why am i suddenly regretting throwing him out? help im so down

He will do anything to keep his narcissistic supply. He has already discarded you. You are no longer adoring him. While he knows he has N.S. with you, it's negative. You sort of have his number and you are a reminder to him on what he doesn't do for you; he looks at you as a cartoon character because you show emotions. He discarded you for this woman. She, more than likely is giving him ultimatums (which is very revealing). Once the ultimatums come and he takes it for face value, he will dance through hoops to keep it together, and so the game continues. Once it cools down, he will be back making sure he has you in the wings as well. This has nothing to do with LOVE. It has to do with Narcissistic Supply and control. Once she starts crying and revealing her vulnerability, he will take the control back and start discarding her by devaluing, demeaning, humiliating, and punishing. Like you, before she's even aware of it because of all his apologies and promises, she is sucked back into the vampire's web.

I'm really so sorry that its a bad day for you today. There will be ups and downs, but eventually there will be more ups than downs. Its only been 5 months. A 20+ year marrialge just doesn't cease to exist overnite, even if it was a sham to him. I want you to ask yourself a question, one that may help you stop obsessing about this OW. What do you think she has that would make him suddenly change his cheating ways.....that you haven't got? When you think about it objectively, it doesn't make sense to think it could be any different for her. What supposed superpower does she have that you havent? NONE. If she did, then it wouldnt have taken her 7 years to get him. And she didn't "win" him. You threw out the trash and she went dumpster diving! That's how I had to look at it with my exN and the OW he dumped me at the altar for. I had to think, "ok then ho-bag, if you really want my scraps, then go for it, enjoy!" They are not "building a life" together. Theyre "playing house", acting in a theatre production, etc. They are not getting closer. N's don't get close. They just fuck you. You already know that. When an N says things like, Oh honey I'm sorry I was stupid, I love you and miss you, I should never have, Blah Blah....They really mean- Oh man, God saw fit to give me a great SUPPLY source, and I was stupid and fucked it up and she's such great long term SUPPLY, it will take me forever to find another SUPPLY as good as her...I have other SUPPLY, but that ones too much trouble to keep up with forever....I need my consistent SUPPLY, Whaaaah! See where this is going? He is moody because they get on a high when supply is good, and a low when they feel they are running low on it. You kicked him out, thus removing a good deal of his supply. Things are starting to suck over at his place, becaus supply is probably dwindling fast. Therefor, he is depressed and moody. Because you didn't know what narcisscm was until recently, you didn't have a clue as to what the root cause of his moodiness was. Now you know. low supply. During those times he probably was having trouble with his mistresses, you see? Believe me, there ain't no happiness over there, just ego stroking and fairytale pretend time. If he looks happy, he's lying, its what they do constantly. She is lying to you and the whole world to save face. Really, do you think someone who would stalk, tease, harrass, and inflict such cruelty on a perfect stranger could possibly make someone else stay for long? Do you think she could somehow be that kind of a person to you, and a different, better type of person for him? No. Either your'e an asshole or your'e not. Believe me, there are certain people in my life I fantasize about doing horrible things to because I feel they derserve it, but that's not in me to do. I can understand how you feel, though. I was under the delusion that the OW my exN left me for was "the one." But she wasn't. She hooked up with the N because she was punishing HER OWN HUSBAND for not making her happy. It lasted about 4 months for them. I doubt she even cares for him all that much, if she had to think about it. It sounds like a control issue for her, because she is a very sick and insecure person herself. She may "have him" now, but she isnt very pleased with what she got, I garantee you. You just have to get it into your head that people who behave this way do not lead happy productive lives or have lasting relationships. Once you get the idea that their lives look completely different from the inside, then you will be able to move on better. I could tell you to stop obsessing about this, but obviously this is a BIG stumbling block for you and wont go away until you get this concept. I wish there was a N deprogramming handbook, but there isn't. So I can tell this is going to be a difficult process for you.