Working With Your N - Does Anyone Else Endure This??

Yes, same here. Got involved with someone at work - big mistake! Going NC is impossible! The control and mindgames are still going on after year and a half of this he'll. Have learned about NPD only about couple of weeks and it's been helping me alot to understand him. Have used the situation now to just study him as NC would be impossible anyway.. Most of the time I feel strong as I can explain everything with reason now, but sometimes I still find myself in a deep dark shithole, my emotions getting the best of me and everything comes down to just feeling sorry for myself really, why this happening to me, such a shame that this relationship is what it is - a lie, a game of manipulation and control, no consideration of me whatsoever in this equation.. He is leaving the country soon which is a huge relief! Easy (I hope!) to go NC then and start with my aftermath and healing. For our workmates we seem so close, and we can feel the jealousy from them. We know theres rumours about us that were more than friends etc.. But noone knows or realises that it's only what it looks like outside. When we are in private then it flip flops totally - I've being treated like a sexobject, a thing, critisised about everything, like walking on eggshells can't say anything cause you never know what pisses him off, have to do what he sais.. To tell anyone is not an option cause he has threatened to kill me, my daughter my mum, describes it with graphic detail.. He is pure evil! Yet really fun in public, everybody loves him! Girls fancy him, cause he can charm them like no other..

He is at the guardhouse; I am at the switchhboard. He stays away until he wants to yank my chain. Then he comes strutting thru the lobby, all uniformed and official.

Yes, I still work at the same company as xnh. We were together for 16 years, and met at work. When we divorced, my office was located in the office immediately next door to his. He harassed me daily at work, and behaved very "in my face" about his personal dirty laundry. Hearing all of this outside my office door constantly was like xnh rubbing salt in my wounds. Xnh had truly been the "love of my life". Even though xnh was the person that cheated, and dumped me, he very much seemed to want to hurt me more than he already had (if that's actually possible). He was very angry that I divorced him quickly, went NC, and he could no longer control me. I guess according to xnh's twisted narc logic, I was supposed to get abused/cheated on/dumped AND he was supposed to control everything just like usual. Not going to happen in my world. I was done. lol. In addition, he was bad-mouthing me to anyone and everyone at work. I've even heard that he had discussed our sex life in the shuttle to one of our sites on a regular basis. Now, whenever I have to discuss work with a co-worker, the thought is always in the back of my mind, "What horrible things has xnh told THIS person about me?". Working anywhere near him after the D&D was pure torture for me. In my case, I ended up filing three harassment complaints against xnh because he simply would NOT leave me alone, and stop disparaging my name. He had quite the smear campaign going about me. I have my own career that is completely separate from xnh's, I started this company with my own credentials, and my work has had a very good reputation with this company for 20 years. I simply could not tolerate xnh ruining my work reputation with his slandering. Finally my management realized that I was working in a hostile work environment becuase of xnh. When I filed my third complaint against him, upper management moved my office to a completely seperate floor, xnh was reprimanded, and forbidden to have any contact with me using company property or company time. Now I finally have peace at work from xnh, and do not have to see him every day. Since my heart was breaking because of his cheating and our divorce, finally getting away from xnh, and his constant harassment at work was a huge relief for me. Staying in such close proximity with xnh for this long would have been pure Hell. I had to find a way to get away from him. It's been 16 months since xnh D&D'd, and 15 months since the divorce was final.

Yes, I endure it! I am so very sorry that you are going through this too! I know that for me, it is one of the most difficult things I have ever been through! How can you have NC when you are with them every day? The OW is someone that works with us and used to be my friend...making this even more difficult. He is so charming to everyone in the office. I just want to throw up! (feel free to send me a private message if you like)

I did. Twice. About 27 years and then 2+ yeras ago. Each time with my husband (1st and 2nd, prior to and around divorce time) in small family businesses. Yes, I did repeat my story, and the 2nd time was even worse. But I didn't know then what was really going on, only found the truth about Ns finally a few weeks ago. It was hell. Personal hell expanded, and affecting the work life tremendously.