When *friends* betray you...(mutual friends you share with your ex N's)

I have a friend, have told you about her. Mutual friend of ex and me. He defriended her from his FB list. That makes me feel somewhat better, remaining her friend.

But, today...another ''friend'' of ours. He is on my ex N's FB list. I made the grave mistake of lurking on that website today. I have lessened my time doing that, lately, and have not posted on there in 3 days. Progress...but, then, I took a step backwards today. :=(

In reading this one thread, this 'friend' who I have shared a lot with, had the nerve to call my ex...''cool.'' He's glad to know him, and all this other crap.

You're glad to know someone who a few days ago, told me he wouldn't care if I died?

So, I deleted him out of my phone. I will no longer take his calls. And will no longer reply to his texts.

Have any of you had similiar experiences? I'm trying to rid my brain of all this negativity...and it sux when you have to end otherwise good friendships...when you realize, you just can't be friends with someone they are friends with. Sorry, not me.

I feel for him to post that where I could see it...really made me feel sad.

findingmeagain's picture

my ex N doesn't have friends and if he does he sure does act like he doesn't. but word to the wise when it comes to men they stick together. men will be friends till the day they die. so you doing all that won't mean much to that guy. if i was you i would still be friends with him but don't tell him anything but positive things about myself, and limit some contact. i would still be in contact but just not as much. and when i speak with this guy i would always "act happy and cheerful" even if i'm not . so he has nothing bad to go back and tell ex. see you're lucky you got this site to help you i didn't know about this a few months ago and made soooo many mistakes lol smh.
Deidre40's picture

Thanks, findingmeagain. That's good advice...men do stick together. It shocked me at first seeing his post...but, I'm just of the opinion now, that anyone or anything associated with the exN needs to go. Seriously. I can't have this poison in my life. Plus, this man listened to me go on and on about the pain this narc caused, and he turns around and posts that? That he thinks the guy is ''cool?'' hahaha! I don't want anymore two faced ''friends'' in my life anymore. And it seems that most people associated with the ex...are two faced. Just. Like. Him.
michele115's picture

"Good friendship" is subjective I liked the narc by proxy analogy mentioned below. Don't know how "good" a friendship is if someone cannot take a stand. While I get people don't like to get in the middle, in my book a "good friend" will take a stand and pick a side. If you can't stand for something you fall for anything. Quality over quantity is my motto and luckily, I feel that with the few in my corner, I don't have to be paranoid about a knife in my back... The upside to this experience is it opens our minds to really getting to thinking about the extra dead weight surrounding us, and if we are going to move forward what needs to be shed. It might sound cold but if we wish to move forward in the light, we need to be surrounded by it. We are the company we keep. We may have made unwise choices in the past but now that we are aware, it's time to change our approaches or we will just continue with more of the same. Hugs!
Deidre40's picture

This is excellent, michele. Yes...I need to get rid of even ''friendships'' that I made through the narc. I don't want them in my life. The woman, I'm remaining friends with...but distantly. She contacted me yesterday asking if everything was alright. I think she has a good heart, and the fact that he took her off his FB friends list, sadly...it makes me feel relieved. Because I wasn't going to be friends anymore with her...If you say you 'love me' as a friend...how can you be friends with a guy who said he didn't care if I was dead? I don't see how the two can coexist. I would never stay friends with someone who said such a thing to a good friend. Not for me to tell my friends who to be friends with...but, if they choose to stand by him? I will go away. Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts...and advice. I need to hear it. I am determined to stay off there for 21 days. Today marked day 3. I need to stop lurking though...as part of the NC.
findingmeagain's picture

you know michelle i think like this too but with guys they don't . they will be friends till death ...it amazes me too at times with them.
Redhead1's picture

I had the same thing happen, but with a family member. Michele, I totally agree with what you say. Me and the Narc cannot be close to the same person. Its not about taking sides to me, its just a comfort thing. I just felt shadiness, whether it was there or not.
Susan32's picture

My former Narc boss tended to hire friends. He gave one of my coworkers whiplash, BLAMED her for being "hormonal",never apologized, lied to the management... yet he&this former coworker still pal around. He NEVER took responsibility that the injury put her on disability, yet she hangs out at his place, does yard sales with him. He calls her a b*tch behind her back, she doesn't mind. Needless to say, I've gone NC on the former Narc boss and this former coworker. My former Narc boss wanted to hire me at a new facility that's opening up... I stayed NC.
Lobo555's picture

I had a negative experience with 2 men I now call the Goon Squad. One I knew but not really well. One was a close friend of mine as well as the narc -- or so I thought. I thought this until I broke things off with the narc and the so-called mutual friend told me all about the narc's new girlfriend. The friend made sure I knew that the narc started with the new girl the day after I broke things off. The friend told all me and others in a public setting about how rich, beautiful, highly sexed the new girl is. In fact, he said, the new girl and the narc are having constant sex! Are together 24/7! He's crazy smitten with her! Booyah! I've written of this before. But given the topic I'm repeating the story. Narc proxys are lethal. They'll turn on you like a snake in favor of the narc. Beware and avoid at all costs.
Deidre40's picture

omg--I SO needed a good laugh. Not feeling well this afternoon as it is, and that made me want to vomit reading these men chattering about him on there. As if he is something to look up to. Please! Meanwhile, I'm well respected on there. How on earth can they respect us both? I am done with phony friends. People who only want to befriend me to be nosy in my business. Here's something. I remember when he came back from a long time of being off the site, and he said...''oh, it's nice to see my fans missed me.'' FANS. Not friends. FANS! He'll meet his Maker someday. That is all I know. And he better have a better story to tell. Thanks Lobo for the giggle!! *goon squad* :P
Lobo555's picture

Glad to have given a giggle -- you have to laugh even if it seems impossible! As for phony friends, life is too short for those. There are too many good, kind, wonderful people to waste your time on the ones who are nasty. Make up a nickname for the nasty ones and leave 'em in the dust! {{hugs}}
Deidre40's picture

By website...I don't mean FB. I don't have an active FB page anymore. I am speaking of a site he and I belong to. I have been trying to not lurk. And have been good at not logging in. I shouldn't have lurked today. :=( Dammit! I wasn't even looking for anything about him, and bam...there's all this chatter ABOUT him. In addition to this crap I read above...from the mutual friend...another guy in the thread is saying how he sent the N a friend request, but never got accepted. HE'S A JERK...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???!!! Once that jerk reads that thread? OMG. His head will be bigger than it already is. I was doing well...and then I lurked. I can't believe I could feel pain in my stomach, reading this. But, not over him so much, as over these men idolizing this ahole.
Hunter's picture

You did it to yourself! Find a new site! Hunter
momoya's picture

What is it about this site that you can't go without loggin in for 21 days? and if you forgave EXN , what does it really matter what his friend wrote on the site? here's to 21 days!


Deidre40's picture

hahahaha :P Ok! You're right. I have nothing to say to this, momoya...21 days. I guess the ''allure'' is that I have some friends there, I kept a diary going (for exercise logging) but...honestly? I haven't been on in 3 days, and I was gaining my peace of mind back. Not lurking at all, I admit...will take some pratice...trial and error. But, had I not looked today at all...I wouldn't have seen that inane comment. I have forgiven the ex N for as much as I can...do I still wish he had remorse? Yes. That doesn't mean I can't be hurt/anrgy over what the ''friend'' said today. Someone who basically told me to stay away from the narc...and then here he is on that site today...telling everyone he thinks 'he is cool?' Good Lawdie. I am going to try for 21 days. Today marked day 3. But, I could start over if we are 'counting' not lurking. :=) I know this. When I stay away from there...I feel better. NC, while it can be tricky at first...does our minds wonders. Thanks for your thoughts momoya.