When he's married to mom

Morning All

Have been up for ages and doing my usual, surfing the net for new information and reading the forums for inspiration. And bingo. Found the attached link and can so relate to exactly what I had experienced throughout my entire association with the ex (22 years in total, obviously on and off as is the norm - LOL). I always felt that his relationship with his mother was slightly askew/unhealthy and even brought up the topic of "emotional incense" with ex a years back but, of coure he just flicked it off. These N-women are so into themselves that they project their needs and lack of responsibility onto their sons who consequently have no other alternative but to learn "at their mother's knee" all the ways of a N. And so the cycle continues.

I'm not going to buy the book because quite frankly I am not interested in helping him anymore and just its existence means that I wasn't imagining how I had always felt. It didn't sit easy with me because of course you should love and honour your parent(s) "if you have reason to do so" but also felt that once you reached adulthood you would possess the healthy life skills to know if something was amiss. Maybe naive of me now I have learnt so much more. Unfortunately for ex he had only been taught and exposed to unhealthy skills.

Funnily enough, the reason I finally decided enough was enough last Easter was because after a year from hell, family illnesses and my sister finally dying from breast cancer in February, Xmas break being messed up by his mother etc, etc, we had planned a long overdue and much needed holiday together. My ex decided the day before our departure that he had to take his mother home (6/7 hours round journey) and then be ok the next day for another 5 hour journey to our destination. I had been lead to believe that he would drop her off in London so she could take the coach and it even dropped her at the bottom of her road too for heavens sake. I just so knew that there would be some last minute hitch and some excuse would be forthcoming to delay us (probably at least a migraine). He even suggested that I could share the driving, yes I agreed, but I was still recovering from a major operation on my shoulder and had been involved in a road traffic accident so was anxious about motorway driving too, and then the ultimate D, "it's always about you". Absolutely no way matey, enough of the madness. I refused to go away with him because I just felt so broken down by constantly having to fight for my needs to be taken into consideration or put them on the back burner to facilitate him and his mother's actions/requirments.

Haven't laid eyes on him since or spoken to her either - which is just fine by me. I hope they will both be very happy together. LOL.

Weeks later I did however write him a long email explaining my reasons for what I had done - not accusing or any anger - just letting him know where I was and why. And why did I do that? Because I have a conscience and would never just D&D - I am not like him. I am a mature, caring and responsible individual. My aim was final closure on the whole sorry story of my life with the ex-P.

My life now is lighter and brighter. I still spin between rage and indifference but I know that it's normal and so I try not to beat myself up unnecessarily. But what I do know is that the love and obsession has gone forever.

Please know it hasn't been easy as this was my second time round with this guy and the first time (8 years ago and 5 years apart) was hell on earth but I never healed then as I always thought that there was something missing in me so I gave it another chance. His mother even said "he is back with his soulmate" (like hell, read doormat for him and her). I was more informed this time and so, much stronger.

Hope you can open the link and it helps someone else too.

Dee x

http://www.amazon.com/When-Hes-Married-Mom-ebook/product-reviews/B000P1KPQS