Why won't he mail me my stuff!!! What do you guys think????

27 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 20 - 2PM

imdone

Why won't he mail me my stuff!!! What do you guys think????

My last interaction with my XN was very disturbing to me. I saw something in him I never knew existed. In my haste to leave his home (and his haste to get me out of his house). I left a few things. Nothing of real importance but I really wanted my Ipod touch that I left. So after about 3 weeks,once I started to feel better and not so much hatred in my heart and thinking he would mail it to me and I never received it I sent the following email below. I still have not heard from him, don't know if he replied when he got it because I forgot I had him blocked, but once I realized that he was blocked I unblocked to see if he would reply. I didnt get a reply within a week so I blocked him again(really didnt need a reply, just wanted him to mail my stuff), I assumed he would not respond and maybe just mail it...still no ipod, Why is not returning my things when I returned his????

Hello Asshole,(LOL I wrote his name but I was thinking it)

I hope all is well with you. I believe that I left my Ipod there. I wasn't going to email you about it because I thought that you would just mail it to me but since I haven't received it, I'm wondering if its there or not? If you mailed it already than thank you. If I left it there please mail it to me, I would appreciate that. I took your navy books and picture to your sister a couple of weeks ago like I said I would do.

Also I want you to know that in the beginning I was really bitter and hurt, but I realize that holding a grudge and hatred in my heart will not be helpful to me and it will only consume me so I have begun to let all of that go. Believe me I went back and forth on if I should send this email for a whole 5 minutes LOL! In all seriousness, don't worry this will not be a habit, I will not email you again (smile), I really respect this decision. I wish you all the luck in your career. Take care of yourself.

Please mail the Ipod to
My Address was here

Thanks and Be safe!

I was very nice and I wanted him to know I wasn't hurting or sad, and I want my IPOD!!!! I have not emailed again and I dont plan on it!!!!

#2 Jun 25 - 6AM

helldweller

imdone

Mine stopped me in the street after eight months of the silent treatment (after I found out he had five other women the entire four years we were together). He touched my face and said, "You need to know I love you." I texted him a few days later and asked if I could have my soup pot back. This was a pot my godmother taught me to cook with. It meant so much to me. He never answered. I asked again a few weeks later. No answer again. It's all about control--and making you feel you don't matter. at. all. Sorry for what you went through. xoxo

#3 Jun 23 - 9PM

ifinallygotit

I got my things back...

but on his terms 11 months later because he came back to town for a week and wanted to see me so it became suddenly about wanting to "return my stuff" which he had happily left rotting while he was gone. Hunter is right - it is all about control - they do positive things for us only if they benefit. Giving you back your things and losing you is not what they want. Mine wanted to game me again and it was convenient for him to have a reason to contact me and pretend he was concerned about returning my things. He gave me more than I asked for, including some old house shoes that his puppy had chewed up and it made me sad to see them since I miss the dog. Since his big romantic swoop into town I have heard from him once - a 2 word text. I needed to see him again to understand this disorder better. I love my ex N but I see now that he is far from normal and cannot ever be reliable or normal in communications. It has taken a year for me to be able to assimilate it - was too painful to admit how far away from a normal couple we were and still sad because no matter how screwed up he is and how selfish and limited - I know I mean more to him than anyone (except himself). It could never be more than like teens dating (and we are in our 50's). Hope you all get it quicker than me - this is tough stuff - I still adore him but think he is crazy now - So what does that say about me for tolerating it??

#4 Jun 23 - 6AM

badjer

My ex game played with mine

My ex game played with mine too. After sending oh-so-sweet "let's meet for a closure meal" soon after the break up (WTF, may I ask?? So you can hurt me some more??) I went NC on him. 2 months later I got a stroppy email (interesting how it was sent the VERY NEXT DAY after his birthday, which I ignored) saying I had left some of my "bits" in his flat and did I want them. He listed each thing and asked where to send them. He said he would do this "asap". I got them 2 weeks later, minus the lingerie I wore for him, my stockings, or some chocolates he bought me as a gift in a tin. He sent back things I didn't ask for, as well as a chocolate bar he knew I liked but really didn't need to send. Guilt-tripping / game-playing at it's finest. They hold on to the things because it is the only link they have. It is a link and it is control. Simplez, as the meerkats say XXX

#5 Jun 23 - 6AM (Reply to #20)

Littleone

Oh the lingerie. Mine kept

Oh the lingerie. Mine kept fishnet stockings and a sexy dress of mine. They must recycle this stuff (or wear it themselves) Sick sick sick

#6 Jun 23 - 7AM (Reply to #21)

imdone

Wow I left a bra and a few

Wow I left a bra and a few other things besides the Ipod but I figured he could throw the other stuff in the trash...I hope he did that would be creepy if he still has it. Now I am so regreting all the sexy pictures that I sent him, being that he was so far I did what any fiancee would do for their man. I hope and pray he got rid of them, believe me thats a lesson learned no more sexting for me!!!!

#7 Jun 24 - 4AM (Reply to #22)

badjer

Oh lord don't, he had so many

Oh lord don't, he had so many of me it frightened the shit out of me. BUT, he said in his first missive after we broke up (when he was suggesting a 'closure meal' sealed with a kiss - how very decent of him) that he had 'deleted all photos' so he had 'nothing that could cause me any embarrassment or awkwardness.' Gee - thank you for the reassurance, my darlingheart. Then when he sent his stroppy email (after I didn't bother responding to his 'closure meal' email) this time, he had deleted ALL EMAILS, PHOTOS AND TEXTS...so there was nothing to cause me any difficulty. Read as: I HAVE DELETED YOU FROM MY LIFE YOU BITCH. HAVE YOUR SHIT BACK. Bitter, much??? XXX

#8 Jun 24 - 7AM (Reply to #23)

Littleone

Ugh mine has videos of us...

Ugh mine has videos of us... Yuck

#9 Jun 25 - 6AM (Reply to #24)

Lobo555

Pictures

CharlieSheenWinning has no pics. But LotsothePsycho does. He's a whole 'nother story. I cringe every time I think of it. I trusted the guy, though, and it seemed like a bit of harmless fun. He said he deleted them, but I don't believe him.

#10 Jun 21 - 5AM

agnesmurphy17

getting your stuff

Rather than an e-mail, you could send a certified letter, return receipt requested. In the letter, you request your IPOD. In fact, you could send a whole package with a box, prepaid to return. You can get such a box & proper packing materials at a Mail Boxes Etc., UPS type place. Write that if there is no response within 7 days, I will be forced to take appropriate legal action (do not specify what). Then you have a copy of the letter & his signed receipt. If he does not send IPOD back, go to the police & file a complaint for larceny. All narcissists steal things they are interested in. They withhold your stuff (which they do not want) as control. Maybe walking away is a better idea. But e-mails & blocked accounts are not really the best means of notice & request.

#11 Jun 20 - 3PM

Done sourcing

I spent years where you spent

I spent years where you spent months, buy a new ipod and be grateful you never ever ever have to talk to him again. No contact is the pathway to sanity, the only pathway!

#12 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #14)

imdone

Yeah thats what I have

Yeah thats what I have decided to do, I have blocked him so that he cant email me and I changed my phone number as soon as I got home a month ago. I was emotionally invested in this relationship for two years and a year an a half of it was an emotional roller coaster. I was planning our wedding, even when I knew he wasnt right in the head. I will be buying a new Ipod this week and he will not hear from me again, I feel like thats the best revenge I could give him, since he was so use to me playing this cat and mouse game with him. I am doing so much better after only one month and I believe its because I knew deep down it was a matter of time...oh and that he was crazy!!!!

#13 Jun 21 - 7AM (Reply to #15)

Littleone

I was planning our wedding

I was planning our wedding too!! Was going to be married in march next year! He D&D'd me the day before we were meant to pay our deposit! He withheld all of mine and my babies things so I had to 'break in' to my own house ( with police permission) when he was at work. Some of my personal items were already missing and I'll never get them back- My engagement ring A setimental ring of my deceased great aunts (pretty sure he has hocked both rings for money) iPod My favorite perfumes (others were there just not my faves) My dance pole (he had reinstalled it in the bedroom ...) I couldn't take my dance pole ( it's for exercise) because it was too hard to get it down and we wanted to get out of there quick smart. He then said I had already taken it. So he had either kept it for his next victim or he has sold it. I've Been forced to cut my losses and leave this stuff behind. On another note when I went there to get my things when he wasn't home, all mine and the babies things had been thrown in the babies room . It was like he had completely cleaned any trace of us... Except for one photo of my son... Oh btw he had cleaned out all of my clothes except for a sexy dress I had ( and now have) and my fishnet stockings which he left in the bedside drawer probably for himself or his next victim. Yuck. Glad I'm out. These things are just objects, they mean nothing. I have my son and my freedom and that's all that matters.

#14 Jun 21 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

prettypeeved

It's just stuff. (Apart from

It's just stuff. (Apart from the sentimental value part) So replace it. Getting away from the narc and having some sanity is worth far more :-)

#15 Jun 21 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

imdone

Littleone

Oh wow I'm sorry that you had to result to breaking in to get your stuff. Im just going to buy another one. He bought me the Ipod as a gift he probably feel like it belongs to him. I would never take anything back that i bought him. Poor thang is still pissed with me because I told him off, changed my number and did not play his cat and mouse game. Its kind of funny now but its ok, he knows that I can buy another one or have someone buy one for me. It really bothered him that men adore me and Im not insecure, but lord knows he almost had me gone for a minute.

#16 Jun 20 - 2PM

prettypeeved

It's all control. Assert

It's all control. Assert yourself and stop his games by getting another one.

#17 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

imdone

You are right, Im very proud

You are right, Im very proud of myself because I have not reached out again, and i believe thats what he expects because that is what he is used to from me. He is holding the Ipod hostage LOL so that I can be weak to him. Its not that important, I asked for it once and he did not send it so Im done. Just as long as he knows that Im fine and he did not make me a weak, butter woman. He actually helped me more than he knows...

#18 Jun 20 - 2PM

Hunter

Same narc different body!

Same narc different body! Why? Control, he wants you to beg like a dog! Go buy another one! You are not talking to normal, "scrambled Eggs" Hunter

#19 Jun 22 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

twisted

I'm gonna have to be harsh

Maaaan, I did this too. Being all nice because I'm not a bitch and wanted stay in his good books (still fighting for that, even afterwards) You know when I got the most reaction from him? When I said "don't ever message me again." HOOOOBOY, that made him jump to attention. I'm gonna have to be harsh and agree with Hunter on this one. You are bending over backwards (probably bc you are still walking on eggshells with him) and are giving him all the room in the world to ignore you and work on his schedule. He doesn't care. I'm sorry to say it like that but he doesn't. If he mailed it back like a decent person would, that would be like him cutting off his supply. Narc's don't do that. That Ipod is his dangling carrot for you. I would bet the farm that if your message had said: I bought a new and better Ipod, you can keep my old one. You would have heard back from him in a second.

#20 Jun 22 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

imdone

You are right, I decided that

You are right, I decided that I will not worry about it or contact him again about it. I do believe he is holding it on purpose. He can have it. I do admit that a part of me wants to email him and tell him, to keep it as a reminder of me, someone bought me a new one! Believe me I see more and more that he doesnt care and want me to keep emailing about it, but hell no, imdone!

#21 Jun 20 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

imdone

You are funny, I have decided

You are funny, I have decided to buy another one I figured it was to control me.

#22 Jun 20 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

spinning

Hunter's right, as always,

I'm done. It's all about control. Whenever you ask for something from a disordered one, it is a guarantee that you will get the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you nicely, politely asked for. You can go to the bank on that one. Say goodbye to your I-pod and hello to all the GREAT THINGS that will be invited into your life now that you're DONE. Truly it happens when you truly let go! I think you are on the path to a wonderful future. You will be so happy one day! Peace and love to you, I'm done. I'm so glad you're done! Sincerely, (not) spinning. I MADE A CHOICE TO STOP. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION...AND PSYCHO FREAKS!

spinning

#23 Jun 24 - 5AM (Reply to #7)

badjer

True true true true XXXX

#24 Jun 20 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

imdone

Thanks for the words of

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am doing better than I thought I would be. We were engaged to be married in less than a year from now and I thank God everyday that I didnt marry him, because my therapist, (yes I went to see one months before we finally broke up to help me understand what I was going through) She warned me that he was not going to change and if I married him he will get worse. Boy is she so pleased that I finally let go!!!!

#25 Jun 24 - 5AM (Reply to #6)

badjer

My mum (therapist for free)

My mum (therapist for free) said the EXACT SAME THING about my ex. She said "if he's like that now and you're not even living together, imagine what he would be like if you were to marry. Three words: DODGED. A. BULLET. XXXX

#26 Jun 20 - 2PM (Reply to #4)

Hunter

We all go the the shrink and

We all go the the shrink and pop pills! Welcome to Narcville! Thank God you left! Hunter

#27 Jun 24 - 5AM (Reply to #5)

badjer

Yep! Got me shrink session

Yep! Got me shrink session booked and my happy meds. Thank you, joyous Wondernarc. XXX

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews