why does he have it all and I am struggling

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#1 Dec 18 - 3AM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why does he have it all and I am struggling

I found out he is now the leader of a support group. yea, he was sooo supportive of me... this makes me ill.

Here I am , nice, kind, supportive...and barely getting by most days getting over the jerk...who left me in the worst way possible and could careless if I am living and he now is a big deal support leader. I thought board member was bad enough. Now he runs another group.

He will fail, right? Or will he be able to keep the mask on long enough.

I remember there was talk that he was trying to wiggle his way in..to be a leader...and now that is true.

SO predator is on the loose helping mostly sick young women.

Today I reached a point where I now know what he is..but it just seems like he has it all.

Dec 19 - 3PM
Empathy
Empathy's picture

one word............. KARMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it will come around ....... I WILL Survive.
Dec 19 - 2PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh my Goodness i know what

Oh my Goodness i know what you mean about the narc having this outward mask of trying to help people , lots are pillors of the comunity . My narc is in politics (lots of narcs in politics too) . My narc did something to help many and was in the papers .One report called him man of the people ! I remember the day clearly , his face was every where i looked .I could have vomited seeing as just 3 weeks before he was kicking me out of his house when i heared the news my mother had a terrible illness . The man has NO feelings for others , he did his good deed so it would make himself look good in the eyes of others so he could climb the political ladder . He gave up his job so he could do more work for the comunity and made sure everyone knows it .Slowly the cracks are showing though and he is slowly pissing off people with his massive ego . Roughly every three weeks he will write something that makes no sence or upsets someone and i get a phone call asking me what he ment or is he alright and i tell then "no he has a personality disorder its very sad " lol. Destiny "truth will out " and im a great believer in this . Keep the faith . Scoop x
Dec 19 - 3PM (Reply to #22)
Monica
Monica's picture

Scoop.....this all sounds very familiar to me....

It was weird to read your post, Scoop. Mine is in politics, too, but was NEVER considered a "man of the people," thank goodness! Mine would give large contributions to charity (and is probably majorly in debt, too) and would announce it to everyone, for days and days. Everything mine (my EX because I showed him the door) also did everything for the sole purpose of making himself look good (all an illusion) and to boost his ego and gain supply. And, exactly like you, there are cracks showing through in mine and now once-trusted friends are saying that they don't think they can trust him anymore and are talking about all his lies and bullshitting and ego. I kept quiet the entire time I was seeing him. I never exposed his lies, his true nature, his manipulations, his contradictions before out of respect for his friends and because I know that would make me seem like the crazy one. But now those friends are seeing the light and making comments about not trusting him and about his lying. I speak carefully. Yesterday was the first time I mentioned narcissism to one of them after an incident occurred in which xN and his lies came up. If people are questioning his trustworthiness, I will gently suggest that they NOT trust him. I have exposed a few of his lies - and proven them to be lies - but I do so selectively and carefully and only to those who are doubting. But I try to keep silent about it all. He used and lied to his "friends" as much as he used and lied to me. It is the only way he knows how to relate to people. They don't matter to him. I never mattered to him. What we could supply him with was all that mattered to him, all that ever will matter to him. If I might ask you....do you think he has gotten worse since giving up his job so he could do more work in the community? Is he making less money doing what he is doing now?
Dec 19 - 5PM (Reply to #23)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Monica

Monica ,He is doing ok for money at the moment , as for getting worse in his time off i would say yes because he has more time to think up crazy ideas . My Narc is i believe suffering from grandure , he is currently working on a paper he truely believes will be a follow on from Marx work and will change the world . I roll my eyes at this and cringe that for a while i thought it was important for him to write as he had convinced me he had something important to say to the world , He is in fact a plonker... It scares me how easy i was brainwashed by someone so insignificant . Some of my friends where raising an eye brow at me for supporting him for so long . All i can say to them is that i was depressed but i am getting better now .I will to my closes friends descride the disorder but to most i will just say the depressed thing as it would just take too long to explane . Big Love Scoop x
Dec 19 - 7PM (Reply to #25)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

same with mine

Psycho-Boy considers himself an ETHICAL POLITICAL PUNDIT. he says things on his blog that are in DIRECT OPPOSITION to things he has said TO or ABOUT me... Here's one persons take on him - you can find his blog from this post (I don't want Psycho-Boy coming here...) The destructive narcissist can steal virtue and substance from her profession or from belonging to certain clubs or organizations or charities. Service professions are very attractive to malignant narcissists. So is religion. As is Parenthood. - Anna Valerious ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 19 - 7PM (Reply to #26)
Monica
Monica's picture

The contradictions are ridiculous

Barbara, mine was always telling me one thing, telling another person something totally different and then I would find out that neither was true, the truth was something other than what he told both of us. It was crazy, just crazy, as he couldn't even keep his stories straight. Many times he even told me the same story twice with different facts and circumstances. I wanted to laugh in his face and say "WTF??!!" but I never did, I allowed him to continue to live in his fantasy world (which must have been located somewhere in the Alpha Centauri solar system). Yeah, brainwashed, big time. But well on my way to being deprogrammed.
Dec 20 - 12AM (Reply to #27)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

lies

exNH isn't creative enough to lie like that - he's just obnoxiously self-absorbed and cold as ice. Psycho-Boy however, told me some things and told at least one other woman another. The wierd thing I learned about Pathologicals is THEY BELIEVE THEIR LIES AS THEY ARE SAYING THEM. Since their reality is so skewed, that lie can change at will - and they do NOT ALWAYS REMEMBER! THIS WHY THEY CAN PASS LIE DETECTOR TESTS WITH EASE! I found out Psycho-Boy told me more truth than anyone else but even THAT was dicey. Probably why he continues to smear me and spread lies & rumor about me. But much of it was unbelievably delusional. From PLANET N for sure. “When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they are seldom perplexed or embarrassed — they simply change their stories or attempt to rework the facts so that they appear to be consistent with the lie.” – Robert Hare, PhD They lie like they breathe... even they don't know the difference. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 20 - 6AM (Reply to #28)
Monica
Monica's picture

Lie detector tests....

Barbara...it's funny you bring this up...someone who DEfriended xN told me recently that he had a friend that was so good at GIVING lie detector tests that he could get even xN to slip up. I disputed him on that to the end, telling him that if someone believes their own lies they will pass the test. He kept insisting this guy he knew was so good he was sought after by the FBI, etc. Like you said...they lie as easily as they breathe and they believe their own lies. I think my xN could pass even the best of polygraph tests. My xN lied about the stupidest things - all lies to make himself look richer, better, more educated, have more status, etc. He once told me about a shopping spree he want on the night before and spent X-hundred dollars. He told me the same story about the same shopping spree the next day but this time he added several hundred dollars to the amount he said he spent. This stuff happened all the time and this was the least significant of his lies. Most were doozies. Idiot.
Dec 19 - 6PM (Reply to #24)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mine could write too- and is

mine could write too- and is currently working on something political as well(it is why he was appointed to the board for the one organization) They see his Narc qualities as an asset...his way with words and ability to debate the other side an asset. hope the big bad wolf doesnt get them with his fangs. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Dec 19 - 10AM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Desttiny

Hang in there girl & vent all you want on this website! Type as long as it takes to get it all out! Sometimes I post not expecting for anyone to even respond but someone always does. We are all here for each other...don't leave :(
Dec 19 - 7AM
nolongerafixer
nolongerafixer's picture

DESTINY- a thought for every day - `NEW HORIZONS`

destiny - thought for every day - NEW HORIZONS (also a little note for CYNTHIA at the end whilst im at it). I really know where youre coming from on this internal pain of seeing him achieve goals whilst you`re still suffering (because you still love him) . In my case, I feel ive been doing really well in working so damn hard in getting myself back to the once me prior to my narc. Its been such an uphill struggle - we can all relate to that. Forcing yourself to get through each day, continuously carrying those intrusive painfully aching thoughts of missing what you would have been doing with Dr. Jekyle(if you happened to have been the main supply for a controlling narc) together with those demonic memories of Mr. Hyde. Since my decision of going NC,Ive thrown myself into work becoming the confident in control person I was before, regained all my old friends, and I keep acquiring new friends with happy boldness,(I tell new friends honestly that I need to have new acquaintances to increase my social circle - some are happy to include me, some are weary of what they think maybe a desperate needy `no friend` saddo as they dont understand where im coming from but those who do understand my boldness are becoming great stable friends). I bought a whole new wardrobe/great haircut/ colour/ a little self tanning and consequently feel good about myself whenever walking out of the door. Head held up high, im able to greet local people who knew us with a bright cheery" Hello, how are you? Lovely to see you. Im very well thank you" to which their response is "You`re looking well. Great to see you`re happy " Outwardly, this gives me a sense of achievement as Im sure them not knowing the whole story and im sure hes lead them to believe hes just ditched me for another woman, theyd expect me to be devastated. In my efforts to push forward everyday thoughts are always there no matter how I try to reason or erase them. Total cognitive disonnance: I am now obsessed with memories of the pre xmas things id be doing with the man I so loved and still so love and miss terribly but try to overide them with memories of the cruel man who did things you just cant explain to anyone who hasnt been in the same abusive situation. Still questioning myself sometimes - surely it would be easier to be with my lovely Dr. Jekyle and learn new ways to cope with Mr. Hyde than have to keep working at this ON MY OWN .Before I went NC involving the police he contacted me incessantly trying to get it all back, promising this and that for eight solid weeks to which I ignored.I was so low at that point. But then I look how far Ive come within myself. Some days I feel absolutely ecstatic that I have my life back and am so looking forward to my NEW HORIZONS.I am actually able to walk around the shops preparing for xmas, listening to xmas love songs without feeling hurt -its as if ive turned another corner. But it`s still so hard to get rid of the thoughts of him. Although I now have my life almost 85% as it was in such a short space of time with the utmost self determination including old friends and new friends Ive made I am still suffering and having to work very hard emotionally, physically. About once every two weeks now (which is excellent for me) I may go right down. Relating to your thoughts : Unfortunately my narc lives within close proximity and as soon as I changed my phone numbers he went straight out and got himself another `nice` girlfriend (actually, no, she fell straight into his lap - a present from God!) and now he`s bought himself a brand new very lovely flash car. I see him fleetingly pass by, dressed up, looking handsome in said car alongside said new girlfriend who is getting the very best of my Dr. Jekyle at mo, probably very busy doing all the lovely xmassy things together whilst I, my own choice which I think makes it harder as I had to make the decision to leave the man I was in love with due to the man who constantly destroyed our building, am having to work so hard with this suffering and moving on. Like you, I feel so angry and hurt at the unfairness of his life being all rosy and easy after all the evil he has done. I went right down the other day thinking that the saying `goodness will conquer evil` is absolutly not true. It seems to me, where a narc is concerned - Evil conquers. Simple. Goodness doesnt get a look in. Goodness suffers. Goodness gets punished. Evil gets rewards. If there is a God, then why would God give him a brand new expensive flash car to enjoy and drive about in and place in his path a `nice` glfriend to have and enjoy for xmas - then leave me to suffer internally and struggle on my own?. Where is the `nice` man placed so conveniently in my path??? Where are my rewards? Surely having put up with very cruel narcissistic behaviour trying to help this monster to change, being a kind, considerate, law abiding, thoughtful, empathetic etc etc person would deserve what he has and him being the evil person he is should be in my position having to work hard on climbing up again for all the destruction he has caused???? I just couldnt get it. I text a very good friend in despair and this is what she replied to help me along another day: `dont believe in any god stuff going on. brand new car is bought with illegal money hence constant risk of being found out plus new car does not bring inner happiness. He is lunatic who has to have female on his arm to try to prove hes a man as he is riddled with insecurities. Dont forget hes a violent moron. Youre successfully weaning yourself off this predator - ignore what hes doing - enjoy what you are doing -keep going` and I also keep rereading what Lisa or Barbara said over and over - something like `to predict his future is to look at his past` and I feel, surely, I will conquer in the end and so will you. We have same feelings but different reasons. Dont let this man ruin the rest of your life. Dont think of what hes doing,think of what youre going to do to get out of this situation. Go out there - be bold. Ask for help from people. Some will give, some will run. You have to work through this . Are you in the UK? Hope my thoughts above relate and help some. p.s. A note for CYNTHIA. Hi, my darling. Havent been on the site just lately as pushing myself to progress, as above but often think of you. Hope you`re well. How are you progressing and do you still have these thoughts there at the back of your head? I feel very pleased with myself in my progression after such a short time - something to do with Im worth better but those instrusive thoughts as mentioned above are there everyday - just cant get rid. Wish a good hypnotist could eradicate them for me. Then job done. Hope you have a lovely xmas.
Dec 20 - 5AM (Reply to #18)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Hi nolongerafixer, I just

Hi nolongerafixer, I just read your story and i remembered that i liked it when i first read it. It impacted me cos the way you wrote describes beautifully the wonderful honeymoon period. How you went from describing that to this................. 'If I questioned an obvious questionable his rages got worse ( a bear trapped in the corner syndrome): once, I got punched so hard in the head I fell down, he poured water over me and told me to get up, my precious personal items were taken and thrown in the bushes or stamped on, my car tyres slashed for failing to return, I was punched and kicked again.' It was very well written and had the impact of how it really feels......shocking. I wouldn't want to be in a flash car with anyone who is capable of that.........oh the poor woman. It's such a shame that we can't see just what they are like before we are hooked.
Dec 20 - 10AM (Reply to #19)
nolongerafixer
nolongerafixer's picture

Ellen

Thank you so much for your words. Without you knowing it, an excellent shock tactic! You said `my` story impacted `you` and how well I described the `honeymoon` period (which never seems to leave the forefront of my memorybank) then YOU made an IMPACT on ME as you quoted something id written from the Mr. Hyde side on one of the horrific absolutely contradictory moments. It was very powerful. How you put it really hit home. I actually burst into tears but necessary ones bringing me to reality! In reality, of course one wouldnt want to be in a flash car with someone capable of doing that (and worse) and of course, poor woman - she has it coming eventually and she has no idea. It worries me why my brain doesnt see this myself alongside all the other horrific memories and why the fantasy stays alive. Its so curious that immediate memories are of us holding hands, enjoying romantic adventures together, being in love yet the absolutely, unnacceptable gross side should be at the forefront reminding me of how disgustingly cruel this man really is. I have printed this out and stuck it on my headboard to read every morning when I wake up to help squash the good memories. Thank you.
Dec 19 - 2PM (Reply to #16)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Good to hear from you

do you still have these thoughts there at the back of your head? Glad you are still fighting and kicking and hanging in there, those intrusive thoughts comes and go, I will go along for a a week and feel better than WHAMO, a bad thought enters my head, I call them insecure thoughts but I cant imagine why we would feel insecure after exposure to one of these freaks can you? The insecurity is part of the healing and its in those moments when we face them rather than giving in that we make progress, that we move ahead and know HEY, I AM OK, I am just fine there is nothing wrong with me, and there never was. In fact I am going to be more than just fine I am going to come out ahead in this, with or without a flashy new car and a man hanging on my arm, ha ha we dont need anything to boost us, because we already have something inside, it hurts now but it wont always be like that. We are letting go of something in our lives that was destructive and nothing but sick, evil only wins if we abide with it, what is in our hearts is what will win. Hope you have a Merry Christmas also xo
Dec 20 - 10AM (Reply to #17)
nolongerafixer
nolongerafixer's picture

cynthia

Thanks for your words too. Yep........they never leave. 24\7!!!! If they werent there it would now be over, done and dusted! As I said I have progressed a lot. When I think about it I see it ive actually been dating two very different men at the same time.(youll relate to this) Man 1 was perfect - he loved me, I loved him. We enjoyed so much together as a team - couldnt get enough of each other blah blah blah. Shared everything together.We had some truly gorgeous times abroad often. Man 2 was someone I wouldnt give the time of day for. He was gross, sick to the stomach - you can leave him in a second and forget him. Bad. Rubbish. Not worth a minute`s thought. I left HIM and I dont think of HIM much. But I had no reason to leave Man 1 - he was my dream. Very hard to forget him and thats why hes always there. I really am thinking of going to a hypnotist to ask him if he could erase the last 3 years of this man from my mind. I wonder if it would work? I might set about it after christmas as I want rid of this last thing. It doesnt affect me emotionally as Im dead there but wherever I am, whatever Im doing hes there all the time. With any other experiences Ive had in life even a close bereavement - the feelings heal over time and the memory fades but these thoughts are there exactly the same level as when I left 4 months ago now. Youre right another way of looking at it is to say its an insecurity in me and I must face it. And as Ellen brought it home, you`re right too, I have to keep remembering the destructive, sick, evil side which actually HASNT WON WITH ME. Looking at it this way, no, evil hasnt conquered where Im concerned and the good in me! NICE THOUGHT. I am filled with love, happiness, kindness and am flourishing stronger and stronger with this inner warm feeling which willl win in the end, I hope. Lovely to hear from you. Glad you are good too.xxxxxxxxx
Dec 19 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks nolongerafixer- I

thanks nolongerafixer- I talked to a friend last nite and I told them how my therapist thought narc had a personality disorder...friend says SEE didnt I tell ya he wasnt right in the head. I then told him how Narc is telling everyone he can that I showed up there with some man to harm him. Friend says oh destiny..that is not right.. OMG. Friend has known me for Years. Friend wants me to be happy...after last nites conversation I understand this friend a lot more. Seems they werent 'letting me down' as I thought...they just are super busy and being pulled in all directions (i get this now because I see this with my own brother) Nolongerafixer- I like how you are reaching out and being bold- Im going to start doing that and in some way have started to...I contacted another old friend via email..and hopefully will reconnect- the email was light and friendly..the conversation on the phone with my other friend was normal. I explained the best i could to the friend on the phone that I have some triggers from the Narc..my head just isnt right some of the time...my perception is off and I am very far from being myself. Friend said they would love nothing more than to sit with me every nite and talk, but they really are often pulled in too many directions...it is nothing against me...it is just their life. I live far enough from Narc that I dont have to ever see him, so that is one thing I am thankful for(he dates long distance mostly) and now I know why. The memories are tough- this time last year he was telling me we were working on things...but was starting to talk to the OW, but we were always in contact. I gave up so much for him...stood by him..and this is what I get in the end. Treated no different than those that really did harm to him. He had the nerve to say the last time we talked that him being in my life always causes me hurt and he doesnt mean for it to. (yea right narc) It snowed here today- and I will try my best to enjoy it...days like this I would text him and joke about the snow and he would say he wished he was there with me watching it snow (more lies, as we never did watch a storm together, and I doubt he watched one with anyone) He isnt that type of man..it is just a facade. Fake!!!! I feel like I am moments away from my life really clicking into place again- I just have to figure out how to make that work. In a very big way my life is way better than his...i am real. I hope for the day that I will no longer think of him...friend last nite reminded me of some guys in the past he said Narc will become like them too...he mentioned a few of them and some I had forgotten all about. I realize i probably will never forget Narc- but hope one day soon the pain will be much less. The betrayed feeling will be less. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Dec 20 - 10AM (Reply to #11)
nolongerafixer
nolongerafixer's picture

destiny

Thanks for getting back. Im glad you had a talk with your friend. No one understands unless they have been through this themselves. Ive mentioned in a posting before, if Ive had the chance to start to explain to someone who hasnt been through it, I feel as though im having an outerbody experience as it all sounds too mad and far fetched. How do you explain to normal people all the horrific things you put up with? It doesnt sound right. And if you dont try to explain to your closest friends they will assume it is a normal breakup (where you should get on with it) when you and I know its NOT NORMAL as our brain`s normal functioning has been affected and suffering from cognitive dissonance as you have been in close proximity to `good` and `bad`, two very different contradictory affects alongside each other over a period of time. Therefore you do need to explain more in depth and say you need help in getting over it. And yes of course they have their own lives and stresses but if theyre your mates and you dont over do one at any time you should get the support you need. I only want friends in my life now who are my friends and know where im coming from and understand me (and obviously they`d get my loyalty and friendship in return). If they dont then I will get rid. I dont want hinderences. I need to progress out of this nightmare of evil and so I want to be surrounded with good intentions. For 3 years he`d completely taken over my life. In the first year friends were dropping out simply because they didnt like him and what he was changing me into. I couldnt see it. I thought they were jealous. I kind of let them go, for him. I have since apologised profusely to them and agreed they were right, me learning the very hard way and vowed I would never treat them same way again. I almost begged forgiveness as I wanted back in and knew id done wrong. Any man I date in the future who may be a potential, I am introducing him straight away to my close friends and if they all get on- great - if they dont like him for some reason, then there`ll be a good reason. Thats how I value their help with me so far. Ive lost two old friends for good as they are not responding - they probably still dont really understand what happened to me and its my very good friends ive got back so its good. With new people I meet - if we really seem to get on, I just explain that ive been in a very bad jekyle and hyde,possessive husband\wifey relationship for 3 years where I ended up losing a lot of myself. Im now starting up a whole new life again and need to increase my circles being single again, it would be lovely if we could exchange numbers and if they are out and about check me out to join. As I said some do take it a bit pushy but Ive added two this week! One scenario this Friday night at a xmas do I was invited to- got chatting about the do and who we knew at the do. she remarked on how she liked my dress and I returned her a compliment. We then got on to talking about things we had in common like places we go. I then thought it was my cue to ask if she was married/in a relationship then that conversation lead to my Dr. J/H story limited version as above. It was either going to frighten her off or shed understand. This one understood! Her sister had been married to one for 15 years but didnt seem as cconfident as me so soon and hers was over a year ago. I wrote this site down for her and gave her some advice. She then said shed be happy to exchange numbers and her friend was having a small prexmas get together the next night if id like to come. Yep...................as actually I didnt have anything planned for this Saturday and there I met someone else who am having lunch with after xmas! The new Friday night friend has already text me today to tell me something funny that happened at the party. And so on we go............................ Make yourself look good. Be confident and make it happen. Dont worry about those that dont bite and whatever they think of you. Yep those memories suck....................read what Ellen and Cynthia wrote to me above and my replies. May help you too. Yeah...............giving sooooo much to the relationship - soooooo fruitless. Not knowing anything about narcs at first and thinking you are in a normal relationship you go ahead doing your share of `building those bricks` to form a good, solid, close relationship. Even with the sex, as you get more an more intimate you think its bonding you into a close impenatratable couple. NOT SO.. They dont think of the past nor the future- only today and what they can get out of it. So absolutely no appreciation there. Somedays it seemed as if I was supposed to feel honoured I was the chosen one to stand by his side!!!!! Like you, I stood by his side in numerous devastating happenings through thick and thin. As we now know narcs have a habit of being surrounded by devastating happenings. And in my world being a peaceful world I very rarely needed support as things went smoothly but on the occasions I did need it - he was definately not there and as the attention was off him he would inevitably make matters worse by adding carniage. So much hard work for absolutely nothing. Like me, you have to replace fake man in your head with the real man who actually gave you nothing and took everything. The fake man was only there to entice you to stay. Read my story and see what fake man gave me then see how I had to pay for it! As I mentioned to Cynthia, I look at it now that I was dating two men. Man 1 is the man I loved and was happy with. Man 2 I hated and can easily leave and forget. Man 1 I cant forget because I had no reason to leave him. Thats why he is still on a pedastel in my mind but he is not real. He is a fantasy man that happened to be real for a while. Everyones dream man to be with. Hes had years of knowing the right buttons to press in a woman. A dream we lived with disasterous consequences for living that dream. We must now get in touch with reality and move on from something that isnt real. Am still working on this myself so we will do it together!
Dec 20 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

we dated two different people

Truly how sick is that to be with someone who is a fraud and fake, we WERE with two different men, one sick, the other the dream. After being exposed to such utter mental disturbance no wonder we are left in a coma state, duel personalities is what they have, and nobody will ever truly know who they really are because They dont even know who they are they belong in a mental institution even though they are not classified as mentally ill, gee thats strange when they turn us mentally unhealthy from their exposure, what gives with that. They are the plague, the kill everything they come close to. I truly hope they self destruct like so many have said.
Dec 20 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

nolongerafixer

You describe exactly how it was for me to try to explain to my friend. There was one point the friend said hold on Im not sure I am following you exactly....it was at that point I realized just how crazy the whole thing sounded. The emails, texts, hang ups back and forth stuff. I condensed it and basically said that i was brainwashed, abused, made to think the X was my bestfriend, manipulated in the worst way possible and now being smeared to whoever will listen. It still is next to impossible for this friend to truly get it...and I know that now(thru some healing) I realize now what I did not realize two months ago, friend cant understand and even though this friend told me the guy had some kind of mental disorder..he still will never understand. I am glad you are reaching out to people...It is tough for me as I am homebound a lot(the perfect N target) I had a dream about Narc last nite...i hate it. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Dec 20 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
nolongerafixer
nolongerafixer's picture

destiny

Weird. I have never ever dreamed about my narc but last night I did. He was calling me at work and asking what time id finish and telling me he was on his way home and couldnt wait to see me - just like he used to. Then I was with him. I could feel him as though he were truly there and I could smell him. I heard him say in a very clear deep voice "I cant be without you babe - you`re my life". Just as he always did(and which obviously meant nothing as with the flip of the coin he could be laying into me for no real reason). I also remember feeling that feeling I had when I was with him - a sense of happiness being by his side cos I so loved him but my mind full of contradictory thoughts i.e. trust/mistrust, is he\isnt he, did he\didnt he, lie\not lie etc etc. It was so vivid. Very spooky. I woke up wondering if it were a sign. Hopefully hes committed suicide and his spirit came to visit me before he crossed over! whoooops I dont think I should be saying that sort of thing!!!! How nasty am I??????
Dec 20 - 1PM (Reply to #14)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

nolongerafixer

Hi nolongerafixer, Your exN sounds like a manipulative charmer. You describe it so well. I reckon he is like my exN which is why i keep relating to what you say about him.
Dec 19 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Nolongerafixer

Unlike your friend, I do believe in God & what he is capable of doing. Besides, the fancy car & clothes are all material things. They mean nothing! In time, they lose its newness & then whats left? Your exN will still just be a shell of a man cos no woman or worldly possessions can feel the VOID that these men are trying to fill. I don't know about you but I would rather die believing in God & finding out he didn't exist than to die not believing to find out he does! My faith is what has gotten me thru these hard times. I used to be jealous of new gf, now i just pity her as i know her life will never be the same!
Dec 20 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
nolongerafixer
nolongerafixer's picture

TexN

Thanks for your response. What you say is right. It`s true, the fancy car is a material thing and if you haven`t got inner happiness then it will still not satisfy. And you`re right when you say the newness of material things soon lose the novelty and will not fill the void he has. Looking at it now at a different angle after all your posts and yours on the God issue, I AM the lucky one as it could be quite possible God is helping me with this newfound inner strength, confidence, happiness and feeling of love ive acquired enabling me to progress further. Everything feels good around me after 3 years of a lot of very, very bad karma. Whatever happiness hes feeling at mo with gf wont last very long when she does get wind of his constant lies, deceiptfulness, short slow insiduous discarding techniques , all consuming attention etc etc etc all the Ns/sociapathic traits. His life is a repetitive cyle which goes round and round. Nothing to be envious of there. Thanks
Dec 18 - 5PM
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Destiny

I DO know exactly how you feel... so angry about his life. I did the exact same thing. I wrote a very similar post to yours a few months ago. HOWEVER mama you have to make a decision.... either you are going to focus on the happenings of his life or yours. It is truly a decision you have to make. You have to truly obsorb what pathology is; what it REALLY means. How there is no changing and their level of superficial existence (although it seems cool on the exterior) would be meaningless for a deep loving person like yourself. He is merely living a lie............. You know the truth and hence do not belong in his delusional world anymore. Mine is an owner of a company that I'm sure many of you use his products. I was JEALOUS and angry (i mean- you have read my post)... however after my retreat I finally GOT it on an emotional level what pathology was about. I knew pathology from an intellectual level... hell I can recite the DSM to ya with no problem, given that I have a PH.D. It wasn't until I got it on an emotional level... and realized that my focus has to be either on HIM or on ME... however for healing not to be stagnant I couldn't have my foot in both camps. I chose me. F HIM!!!! I no longer care who he is with and that his business is booming. You shouldn't care that young women are looking up to him and trusting him.. it is his con and you can't stop it. This is his way of survival. He NEEDS that attention and admiration to run his system.. otherwise it falls apart. Luckily you and I and the other women here don't operate on such a primative screwed up level. Destiny... it is either you or him.... choose a side. I hope you choose YOU and ignore ANYTHING about his life. Unless the two of you have children... he can disappear from your life basically... gone forever. You are too deep, loving and wonderful for a man who lives an immoral lie. hugs and kisses, Jess
Dec 18 - 6AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

destiny

That plainly means his charisma and bullsh** factors are very high. There is nothing ~ no substance, nothing real to back it up. He doesn't really care about these people, he's in it for the feeding of his own ego. My ex had a lot of attractive qualities like this, he liked to come to the rescue of people in need. But, it's part of the narcissist's need to boost their image and have people admire them. Keep in mind that EVERYTHING they do has selfish purposes.
Dec 18 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Destiny

I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I know it feels like he's got the world by the tail right now, but you also know that is how he works. He has to get supply somewhere. And where better to get that than from people who need help? Like Quietude said, he doesn't care about these people and they will figure it out that he is only there to promote himself, and not for the reason he should be doing it, to help and support others. They will figure out that he just likes to hear himself talk, so to speak, and that he's full of hot air.
Dec 18 - 4AM
Sinead
Sinead's picture

It's common

To put himself in a position of power of the needy, the never ending supply of gratification, people dependent upon him, probably a fast turnover of people too, but he will be found out in the end, they never have it all, the lack the most important thing in life, happiness and respect!
Dec 18 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I have an appt to get to ,

I have an appt to get to , but this really does suck... now I know why he stopped contacting me. he has huge supply now...all young women running to him , flocking around him. Preying on the sick. And also why he cant risk having me in his life. I will try to focus on other things today...but this is sort of a kick to the stomach to all of us that do so much to help others. and here I sit left by him with no care about me in the world. None. when we were together he said it was a power struggle between him and another woman to take over if the leader stepped down...so I guess he won. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Dec 18 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

Yes, he's got it all. All

Yes, he's got it all. All the PATHOLOGY! You get to break free and start a new clean life. YOU have it all! Not him! He is a fake. Who cares who knows it? The main thing is that YOU know it! Take care of you!