When my grandmother passed away last year, I *KNEW* what I felt. I was sad, I missed her, I have many great memories of her. I still miss her. A kindhearted, loving, compassionate,fun woman.
But with the ex-Psych, enough CD on my part the "eulogy" wouldn't make sense. It would be confusing enough to merit a score card. If I wished him ill, he would enjoy it... and sometimes frustration is fun... so definitely NOT. Whenever I wished him well, he'd throw a titanic fit. I speak from experience. If I ended a call with "have a nice evening",he'd get snippy and angry. The MOST famous example of this behavior is when I wished him&his girlfriend (now wife) a happy life together... I got a temper tantrum that makes my 2 year old nephew look mature. Wishing him happiness always got a negative reaction (on his part)
So, to get right down to it, I don't know how I feel. My inner jury is out. But my feelings have changed over time. When I learned he had gotten married&had kids, it was a kick in the gut. I was upset&crying. But then, when I learned he had given a lecture (there had been a passage of time, a substantial one)... I didn't feel happy, like I did with his first lecture. I wasn't ready to book a flight to ABQ. I wasn't ecstatic. I didn't feel like I missed out (but New Mexico is lovely) I wasn't angry or jealous either. I didn't feel a cosmic sense of injustice.
What was surreal was I felt the same amount of excitement as when I get my utility bill. I saw it as fact, but not as feeling.
It's unlikely I would find out. So, really the thought doesn't occur to me.
That said I don't see any point at all in wishing ill on ANYONE. Wishing ill says more about the ill-wisher than the target!
Hermes
Yes, of course.........I would be untrue to myself if I could find joy in his suffering. He may have made me suffer, even intentional, and found joy in some sick twisted way, but that's not who I am. I wouldn't wish terrible things to happen to my worst enemy.......(which is him. LOL)
When the OW was diagnosed with breast cancer, some thought I should relish in that, find it to be satisfying, since she didn't care about me when she started an affair with my husband........but that is not who I am, and I refuse to be filled with so much hatred that it is all consuming. It's not healthy for me, nor for the people that I love. It honestly broke my heart to learn that news, and I do pray for her recovery. No one on this planet should suffer that way.
It is fun to say that you "wish" bad things to happen to someone that hurt you. It's empowering to hear yourself say them out loud at times. But you say those words to release the anger from within you. But if you were to be totaly honest with yourself, you wish no harm to anyone.
How i wish i have the indifference so many of you have. The question came because i dream about him last nite he was in a v sorry state alone in an aged home very old and bed ridden totally different from his arrogant usual self. I felt so sad and i cried. That was a dream but i remember it vividly. I wokeup and ask myself. I honestly will feel for him.
Yes, i know he never loved me. Infact he never said he love me. And to me the relationship is over and i do not wish to see him again.
Somehow that empathetic self in me acts up. I wish i could turn that part of me off towards the narc. Well maybe thats me.
I'm waiting and have the Champagne ready to pop..
He doesn't care if I live or die, he's made me suffer for his own entertainment.. I wish him a miserable life.. Yes the evil eye indeed...
Hunter
No. And what's even more interesting, I had this thought a lot when I was with him...he's a cop in a big city so the possibility exists every day he leaves to go to work...asked myself the same question...and the answer was 'no' then as well. That was 2 years before I left.
Let's see...did he gaf that I had a cerebral aneurysm repair last January and was in ICU? Nuff said.
If you asked me a year ago when i thought he had cancer, turned out to be a false diagnosis, I was shocked and sad. Now a year later and so many hateful letters to me from the man, I would not be sad or have my heart broken and I am normally a very empathetic woman.He blames me 100% for the demise of our relationship which we all know is impossible, but he will never look within himself. I pray to God that one day he gets an epiphany and apologizes to me...one can always hope..............
If I have to be ruthlesslessly honest..the answer is YES.
I can't help being a soggy empath. How can i delete 20+ years of living together as his legal wife??
I know so much has happened.. I know he don't think of me as his beloved wife...i know if i die, he will not be able to miss me...
and still.... i have to remain I.
Can't change the essence of ME.
Nope, I thought my heart was broken last year, but I was wrong. I got kicked in the balls real hard is what happened. And my daughter lost her sense of security for awhile. But she has that with me now. And the swelling has gone down in my balls. What I am left with is that if something happens to the exwn I will deal with it then. But it won't break my heart.
I don't want her back. Or her front. Or her company.
That is good.
ds
But i do not wish him any physical harm,i just wish him to be in peace,lead a quiet life without making any victims anymore...my ex is very aware of what he is,he has suffered all his life already and will continue to hurt himself and others,i wish for a miracle.
Because that would mean he is literally a puff of smoke and I'd have a hard time thinking about him in terms of ashes. My heart is already broken and final doesn't get anymore final than death. As sick and sadistic as he is, I would feel very sad for many reasons.
I would still feel sad and sorry for him. No i wont be contacting him. I would still feel something, cant help it. Its just me maybe even many years out i would still feel.
What a question. Surprised to know the answer without even having to think about it.
No.
My days of caring for him, and of caring too much, are history and so is he.
Me too WOS. When I cut the ties for the last time, I mourned who I thought he was. When I took my rose colored glasses off and realized I made him a nice person, not him, i mourned him. I was married to him for 20 years and never really knew him. I have to ask myself, who or what would I mourn?
It is hard to feel sorry for a grown man who acts like an idiot. I do sometimes think of him as maybe 5 yrs old and feel sorry for the pain from so long ago that made him the monster he is now.
Red, I'm sorry that you had 20 years of it. I often think of xn's x wife who was with xn for almost that long and I feel really sad for her too. 20 years is a really long time. I'm just glad you are finally away from the misery.
"Falling off the face of the earth" is exactly how I picture his demise. It's like those old Saturday morning cartoons: he's just walking along, all by himself, way up high on a brown, scruffy cliff, with the fluffy white clouds going by, when, suddenly, he runs out of ground to walk on. But, he doesn't fall right away, of course. As in the cartoons, he has to realize there is no ground beneath his feet before the falling can commence. Then he just goes--whoosh!
One day, I may be above this.
Don't know how I'd feel
I don't think broken hearted
Indifference
Nope!
victimnomore
No
If I was under hypnosis, I
Yes, of course.........I
I don't wish him ill...I
How i wish i have the
I'm waiting and have the
Yes
No. And what's even more
sea
yes
Nope, I thought my heart was
My heart is already broken...
Aceonelady
sea
Yes
I would still feel sad and
no
no
Reverse Gaslighting
I already went to his funeral
Me too WOS. When I cut the
Red, I'm sorry that you had
Not only no but hell NO. He
Ha!