where there are 3 women and 40 men). After about 5 - 10 minutes, he comes in and walks through about 40 people to the back of the room right away and gives me a HUGE HUG AND SMILE and said "we really need to talk - can we go outside - it is a BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!? Please, let's go outside!" Turned to everyone else in my group and said "we really have alot to catch up on - please excuse us!" and then hurried me outside (narc and I have always spent alot of time outside in beautiful environments - we love it so much) And it WAS beautiful. A winery in CA, beautiful weather - in the hills - gorgeous architecture and gardens....totally romantic and all I wanted to do was to be with him. So we talked and talked...he was smiling, flirting, laughing...after 6 months of NC....like nothing ever happened. Like he hadn't said the most hateful things any human could say to any other human. As gorgeous as can be, unbelievable.... and I just wanted to be with him....with everything i've learned on this forum and although I know what he is.....the charm was just unreal. We talked for a very long time...just catching up on business, personal, everything that has happened to us in the last 6 months - like nothing has ever happened - like no horrible D&D had ever happened.
We went inside, and then when it came time to sit down - I sat down first - alone and he sat next to me.... and 1/2 way through dinner after lots of talking, laughing and flirting, he told me that he would "be my servant and get my wine or whatever else I wanted" - oh my god and could my mind think of things. He got me a wine - flirted some more...and then when it came time to leave - I was so hoping he would walk me to my car to have THE TALK about WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED IN THAT FINAL D&D AND WHAT DID OUR RELATIONSHIP REALLY MEAN? But of course, that didn't happen = we went our own ways - i know he is seeing someone who is sure to be "the one" (ha)
Dang - why do they seem so good - when we know that deep down they are so bad? How can they pull it off soooooo well? Why are they so convincing that they are the nicest, sweetest, most charming guy in the world when deep down we know how manipulative and messed up they are? how could he charm everyone at that dinner and be like the most popular person that everyone wanted to talk to and everyone wanted to spend time with? Why can't people see through this?
I guess I know the answers. They are master charmers and master abusers/manipulators. He wanted something from me tonight - he wanted it to look like we were still super close so that everyone at that dinner would look favorably on him and give him work in the future. He wanted me to be in love with him again, because it makes him feel good and important and happy - not that he would love me back. They have perfected the art of charming; and most people can't see it in a brief interaction...unfortunately, they only show their true self with those they are closest too - and I was one of the "lucky ones".
But damn...most of all...WHY WASN'T IT REAL????? UGHHH. My heart starting racing when I saw him...I could hardly breath - I am SO unbelievably attracted to him - it is pure crazyiness. after 24 years, he still does that to me every single time I see him. Even if I see him every hour, every day for two years. Yes, I am an addict.
As soon as I got in my car I texted "it was so nice to c u tonight!" and of course, I didn't get a response and probably never will. He won.....again...
Sorry this is so long.... just part of the healing process, I guess, and would love to hear from my sisters who have experienced the same heartbreak by a fictional man.
and you can do it right back!
How can they have absolutely no regard for the feelings of other
it happens i feel many of us
The Next time he comes
NLP
As if nothing ever happened?
Love the hard close!!
agnes
Next Time
agnes
Yup!
What I wonder is . . . Why
briseis
You're Foolin' Yourself
I have been so lured in by that
He royally screwed you over
Briseis
Nahhh . . . what's done is
Crack Kills
It is not butterflies hon.
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Yup!
!!! yes
Fawn I know what you mean
victimnomore
It is the illusion of the
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
betty
Excellent, Betty, love the
Great Post Betty....
What a jagoff! I hope you
What a complete Asshole and
Wow