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Why do Narcs make 180 degree turns over night?

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#1 Jun 28 - 10PM
ifinallygotit
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Why do Narcs make 180 degree turns over night?

My Narc could and just recently did make a 180 degree emotional turn over night. How and why do they do this? Is it fear of being unmasked or being repulsed by intimacy? When my Narc was recently in town visiting his first few calls to me were all insanely happy and lovey dovey (like no abandonment had ever happened) when he was trying to get me to see him. When I finally agreed to see him, and he paid to change his plane ticket to see me, he freaked out the next day and called me with a very cold voice asking when I wanted him to return my things. I think he was afraid of the reality of seeing me (game over) not knowing what kind of reaction he would get from me after his bad behavior. A few hours later, he flipped 180 the other way again and was all smiles when he met with me...I guess he got a grip.
I just read Helldwellers story and feel so bad that this guy just did a 180 on her...are these just unstable weak people?? I have always known whether I loved someone or not. Why are they so freaking confused about it?

Jun 29 - 7AM
dudette
dudette's picture

wedding plans and devaluation in the same conversation

I got exactly that... Try to explin it? no don't bother... They make no sense to the rest of us
Jun 29 - 6AM
Hunter
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Why

Good question! He's nuts, professionals can't figure it out, don't waste your time on crazy, why? Because crazy will drive you crazy! Hunter
Jun 29 - 5AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

CharlieSheenWinning could do

CharlieSheenWinning could do an emotional 180 within seconds. Until I found this board, I thought he was bipolar. Well. . . actually the jury is still out on the bipolar. Definitely a narc, probably also bipolar. Also alcoholic. WINNING! I told him he gave me emotional whiplash.
Jun 29 - 12AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

They're not confused

They're disordered BIG difference. Confused means there are feelings conflicted. IN this case a Narc can't attach, cannot love, do not bond...they are emotional robots...so he's not confused he's emotionally so thwarted there is no connect. Hugs!
Jun 28 - 11PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Empath....Bravo

Hi there perfectly stated, Empath...indeed! they mimic no love to be found....they are not wired for love give up the ghost, the sooner the better be blessed\ K
Jun 28 - 11PM
empath
empath's picture

Why are they so confused? They're not!

They're not confused...they know they are not in love, they have never been in love, they are not capable of love. You are projecting your own emotions onto someone who does not have emotions. They're not the ones that are confused...they do what they do not because they are in love, they are never in love...they do what they do for NS and nothing more. We're the ones that wind up confused...cognitive dissonance is the price we pay when their actions don't match up to their words. Want to get rid of the cognitive dissonance? Believe the actions, not the words. (((hugs)))
Jun 29 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
heritage
heritage's picture

empath like it

Like you statement about CD and to believe their actions, not their words to rid yourself of CD. I always said to him "Your actions don't meet your words." He blew up whenever I said that to him. And when I brought up things he promised me or said to me he would scream "I hate when you throw my words up in my face!" He acted like a 2 year old. But his actions and lack of them said it all. They never met his words. He professed his love but then treats me like dirt. I told him "You treat me like dirt." He would walk away. The judge in his divorce trial told him he is emotionally retarded. The CD wreaks havoc on the brain and I am so glad I am done being twisted!
Jun 29 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
badjer
badjer's picture

Yep, yep yep. Mine was like

Yep, yep yep. Mine was like that. He would say all this intellectual stuff and say he loved me with all his heart....but then boom, 180 overnight. Hot cold up down. They are emotional cowards and 2 year olds. Mine professed to have missed me like crazy when we "reunited" and that he had "missed me so much", how we were 90% amazing and was all for giving it another go. 11 days passed, I was not the way I had been - far more wary and reserved - and BINGO. 2nd date, out came the old shit I knew, negative and whining about how HE couldn't go through the pain again. 11 days after that he dumped me. Either he never meant it, or it was all a game, or he just got shit scared because he knew his character and knew I wouldn't take his shit any more. Either way - no consistency. Emotional whiplash is the best description yet! :) XXXXXXXX
Jun 29 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Mine used the word "reuniting" too

Weird. After the final D&D, I kept trying to figure it all out too did he love me, was it a game, was it bc I was onto him, did I push too hard? I still do sometimes, knowing all I know, and it frustrates me. I hate that he hurt my mind like this. That is truly the sad part, the fact that they leave so much damage to our mind and soul. When mine left me at his "house" after our breakup, (more like his hole, a very cold place indeed), he said, "Don't destroy anything." I was shocked and said, "What? What kind of women have you known?" He later said, "I've been with crazy stalker women before," insinuating I was one. I have never stalked, chased or pursued any man nor become destructive. My response was, "Yeh, it's you, what YOU DO." Haha, I was so onto his sh*t in the end. Obviously, he was really revealing a key piece of information here, that HE HAS DONE THIS BEFORE. Why else were these women so hurt and pissed? Wow, didn't mean to vent. I agree, emotional whiplash is spot on!
Jun 29 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The slow cooker

For the exception of the time I broke NC in '03, I have NOT spoken in anger&hurt. The last time I broke NC in '09 (yes, there were SIX YEARS of silence), it was to MOCK the ex-Psych prof. I was VERY calculating. Almost coldly so. I cloaked my words in niceness... it was cognitive dissonance, wishing him well&happiness, success in his personal&professional life... after mockingly comparing him to a toddler. It was passive aggression at its finest, because a casual reader would've found my words full of NICE. The ex-P would accuse me of "lashing out in anger" when he mocked me in class after my grandfather died. During the final D&D, he made me come across as the crazy stalker as he moved his seminar from one classroom to another after I declared my love. I didn't become furious&destructive. He had been going around claiming I made unwanted sexual advances on him. Of course, his lies fell apart when HE was the one who'd pursue me, saying "Did you learn your lesson?" and reducing me to tears publicly. After the final D&D, he was BEGGING me for my home address/new phone number (I wouldn't disclose them, but I did dangle them, promising him to tell him, but NEVER following through) and AFTER I had met his live-in girlfriend(!!!) I think what creeps the ex-P out is that I DON'T speak in anger&pain (what he feeds off of)... it's as if my gentleness conceals a far more sinister, crazy-making agenda. It's like ancient Rome, where Nero would give his enemies sweet wine... that turned out to be full of poison. He tended to fear my niceness more than my anger.Because he liked anger&hurt! He LIKED seeing me hurt&pissed!
Jun 29 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Yes, they like seeing us angry and hurt

Makes them feel powerful and desired. Yep, NS. I left in complete silence, not a word. It probably shocked him.
Jun 29 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

It's the nice ones...

You have to watch out for! The ex-Psych prof wanted me to be angry&raging at his girlfriend... DIDN'T happen.... and I taunted him for it. I strode around, cockily saying, "I KNOW you want your girlfriend and I to be at the mud wrestling pits, fighting over you... it turns some guys on... NOT gonna happen." So here I was, dangling NS, and chuckling as I told him I would NOT give THAT desired fight to him. The ex-Psych prof probably thinks I'm like Judas. Give a nice sweet kiss... then the soldiers haul him off, and I get my 30 pieces of silver (he's not worth THAT much) I KNOW he hates music... too bad he doesn't have an iTunes account so he'd get Lady GaGa's "Judas." Seeing me angry&hurt made him feel powerful&desired... but seeing me happy&nice... that SCARED him. Because it might have a hidden agenda(?) You know, like old-fashioned crazy-making?