When is the rest of me going to catch up with my brain

23 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 28 - 9AM

chickon2

When is the rest of me going to catch up with my brain

I saw him today.. On my way to work.. His shiny black truck in front of me, while driving to work.

He lives no where near my work.. He does not have to take the Avenue he was on for nothing.. It is the way I go to work...He knows that..( He remembers that, right?)

The new victim must live/work around here..I guess.

Anyway I know he is scummish..

But when I saw him, I could smell him in my head.. I remember the passionate kisses in the truck,, ICK where he is now schmoozing the married chick..

WTF is wrong with me...

I missed him a minute..... ick..

I need intervention...

#2 Nov 1 - 9AM

chickon2

I found out

without snooping (yay me) That the exn invited the married chick, from class to a party that I am going to.. ICK ICK.... I will see him there in a few weeks.. AND yes I will be there with all the girls.. That cannot stand him now... But it will be the first time I really see him face to face.. I know I will just walk by like if nothing.. BUT ick.. AND is he really going to take the married chick out in public like that? blech

#3 Oct 30 - 4PM

chickon2

3 days no snooping...

I am trying.... Saw him Thursday on my ride to work.. Haven't seen him since... Went to the class we used to take on Friday, and the married chick he is schmoozing was not there.. For a few minutes I pictured them together, and him "loving" on her.. Then I got my thoughts together and focused on class.. Went to a Halloween party with the class.. It was fun... Had a few thoughts of him, looked around to make sure he wasn't at the same party.. I have the urge to snoop today.. To see if he has been with her, or if anybody has tagged any pics of him at a party.. BUT I don't want to break NC... I don't want get sucked in by this... I just blech, wish it never happend.... Ok vent over......

#4 Oct 29 - 8AM

chickon2

I didn't snoop

Usually if I see him or something I may snoop.. I didn't.. I didn't want to see any of it.. I am still hurt, over the fact that, he is manic looking for companionship. I didn't see him this morning either.. Which is good.... Lil sad today.... :-)

#5 Oct 29 - 9AM (Reply to #18)

Used

chickon2

Usually if I see him or something I may snoop.. I didn't.. I didn't want to see any of it.. well done on that way of thinking... sorry you are sad today... so i will try to cheer you up by something you said to someone here yesterday... but that resonated with me....i was on a real downer about my exh thinking he was realy good to me sometimes, and yes he was right , i am a difficult woman, and yes i have a temper ...then lo and behold....there was your post to someone saying>>>HE HIT YOU, HE HIT YOU.... and i thought of the day i was ironing and began argueing and he snatched hot iron off me and was trying to hold it to my face, i got out the front door, he caught up with me and in front of all the neighbours was kicking me in the side till i wet my self...one neighbour intervened and said you f..king bully,helped me into her home.......so thankyou for that reality check!!!!...i need them at timesb/c if iwas all the things he said i was. he should have left me shouldnt he? but noway would he leave me...after our last child moved out and married ,i divorced my exh, i know i will still get days like yesterday.... and i hope i will be able to get out of them....thanks

#6 Oct 29 - 9AM (Reply to #19)

chickon2

used

yes you did cheer me up.. You also reminded me how lucky I am.. I only experienced "niceness". To read what you went through, My eyes teard up.. B/c I don't understand it.. It does not register.. I have 8 brothers.. All have been happily married over 20 years.. I have never even heard them raise their voice let alone, a hand. My father and my brothers are those good guys.. AND if they weren't I would have no problem saying it either.. How a man can have you on the ground kicking you, does not enter my comprehension.. I HATE so much you had to endure any of that.. I am in awe of your strength.... AND absolutly you will be able to get out of the "down days" ABSOLUTELY you will.. Every day you your self worth, has improved.. Everyday of NC you gain more "strongs"

#7 Oct 29 - 9AM (Reply to #20)

Used

chickon2

thankyou for that...

#8 Oct 28 - 11AM

staystrong.10.10

just wanna throw a rock at his truck for you!

i just wanna throw a rock at his truck for you chickon! why are they always around?? so annoying! they're like bed bugs (i'm in nyc, huge problem here!), you can't seem to get rid of them and they hurt you without you even knowing!!! ohhhh, PEST CONTROL!!!!! if you can see him, he can totally see you right? what the hell is his problem!?! he knows what he's doing. MMM >:{ hanging there Chickon!!

#9 Oct 28 - 11AM (Reply to #13)

chickon2

stay strong 1010

Mama, I KNEW you were an east coaster like me... Bed bug that he is... ICK I hope he didn't see me, I turned...away from the street.. Triggers usually make me wanna snoop.. BUT i am not going to snoop... I am not going to get hurt by his crap.... THANK you so much lovey....

#10 Oct 28 - 11AM (Reply to #14)

staystrong.10.10

hahaha, how did you know?

hahah, how did you know? yea, nyc rocks! but too many Ns, i'm afraid... yea, you are a bigger person! don't take his sh*t! you've got nothing to hide, you go your own wide/straight roads! unlike him, everything is fake and lies! he's the one who needs to be hidding!! xoxox

#11 Oct 28 - 12PM (Reply to #15)

chickon2

There is an underlying Moxie

There is an underlying Moxie with east coast chicks? I dunno.. :-) ACTORS.. AND I really hate that people think he is AWESOME.... lord have mercy... friggen rosary guy ovah here!

#12 Oct 28 - 4PM (Reply to #16)

staystrong.10.10

word up chickon

word up chickon! they are all actors, but not very creative ones...

#13 Oct 28 - 10AM

Used

chickon2

it will pass but not in the way you think[or this is how i feel]... i think of, or see exh and remember, how we used to cuddle, or how we used to mess about at home making out to be dancing, i think of cuddles in bed ,we slept like spoons together, or how he would kiss me on top of my head, and its hard to explain but tho i remember these things, i can remember them but wouldnt want to do them again, and narc ,it wasent pyshical, but he cuddled me once when we were out.b/c i was having a panic attack[didnt know it was being with him ] and he too would kiss me on the head, but i dont miss that either, and i think the reason is for me... that the bad far out weighed the good...so in away ,the memories are tainted....i remember about 20 years ago looking at my husband and thinking i loved the boy i met[he was 17, i was 15]but i dont like the man he has grown into.... i had never heard of narcissism then.... so i was looking at the other face ,but didnt know it..... i hope this makes sense.....we had some realy good times as well with our kids, but i think of them times now and just see them as false....sorry if this sounds depressing... but thats how i feel about both of them... i am very sorry chickon2 but i am having an incredibly bad day....and i dont want to taint any one else,s good memories....sorry xxxxx used

#14 Oct 28 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

chickon2

Used

You tainted NOTHING for me.. Dear heart.. First of all HUGS you are having a bad day.. AND yes what you are saying does make some sense to me.. Maybe it's because when I was with him it was all "good" We even ended on a good note.. The only reason I know the bad is b/c of my snooping.. NOT b/c he showed me any of it.. I don't know.. AND in all honesty it just could be b/c i miss the physicalness of it all.. What is the matter today? HUGS......

#15 Oct 28 - 10AM (Reply to #10)

Used

chickon2

i am just having a bad one, i cant complain, i have had a couple of good one,s this week,.. i know what has caused it, ive got flu, and so a lot of memories are kicking in....so it just feeling low..... and when the board cant be seen i will tell you... thank you for asking..

#16 Oct 28 - 11AM (Reply to #11)

chickon2

used

Feel better chickie... Pump the Vitamin C, that may help a bit.. I guess all of this stuff just takes lots of time...... Glad you guys are here.. to help the healing along..

#17 Oct 28 - 9AM

jen79

chickon2

When you accept that the one you miss, has died, and left is his evil twin. You need to own your memories, they are yours, and so is your love for him. He just never existed. I was there already, and we will be there soon again! Hugs!

#18 Oct 28 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

blueeyes

chickon2

Awe, you poor thing! I can see the truck being a trigger. Your normal. Block him out, burry him, have a funeral. Listen to a anger releasing song, cry...Let your feelings out. My H always said "YOUR WRONG" when I would share my feelings. I always responded "feelings are feelings and they cannot be wrong because they are mine." He never knew what I meant.

#19 Oct 28 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

chickon2

Blueeyes

Yes that truck is a trigger.. I loved that thing.. ICK AND my kids would get in it and fall asleep in a minute, He and I would always laugh.. He would say, Bebe, it's the tints.. Those tints are most likely to hide his shady shenanigans.. ICK.. Don't feel lie crying really... BUT I may need to try that funeral thing.. I have not dont that.. Thank you, AND I say the same thing to everyone.. FEELINGS are not wrong..... I should know better... THank you for the reminder amiga...

#20 Oct 29 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

blueeyes

Chickon2....

Do you know how many (mind) funerals I did in my head in the last 24 hours? I can't keep count. I did the physical one, and I replay it in my mind. I am trying to get over a death....We all are

#21 Oct 29 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

chickon2

Really blue? that many

Really blue? that many funerals.. Well I am going to get on it.. What better weekend than Halloween weekend, right? bwaahahaha

#22 Oct 29 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

blueeyes

Yup chickon2

I am 48 hrs NC and I have buried him. I have urges of thoughts...Obsessing, scared, happy, sad, mad and disorder. Basically, I mostly want a normal life...Only I can get it...I also had some horrible things happen today. He is scary!

#23 Oct 30 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

chickon2

Blueeyes

What horrible things did you have happen? Are you ok? Is your NC still going strong?

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews