Wondering what he is thinking

One things for sure he'll be playing Mr Victim, then saying your relationship was terrible and he had to get out, then he'll probably add how hard it was being around you, what with your moods and cynical outlook. Then he'll be assessing the scene trying to get people to think he's great before he goes and chats some poor other woman up.

Frankly, narcs only care for themselves. I'm sure he is with another supply to feed his ego. And seriously, you wouldn't want him to stalk you and do drive-by's. I know you want to feel loved and still cared for by him, I know I wanted some type of attention too . NC is the only way out of this narc madness.

Well, I am pretty sure he is not thinking to much about you as long he has another supply ( it doesnt need to be another woman). I am sorry to say it, but from what i read and experienced it is like this that they do not care as long they do not need us as a supply.

Im sorry to start that ur going thru this..we have all been there. My narc never did a drive by,they avoid all kinds of situations so hes prob. just thinking how to avoid u because they r COWARDS!!!! If u were engaged and he just stopped communication...RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!!! prayers for healing..Im 1 yr NC and feeling better everyday but it has been a horrendous road!! And Im still not there! xoxo

His thought process is something like this: "I'm awesome. Durr. I wonder who wants to hang out with me this weekend. I know (name) and (name) will want to, because they love me. But (name) has something else going on?? How dare he make plans that interrupt my plans! How dare he want to spend time with his infant son instead of kissing my butt! Durr. Maybe I'll spend some time beating this video game on insanity mode, because doing so makes me more awesome. Durr."

The last I knew here, your N was "missing in action." Is he alive, back from Chicago? Well, when he's thinking that he needs his "Amy fix" -- he'll be back. N think. "I think I need to have sex. Oh, I know, I'll try a. Not available. Then b." (And so it goes throught the little black book.) "I think I may end up being alone on Weds. from 1-3. Start lining up possible interludes." (When N is not alone, or finds something interesting, he will blow off all the other supply he contacted out of the blue & leave them hanging & waiting.) "Wow! What a hot 4th of July weekend! Now that's over. I am alone. Gee. Amy. Look up Amy. Oh, she may be pissed. Well, act all normal. In fact, can I create a diversion? ANything to make her feel guilty or responsible so as to deflect attention off my bad behavior pulling a disappearing act? Well, even better, make it HER fault that I disappeared because she forced me to do it by going out to dinner with a girlfriend." You see, Ns think that people are tools thzt litter the world for their use. Sometimes a tool needs to be manipulated a bit before it functions well.

I had been my ex-P's devoted student for 4 years, and he gave me nothing but contempt. He repaid my kindness with emotional brutality, he was ungrateful to the core... even when I told him to go on his merry way with the OW. I even talked about how she was a much more suitable partner for him. During the D&D,I was wondering,"Why is he treating me like this? Why does EVERYTHING I do make him angry? Why am I the one apologizing, when I'm the one who's weeping?" I couldn't understand. The cognitive dissonance was too much. Teachers are SUPPOSED to care about their students, not bully/emotionally abuse their students. It's a genuine shock to realize that my ex-P saw me--and his other students--merely as instruments to feed his ego. It took me a looong time to stop caring what he thought about me. He had me living in fear, in fear of his rage. I had to STOP thinking about what he thought about me,painful as it was. I had STOP letting it worry me... but it did take a long time. I used to worry about whether or not he was interested in me, worry about what he was telling other people about me. It was a lot of "un-thinking" I had to do. It's a very difficult process of detachment.

It will take a while before you stop thinking about him. Somehow, our minds REALLY resist the truth, the fact that they just aren't like us, not like humans, the fact that they aren't going to come to some stunning realization, "oh my, I have acted horribly. I do finally appreciate you!" It is like it is too much too take in all at once, to believe the truth, so the realization of reality comes in stages. For now, go ahead and think about him (how can you not), but for Gods sake just whatever you do DON'T CONTACT HIM. And, if you do that, over time, it will get better. It really will get better. And you will be so glad you got away from him and that he didn't get the chance to ruin your whole life.