Women who have children w/Narcs

I have been on this site for a couple of months now....seems like only days and sometimes years! In reading the stories of those of you who have children with the Narc trying to maintain NC etc, it has really touched a cord with me and some things that happened with my ex N.

My ex was divorced from a really great gal that I knew growing up which made all of his crazy stories about her hard for me to believe. I am proud to say that I made it clear to him from the start that I had always thought a lot of her and really could not believe some of the crap he told me. He really made it seem as if she and her family turned his 2 children against him just to punish him. The children are 16 &20 and in 1.5 years, I never met them. He very rarely saw them and cried and complained about them non stop. They only wanted him for money. They never came to see him. On and on.

Not knowing what I was dealing with ( a sick NPD person) I encouraged him over and over to be patient and keep trying with the girls. I even facilitated him buying the youngest a car for when she turned 16. I remembered how it felt when I was divorced and wanted my children to be treated the same by their father as if we were still married. I don't believe in children suffering any more than they have to in these situations and many times the mother's cannot afford to do the things that the father's easily can. My ex husband was not a N and has always been very good to our children. We worked hard together to accomplish this, for them.

In retrospect, I am now recalling how he used everything I told him and advised him to torture and manipulate his ex wife and the girls. He had the ex and his daughter drive 5 hours away and spend the night to get the car. I'm sure it was awful for the ex and caused tons of pain having to spend that much time with him tweaking her. Then he kept the car at his house to make the daughter have to "ask" to use it and to keep the ex from ever driving it. Ughhh.....asshole.

He NEVER planned special times with the girls and the only time he went to visit the oldest at college (3 hours away) the entire time I knew him was for an event he attended in the town. They could not stand their father and now I know why. There is no telling how much abuse they suffered through. It breaks my heart. The saving grace is that I know for a fact that they are surrounded by a very loving extended family

My feelings now? He is an unfit father and the girls should avoid him at all costs. If I did not think it would cause his ex more suffering, I would tell her so myself. I don't want to inflict any more pain on her than I am sure she endured after 20+ years of marriage.

For you mothers, my heart and prayers go out to you. These men use everyone and everything in their path to sustain themselves. Love your children. Love yourselves. NEVER feel bad for protecting your children from them.