why should i feel guilty about leaving?

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 19 - 5PM

whoknew

why should i feel guilty about leaving?

how is it possible that he can lie, cheat, abuse, say he did nothing wrong and that he has nothing to make up to me for? how can he try to make me feel guilty because now he is broke and facing domestic violence charges and other problems?
why do they try to make you feel guilty for the shit they do? and why does it work sometimes?
i dont understand how someone can have their life fall apart and take no responsiblity for it and continue to blame others all the time!!!!!
and trying to explain this is pointless!!!!
frustrated. angry. venting.

#2 Jul 19 - 7PM

happysoon

I think part of the reason we

I think part of the reason we feel some guilt over them is because we have feelings and were taught not to hurt someone else....unlike the Narc who uses and abuses without any sort of remorse I think you did nothing wrong at all...he is a bad man and choked you...HE did it...his employers should know

#3 Jul 19 - 6PM

Brooke1

whoknew

I felt guilty for a long time too for even thinking of leaving.I know,its confusing and irritating cause they are the ones that should feel guilty! Another thing I used to feel guilty about is when I started to emotionally shut-down from him, because of him damaging my trust and being hurtful through the whole relationship.I knew it was his fault that i was starting to dread the weekends with him,and i sure put up with alot of crap before my emotional defenses started going up, but when i noticed that change happening in me, i somehow felt bad about it. The more people you have to validate you and run things past, the better.If it wasnt for me spilling my guts to supportive people who validate me and can see my relationship clearer than i can, i think i wouldve been used and abused much worse for much longer. You're on the right track!

#4 Jul 19 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

StudentOfLife

Feeling guilty

Feeling guilty when you emotionally shut down to protect yourself from all the hurt that HE caused you. I completely relate to this!! Bewildering.... yet this is what we go through. I wonder, is this in part due to the cognitive dissonance? emotional blackmail and manipulation?

#5 Jul 19 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

whoknew

thank you

i hope that i am turning the corner. i went through a period of guilt. his poor me stories have always had an effect on me and i dont know why. i reported to his job about his domestic violence charges, i will admit out of spite, and then i felt very guilty about it. this man put me through so much hurt, humiliation, disrespect, debt,etc. and could have cared less....i wanted to hurt him back. i wrestled with guilt about doing that for a long time. i have prayed about it and asked for forgiveness from God. i cant change what i did anyways but i will admit that now that the fog has lifted that i wish i wouldnt have. and that is a huge difference between him and i....i actually feel bad about what i did. he still honestly believes that he did nothing wrong and that blows my mind. he believes i owe him something for doing that to him because now he cannot get a promotion and they are watching him. basically, his dirty little secret is out. i felt bad for awhile but i am tired of him trying to make me feel bad for the things that he has done!!!!!

#6 Jul 19 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

Brooke1

Your anger is healthy

Its normal to feel spite when a partner is so hurtful to us, and not even sorry to make it worse. I know, mine was never sorry for anything either. About 6 mo ago when my dad passed away,my N went out of his way to be as cold and unsupportive as he could to me. I stood by him through so many things that he brought on himself,but he shamelessly refused to be there for me when it was my turn to need support. He was actually so nasty and inappropriate to me that i had to push him away just to get through the funeral time.I told him "dont come to the funeral, your not being supportive...i'll call you in a few days." So he felt sorry for himself and went out on a cocain relapse again.When he didnt call after a few days and i couldnt get ahold of him, i felt SO GUILTY! I was so worried that he might have committed suicide because of me pushing him away,etc. So instead of just being able to grieve over my dad in peace, i had to go through feeling guilty--even from the minute i finished telling him to stay away from the funeral. I was angry at him but missed him, and was soooooo worried about him! He is not sorry for that, or anything else hurful he's said or done.Infact, he felt sorry for himself that i didnt let him come to the funeral. Dont get discouraged. We go through fazes and get stronger, slowly but surely. Guilt is something they put on us because they are master manipulators. Keep reaching out :)

#7 Jul 19 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

whoknew

exactly

i have been through similar situations. we would fight and i would have valid reasons for my anger or i would have a need for him and....poof...it would all get switched back to HIM! its freakin' exhausting dealing with them!!!! the same thing over and over and over!!!!!

#8 Jul 19 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

Susan32

You didn't do anything BAD

I don't see how reporting his domestic violence charges is somehow "wronging" him. I don't understand this guilt you have, unless it's residual. He PROJECTED his shame&guilt onto you- and you feel GUILTY about doing something right. You were getting JUSTICE. Was it out of spite? Maybe. But you were being HONEST. You were telling the truth, while he tries to fool the world with his facade. "I actually feel bad about what I did"-He HURT you. He injured you. REAL charges were made. If you had lied about him, fabricated false charges, then your remorse would be justified. "I wish I wouldn't have"-No. You should have ZERO regrets. You didn't hurt him back;all you did was TELL THE TRUTH. When he got those domestic violence charges, HE sabotaged himself. It was HIS self-destruction. You should feel PROUD of yourself for doing what you did! You stood up for yourself, yet your Narc had you so beaten down that you beg God for forgiveness, wish you hadn't done it, and feel bad about it. You owe him NOTHING. Not even an "I'm sorry" because he'd feel powerful. Be glad you haven't told him that you regret it, or that you wish you hadn't done it, because it would be infinite NS.

#9 Jul 19 - 6PM (Reply to #4)

whoknew

thank you

see how bad he has my head messed up???? i did tell the truth. he did choke me, etc. i didnt feel bad about pressing charges, i felt bad for reporting it to his job because i did do that out of spite. i was struggling with the revenge aspect of it. but you are right, he did it to himself and i have nothing to feel bad about. my counselor says that i am too hard on myself and i think she is right! sometimes i just need to hear it and your comment about infinite NS is so true. thanks for you comment and support!

#10 Jul 19 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

Hunter

Whoknew

Why do your guys tell me these things?? Choke you? WTF! What are you missing? Run don't walk from this POS! Never question or look back! Hunter

#11 Jul 19 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

whoknew

i plead temporary insanity :-)

who the hell knows why i let these thoughts creep into my mind!?!?! POS...couldn't have said it better!!!

#12 Jul 19 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Hunter

Whoknew

You know, brain washing at it's best! If I told you that same thing you'd think I was nuts, right? God I hate these guys, I'm glad you are safe and away from him, keep it that way! Hunter

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