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Why do I always get scissors when he gets rock

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#1 Mar 10 - 11AM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Why do I always get scissors when he gets rock

I saw the narc today..he was walking with a friend in school..i saw him from far so I preped myself to not look pkus I had on shades so it made it easier..i felt him watching me but didnt look up to check..

Why do I want him to say something to me? I wanted him to say something so bad bu rf he didnt..something like a ordinary guy would..some verbal attention I wanted..but didnt get..

What I got was a feeling of him watching like I know all about him..a sort of "This.one knows" feeling and blank face...

Its like he was a alien and know one knew but me..and I must be destroyed or ignored because of it..

I felt like I wanted him back..

Why is it so hard..why am I traumabond..why do I want to be thar special girl that he wants and would desire or love..

Why do I want to fix a narc..

Mar 10 - 7PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Ideal no not at all..i use to

Ideal no not at all..i use to over credit myself..since I was with him I learned to be more human..more normal..i had some narc moments in my ownlife where I felt more superior than people. Im also a person who places people on a pedistle above me especially when in a relationship or someone close..a bit of a contradiction but ..that was me..i feel like I change..i have turn down the I am better than you buttin and just became normal..that relationship buried my pride..i beleive partly in a good way where I realize im not better than you..and I never was..im not the best and probably never was..im at the point where im confused if he helped my ego or terminally damaged it permanintly..i nolonger walk with my nose in the air..

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Mar 10 - 12PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Hes forbidden

Its like hes the forbidden fruit .. That I want so bad but cant touch or have even look at is dangerous..he looked so good today he was glowing..im on a narc diet and he looks like melting lava cake right now..why God why must he be forbidden I ask..but just like the ripe suckulant jucy red apple that eve nor adam couldnt touch..i have to be strong..stronger than eve who became weak...i literally cannot eat him indulge in his fantastic looks..big brown eyes ..tall 6'4frame..slim build and just pure sexy..uh wouldnt his narc ass love to hear that discription about him. Am I wrong to say I want him? Because I do..i love him..and its like I have to do everything possible to ignore and forget he ever exhisted..i have to brainwash my brain wash.. Hardest thing I have ever done..stop loving..who can hust stop loving someone..not me...

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Mar 10 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Great! He looks hot! My guy

Great! He looks hot! My guy was smoking hot 20 yrs ago! You should see him now! Yuck! Ok he's hot, what other good qualities does he have?? I'm guessing not many! Idealk
Mar 10 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Your right..the mask had

Your right..the mask had great qualities..he n/a ..i think its just seeing him got me turned out right now..i was hoping he would be looking miserable..not like a super model..it urks

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Mar 10 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Strong

I doubt you looked like Ugly Betty! Give yourself some credit!! Geeze!! Idealk
Mar 10 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Is it a full moon? I had a

Is it a full moon? I had a tear in my eye today, why? I thought how could this person I'm so in love with be so sick! Most illness have a cure, pop a pill, done, fixed, not this, We must grin and bare it! This is not an Ideal disorder! Idealk
Mar 10 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Wow, prettypeeved...

...believe it or not your post uplifted me. I love how you point out that "this is only a small echo of what I used to feel..." That is very poignant and also encouraging. I can hear the echo off in the distance, but the thunder is still too close for comfort. Thank you for sharing this and I am so pleased that you have come so far. I am striving to get there. sincerely (slowing down a bit from) spinning

spinning

Mar 10 - 11AM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

I know the feeling. Looks

I know the feeling. Looks like Narc Boy has briefly been on the website we both go on, but this time he hasn't tried hoovering, or if he has I haven't noticed. And yet I actually feel a little disappointed. It's mad. He quite clearly only tried it last time when his ex told him to get lost, I was just the next most obvious source of supply and quite clearly he was just trying to use me. So why should I care? I wish I didn't. It's only a small echo of the feelings I used to have, but I wish it would go away.