xN and "relationship" sabotage pre final D&D

Crazy making behaviour isn't a fluke. It isn't him trying his best, and you misunderstanding his intention. It's pointed, and it has purpose. The purpose being to escape from something he feels trapped in but can't accept personal responsibility for. Although he doesn't accept that it's something within himself and things he's incapable of feeling, he knows that he resents you for how he's feeling and ultimately what lacks inside of him. He needs to punish you as he has so many times before. This time is different though. He has built a strong case in his mind against you and has enough ammunition to finally pull the trigger without accepting even a hint of blame.

This was one important moment of acceptance that I had lately. He was bored and his way out was to sabotage the relationship through strategic power plays - twisting words, deflection, gas lighting, ignoring all good and highlighting moments of weakness. It was completely intentional, although he built up a case against me, reasons in his head why it was justified behaviour. As he's with OW now, I can relate to the thoughts in his head as they are the same thoughts that he expressed to me at the beginning of our relationship. He equates the newness and the perfection he sees in her right now as fulfilling, the missing puzzle pieces from the end of our "relationship". "See, I AM capable of love!!!" he says to himself, so dignified. It literally has nothing to do with her, or with me, AND ONLY about how he feels about himself at any given moment. He can't accept this of course so everyone in his life is the next target of his subconcious internal hate and rage when his expectations don't match how he's feeling inside of himself.

The sabotage of course is abuse. Absolute and unequivocal emotional abuse, as was the rest of the "relationship". Make no mistake that the intent was to throw you under the bus. That's all he's capable of.

If you are going through the pain of wondering what you did wrong or wondering how on earth things ended up in a dust pile, you are not alone.