Writing the letter for step 3

I wrote my letter to him (step 2)...15 pages of my heart splattered everywhere....along with anger..frustration...love...saddness...it was quite a letter!!!

Now Im stuck on step 3....Do we write the letter based on what we WANT to hear or based on what we KNOW we would hear if he answered back?????

Please clarify so I can keep moving!!!

Goldie's picture

There is the letter to the Narc and then there is the letter to you from the Narc. The first letter is getting out all of your feeling to the Narc. What you want to say to them, anything goes. Perhaps there were things left unsaid, now is the time to thoroughly tell him about all your feelings regarding your experience with him. The second letter is to speak to yourself from the perspective of the Narc. Allow yourself to be told whatever you always wanted to hear from the Narc. The sky is the limit. You are writing it as thought the Narc came to you and fulfilled all of your dreams and thoughts. Hi Janemarie, I have thought about it and I now realize that you are: And I feel: Basically you are getting out everything you ever truly wanted to hear the narc say to you and did not, it is your expectations. Does this make sense to you? Later you will be writing our goodby letter so this is all preparation for that. You are getting your feelings and then recognizing your expectations and then eventually letting go and saying goodby. Let me know if this makes sense to you and if you need further clarification, let me know. God bless, Goldie
janemarie's picture

This was very helpful... My head just isnt right...foggy..having a hard time understanding...comprehending things... I still plan on speaking with you...I have not found another therapist and I know I need the help. Im trying so hard on my own but I think I am failing.... I have my 3 young boys with me constantly so it's hard for me to find the time to speak without distraction....after bedtime Im too drained..... Would you be available next week?...my boys will be spending some time with their father so that may work. If you could pm me payment options too that would be helpful! Thank you...Janemarie
TNR1's picture

Hey Janemarie..I'm sure Goldie will read this thread, but you could also PM her just to be sure. :) Goldie is awesome! She may not tell you what you want to hear but she definately tells you what you need to hear.