Why do I want him to call?

I am feeling down this morning. I guess I was hoping he would contact me. I mean, I am not going to contact him. But this is how it works. He will turn my nc into me sulking or a reason to accuse me of something and there will be a breakup. I felt strong yesterday. Maybe it was because of the comments I received that helped me realize this is his problem and it has nothing to do with what I anything I have done. And that's just it. I have done nothing but love and be good to him. Yes, I know, too good. And I do believe that can happen. But it just happens. You go overboard trying to prove to him or show him who you really are. The truth is, he knows. He knows I am good. He knows I am loyal and faithful. And what upsets me is I have literally torn myself up trying to prove it. Ugh! It's exhausting. Does he know? I mean, does he know I love him? I'm loyal and faithful?