Wish I wasn't so obsessive...

but I could see myself stewing and stewing forever...or let it all go and I am determined to let it go so it doesn't get the best of me...but for now this song by Celine is a good jammin song that I love to sing out loud to.
They are gonna definitely get what's coming to them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndbc-6_RxLA

Anyway, not sure how to add a youtube link here, but the song is called: "Treat Her Like a Lady"

He's had it lucky with me as I haven't tried to make his life difficult, but I know there have to be OW that he has manipulated that are out go get him. You know it has to be a constant thing for these guys to try to protect their reputation and how tiring it must be to keep up the facade all the time. It's like the people who work the hardest to get out of working...never understood that.

gettinbetter's picture

Remember alittledark we talked about how the obsessing would start once you began your detox. I hate to say it but its probably gonna get worse before it gets better that's just the nature of addiction and withdrawl. The longer you stay off the drug the withdrawl symptoms will start to decline its the first few weeks that are horrific. Go back and read some of the stories that sen5t shivers down your spine and it will help
blueeyes's picture

I look back at the obsessing and cring at what I did. I spied on him all day and night. It was so pathetic the lengths I went to catch him in doing nothing except having a personality disorder. I had to get technical about the disorder before moving forward.
blueeyes's picture

If you think that obsessing is something YOU yourself is causing, pls don't. The obsessing is needed at this point for you. I do not claim to know your story or details of your situation honey, but I do know that YOU are not obsessing forever. I read your post yesterday on the music video and want to respond. Maybe we can chat on the new site? I would love that. Are you a member with an inbox on AARN? I would love to tell you how to control these thoughts. There is also a blog here that Lisa posted. There is lots of help about obsessing for you. I have been reading your posts. I have a soft spot for you because I was so obsessing when I first joined. It was such an emotional roller coaster for a long time. Think about what leads to obsessive thoughts and why? You do not generate these thoughts, but YOU can control them.
alittledark's picture

The days seem to be dragging by so very, very slow and all I want to do is come back to the computer and check my email, look at a forum he belongs to and to this site. It's like every 30 min. or so. I want to know what he is doing so much. We had a routine and it's killing me not to see an email from him....after all I know about him. My mood is depressed and lately I've been taking more naps than usual. I can't seem to focus on my daily chores and studies. I am so tired of feeling this way. You gals have been so caring with all your concerned, but I can't even seem to offer any help to anyone else because I am so consumed with these feelings inside me. I so wish I could skip this whole year so the thoughts and longings for him vanish. When I read your story about how you left him there in the hospital and he seemed to have a break-through, I was thinking maybe there is hope, then when you went on to say he invaded your home and punched you in the face...I couldn't imagine that confusion, shock and pain that you endured. My narc has not had a chance to reveal any of these horrific actions to me given our long-distance relationship, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he is capable of it. It makes me very mad that I don't have the courage to call him out on all the bizarre ways he has treated me after calling me his girlfriend. Thank you so much for your kind words. This is the only place I have to vent, learn and feel like I am with people who really care and understand unconditionally. I do want to join the other forum, but have been afraid to ask if I have to pay a monthly charge. I know it would be worth it, but I wouldn't want my husband to see any charges on my credit card for the recovery site.

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

kla2000's picture

I relate to EVERYTHING you said here. I,too, am having a very difficult time letting go of my ex-Narc. It was routine for us to email or IM everyday. Now that is gone. I feel as tho i am withdrawing from a drug. The obsessive thoughts are constant and I cannot stand it anymore. Please know that I am thinking of you. I think we just need to stay the course. The girls here have already begun to help!
alittledark's picture

All thoughts and prayers are very much needed right now and the support from this site is what is sustaining me I think. My family is my motivation, but you guys/gals are my guiding light :) He always told me I was a very emotional person and maybe that is one of the reasons that I obsess, but I know that despite my weaknesses, (I believe) any woman could fall easily for their traps...they are just that manipulative. He said he often thought of me when he heard the song "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. He implied that I lived for emotion and maybe I do, but I am in the process of finding a local therapist that I can get all my emotions sorted so that no one will take advantage of me again. Take care ...and I know together we are all stronger :) I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. --Helen Keller

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

blueeyes's picture

What a typical song to chose. Ugg, that is pathetic and mean. What's a great way to throw an emotionally abused woman off her balance? I know, tell her there's a song that reminds me of her. Oh honey, I'm sorry. I pray to see the day you get pissed about this. I really hate the way they throw us off balance. That drove me insane because I saw him doing it and called him out on his crap. Also, I think SOI would know for sure there is a way to join without the charge being a recovery site. All about recovery won't come up as a suspicious charge. Did he ruin that song for you? I hope not, I think I will add it to my song list on AARN for healing but not if your ruined. Don't let him ruin YOU. Did you post a story? Ill go look. Hang in honey, you will make it.
alittledark's picture

I think he would purposely put things in my mind to remind me of him. He loved emailing me songs from the eighties since that is when we met. I am still trying to figure out why he would send me a song from the eighties called: "Count on Me" I don't really remember that song and what really hurt me was the fact that he used to tell me he missed my blue eyes and in the lyrics of that corny song it talks about a girl with green eyes. I think he meant to send me that purposely to make me wonder...was he seeing someone with green eyes or did he want me to think he really didn't care enough to remember my eye color that at one time seemed to be something he liked about me....he always kept me wondering. Nah, he didn't ruin the Journey song for me, but not to give away his location...I have trouble listening to a certain song by the Doobie Bros., lol I will ask SOI about the recovery site and the how the charges show up. I posted my story a while back on this site, but asked Betty to take it down because I wasn't thinking and added some unnecessary details. In his line of work he does a lot of online research (although makes me sick to think of all the other stuff he does online...yuck...that he laughed off as no big deal). I long so much to chat with you gals about him and sincerely want to get pissed at him. I am still longing for that fantasy of him liking me, even when I know it's not possible. Why do I even care what he thinks of me. I worry about what anyone thinks of me and I hate that about myself. Don't give up on me!!!! P.S. I just looked up his wife's name under Bing and her education consists of Psychology and Sociology...how ironic, lol...I hope she sees him for everything he is and doesn't live in denial about it....and lol, his first wife majored in psychology as well. I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. --Helen Keller

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

blueeyes's picture

We would never, ever give up on you...EVER! Toss that out the widow. Crazy girl. Wow, his wife could be a PHD and still an enabler. Hmm, interesting. So, be careful in choosing a therapist. I have been through many and when you have emotional trauma, it's slim pickins out there. My mental health care provider wouldn't cover a coach for me when I asked. Seriously all I pay into health insurance and I can't get a certified coach that knows the abuse I have been through? Not right. That's why I was excited to see that Lisa and Betty were making these changes on the new site for recovery coaching. Yes, I believe he sent you al the eighties videos to keep HIM in your head, dig into your psyche a little deeper. There are many tricks that sometimes they don't even know they are tricking you. This is their make up of their personality that drives them to do these things without thought or regards towards other human life except their own. Everything they say and do is for them and them only. See? I would never give up on you because was clueless when I joined this site. CLUELESS, I couldn't even make sense in my posts. I was so brainwashed I can't notice who I was when I look back. I made awful decisions to please him that I know I wouldn't normally make. I put his needs before my own children. I was a complete brainwashed idiot. That's because I didn't know what happened to me. Now, I understand exactly what he did to me and it is unacceptable. Honey once you understand the disorder (and that takes time) you go through the stages. This is the start for you. There are brighter days ahead, I know. I was way worse off than you sound. Every 30 min your looking at the computer? I was NON STOP. I ignored everyone and everything around me. I am wide awake now. I am not healed all the way, nope. I just understand what, why, how, when and where it all began and ended. If you go to the new site and sign up register) there is a free trial and the instructions on how it comes u on a charge is explained. I know there are more options for guidance for you hin. I feel for you, I been there.