where in the world is grossot???

Where are you sweetheart? I'm a bit worried. CM

Barbara's picture

I wish I knew exactly what to say. This past summer my children's old therapist (for 3 years) turned ME into CPS because I didn't agree with her about something. The report she gave CPS was so outrageous and unreal and I am in the process of reporting her. She sexualized and revised history and said things about me AND exNH that were totally off the wall. You keep doing what YOU feel is right for YOUR CHILD. You're her mother and as a mother myself I'd feel the same way. You're gut is screaming something is wrong. Sit down with your attorney and tell him this whole thing is driving you crazy but you can't allow your daughter to be put through this - and you still have bad feelings about her being with your STBX. Make it clear it's not personal - it's things that went on when you were still with him and as a mother you feel you need to do everything to protect your child. With many of the women I met volunteering at a DV center - the judges constantly gave shared custody to psychopaths & narcs. Of course the child suffered and the mother had to GO BACK to court, ask for SUPERVISED VISITATION and eventually the pathological partner gave up because, of course, they don't want to be watched. As for the forensic examiners, no matter how nice they may seem - there's huge pressure in child examiners to be watchful for sexual abuse. Any little thing. Some of these examiners start sexualizing everything they see. Just make it clear that: It may not have been that STBX raped her but the behavior was inappropriate enough to you that he VIOLATED HER BOUNDARIES as a growing child. Hang in there - I really empathize with you and am sending you as much energy & support as I can. Here's a blog I read from time to time which might be of interest to you: http://disgustedwiththesystem.blogspot.com/ on the right margin down aways is a list of links for Divorcing an Narc or BPD... Hug ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
grossot's picture

things have gone very bad. On April 6, I took my daughter in for a forensic interview with a dr. who specialized in sex abuse case, she's an expert in the field. We met at church on Apr. 5 and I told her my story....she wanted to see my daughter right away so I drove her to the clinic the next day. The dr found scar tissue on her posterior forsia,the skin under the hymen. I begged her to tell me my daughter did it herself. She said, "Little girls don't stimulate there, they stimulate the cliterous; she could not have done this." She and her nurses asked my daugher if anyone had ever touched or tickled her there and she said no. The dr. then told me after I asked why she won't say anything, that preditors tell their victims, "you will be in trouble if you say anything; this is a secret; you will be a bad girl if you tell." After children's services informed STBX of the allegations suspected of him, STBX requested a SECOND OPINION. So I had to put my daughter through the exam again. This time, the dr at a different hospital said their was nothing but a prominence at the posterior forsia. NOTHING. I was relieved and confused. Called the first dr. 2 days ago. She said, "I know what I saw, but it is disputable because it's not bleeding, and is still intact. YOu can subpoena me, but it might make you look like you are 'muddying the waters'." Today I had an appointment with my daughter's guardian ad litem. He was very intimidating and basically made me feel that I'm just making accusations because I don't want my STBX to get any custody. Hopefully, he was just pressing me to see if I was lying. I guess I can't really blame him; this sounds like a horror film. Anyway, I answered him the same everytime he asked me the details in a different way to try to catch me in a lie and I told him the details the same everytime. He wants to know how a psychiatric evaluation for all parties involved is in the best interest of my daughter. Can you believe he had to ask that after what I had just told him? Then he said "Are you prepared to pay $3000 for the psychiatrist fee?" I couldn't believe it. I basically told him my daughter's safety is not for sale. But that if money is what he was interested in, I would pay whatever it takes. What the hell do I do? Everyone I go to in order to seek professional counsel passes the buck after I hand the "buck" over. When did my daughter's wellbeing get a price tag? What has this world come to? I'm so incredible stressed. I don't know what to do. The guardian ad litem basically told me everything I was doing was wrong. He said, "If you felt your daughter was unsafe with him, why did you agree on the verbal schedule for the sharing of her?" My answer: "The risk was too great if I did not; if I kept him from her; he would have taken her from the babysitter's and God knows when she'd be safe again. Furthermore, I was told by my attorney I had "no legal grounds to keep her from her father." I see my shrink tuesday. I have my mom and dad and an aunt who's a social worker trying to keep me sane and help me sort out my confussion. Am I crazy? What is wrong with society. The case worker has done jack-shit. Know why? She doesn't work late on Fridays. Oh she did go to my STBX's house wed night when he had my daughter so she could see how they acted together. He had a week's notice before this meeting. I have no idea how it went. I'm her mother. Why the f*** should I know? Oh yea, the guardian ad litem told me "customarily, you would not be allowed to take the child to any appointments without the knowlege of the other parent. Not that I'm justifying what you did, but I can understand why you wouldn't want the possible perpetrator to know about the meetings." help me nolongercontrolled
cassiemay's picture

But glad you are back on site. My thoughts are: 1) yes, talk to your shrink 2) is it possible to request another guardian ad litem since you feel he is disrespectful of your views and concerns? Perhaps your lawyer could demand this. 3) I think the guardian's words are preposturous and may even fly in the face of his role as a "mandatory reporter" for instances of suspected child abuse. 4) I would document word for word everything guardian said and give it to your attorney for evidence in court. 5). You have a Dr.'s opinion that she had possibly been abused, whether by penetration completely or NOT. You have your own experiences of seeing them in the bathtub together. You have your own gut instincts. You would not be doing all this, putting her through this or denying her access to her father if you didn't honestly feel something was very wrong. These, together, especially, are Not Small Matters and I would hope would make some difference taken together. "Why would I want to have sole custody and deny her the relationship with a healthy father?" You wouldn't . So what you are doing says something much more. Hold onto that. You may want to have your attorney decide if supoening the original Dr. may "muddy the waters" or not. That may be her opinion, but it may not be your attorney's. Please hang in there and keep posting. CM
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Oh, dear God, I am speechless. I can't even imagine what you're going through. Someone who is familiar with case workers has to have some advice on how to handle this. These people need to help you immediately. There is no question about that. Please, anyone that knows how to work with these folks, please provide some advice. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers and I will try to see if I can find anything out that may be assistance to you right now. We are all here for you. I hope you know that. Please let us know what we can do to help.
Elena's picture

So sorry you are going through this nightmare. You are not crazy. I just prayed for God to interfere in this situation on your behalf. He understands the "ins" and "outs" of what you are going through, and all the details that you may not have full knowledge of. He understands your feelings and challenges, and He believes in you. I pray that he would work in your favor, and that he would put the right people in your path to help you through the legallities and negotiations in this matter. I also prayed for God to strengthen you and to guide you through this painful process.
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Yes, Grossot - where are you? We're worried about you!