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Why do I still think of him!?

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#1 Aug 19 - 1AM
lostlove458
lostlove458's picture

Why do I still think of him!?

Hello everyone! I haven't been on in a few weeks because I thought that I was doing better! I live life the best way I know how, but last Saturday night thoughts and feelings came to mind! Of course after two margaritas! I am not a drinker and let's just say two margaritas had me thinking of the love that I had or still deep down have for Narc! My one year discard date is right around the corner and this no closure is no bueno! I found myself thinking of why he is making it work with the ow! I happened to see a pic on a friends FB and I have to admit he looks happy with the ow! I am starting to think that I just wasn't the one for him and I was a stepping stone for almost five years and he didn't hug me or go out with me as much as he does with ow! I don't want to compare myself to her but it's hard not to because he is still with her?! He didn't even look back and is living his life with her and I am starting to find it in my heart to forgive him and finally let GO! I pray everyday that god hears my prayers, I know the best revenge is to life well but Why her and not me!

Aug 19 - 10AM
ewa
ewa's picture

.

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Aug 19 - 10AM
ewa
ewa's picture

You probably did not accept

You probably did not accept the situation as it is. Once we accept it, it is much better. I have come to the point where i do not regret my relationship with my exN. I am happy that i had it. It helped me to understand that i need to change myself (not because i have done something wrong in this relationship, but because i was so long in this relationship). I still think of my exN, even doh it has been more than 1,5 year since our break up, I still miss him a bit etc. But this feels different than before, I am not sad because of it anymore. Why? Because I have accepted that he is a N, and i have accepted that he will not change, and we will never be together again. I have accepted that he is in new relationship too. In fact i wish him all the best. Everything happens for the reason. It is important that we can take the lesson from it and that we will not do the same mistake again. If we just do our best to love ourselves more and to respect ourselves more so it won't happen again. The relationship is not about struggling every day and fighting everyday for it to last. We all want happy life and real love. I still did not find my real love but i believe there is one waiting for me. And there is one waiting for you too. So dont worry dear, fight for yourself! OW won't be any happier with him that you were, but it should not be your concern now.
Aug 19 - 10AM
ewa
ewa's picture

You probably did not accept

You probably did not accept the situation as it is. Once we accept it, it is much better. I have come to the point where i do not regret my relationship with my exN. I am happy that i had it. It helped me to understand that i need to change myself (not because i have done something wrong in this relationship, but because i was so long in this relationship). I still think of my exN, even doh it has been more than 1,5 year since our break up, I still miss him a bit etc. But this feels different than before, I am not sad because of it anymore. Why? Because I have accepted that he is a N, and i have accepted that he will not change, and we will never be together again. I have accepted that he is in new relationship too. In fact i wish him all the best. Everything happens for the reason. It is important that we can take the lesson from it and that we will not do the same mistake again. If we just do our best to love ourselves more and to respect ourselves more so it won't happen again. The relationship is not about struggling every day and fighting everyday for it to last. We all want happy life and real love. I still did not find my real love but i believe there is one waiting for me. And there is one waiting for you too. So dont worry dear, fight for yourself! OW won't be any happier with him that you were, but it should not be your concern now.
Aug 19 - 3AM
freaked
freaked's picture

Forget YES; Forgive NO

lostlove458 we are not permitted to forgive Satan and his henchmen. If you are able to move on...then thank God...but do not forgive that AH. We are allowed to Forget them...but never Forgive them. If we Forgive such Evil Incarnates...we accumulate a strange bad Karma. We are supposed to make a knotted bundle from and old clothes belonging to the Evil Incarnate.. and spit on it and drop it into a gutter. Ancient mystical beliefs from the East.. Also we must repeatedly read this post by Steph: http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/07/18/forgiveness
Aug 19 - 1AM
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

Dear lostlove

Simple - she's not as lucky as you!
Aug 19 - 3AM (Reply to #2)
freaked
freaked's picture

Dysfunctional and thereafter

I like what ordinarycourage said. wow!! love that point of view..must try to incorporate that into my own damaged head. OW still hasn't experienced his psychopathy...wonder when he has planned do her the Honors??? or will she be very Lucky and be forever the apple of his eye?? yeah.. i too am very frequently plagued with envy, jealousy, grief, sorrow...at least 17 hours daily. WILL I EVER HEAL i am wondering... will i ever be able to stop envying others??? The OW..the NH...all other people in my area who have functional families.... I seem to be the One and Only One in miles around to have gotten a Dysfunctional husband.... I have a special gratitude to that word 'Dysfuntional'... it was the first word i typed into google search bar 5 months ago... and one site led to another and another and another...and Pandora's Box lay open suddenly.. Dysfunctional husband...were my precise first keywords on this trail