When even those who love you don't get it?

I understand everything you wrote in your post. What I've learned is to try to limit all my feelings and thoughts in a safe atmosphere..like counselling, support groups, and those people who really want to know and can handle it. It adds more emotional pain when those close to you don't understand or seem frustrated with me. My Aunt says "put your big girl panties on and get on with your life!!". Or some say "another failed relationship? we cant help you" (implying that I don't deserve help) My mother is so caring that she will call and listen to my feelings everynight, but she is elderly and gets tired and exasperated by it, so I let up. I love her so much. My advice is to keep processing what happened to you and what your life will be. But do it where you feel safe and listened to. Hope this helped :)

It's tough because you need someone or a few close people who you can really confide in and get comfort. I'm sorry your mom's going through something of her own and can't do that for you. My advice is to not share too much with a lot of people. Just try to find a couple confidants that you trust and can compassionately comfort you without making judgemental, dismissive or hurtful statements. I think that can be just as destructive to your psyche as not having people to confide in. I don't have many people in my life I can really share with. Really, the only person who knows everything is my 80 year old aunt who tries to understand, but she's pretty old school, "don't be a victim", the best revenge is to be happy type. But as I've really delved into the details with her, she's coming to understand what I went through. And I've really taken the time to share with her the things I've learned about narcissism and relate it back to my experiences with my Ns. She never says anything dismissive or hurtful to me anymore about the N I left 8 months ago and she doesn't question why it's still affecting me so. However, her son (my cousin) came over a week ago and we were talking about it and said "still obsessing about that, huh?" But you know what, I just brushed it off. I know what I know and people who don't know are just going to fall back on what they think. As wrong as their thinking is. So, as everyone says, come here often. Get your thoughts out and find comfort here. Especially, if you can't get the kind of comfort and understanding you need somewhere else. This site is a God send.

It's tough because you need someone or a few close people who you can really confide in and get comfort. I'm sorry your mom's going through something of her own and can't do that for you. My advice is to not share too much with a lot of people. Just try to find a couple confidants that you trust and can compassionately comfort you without making judgemental, dismissive or hurtful statements. I think that can be just as destructive to your psyche as not having people to confide in. I don't have many people in my life I can really share with. Really, the only person who knows everything is my 80 year old aunt who tries to understand, but she's pretty old school, "don't be a victim", the best revenge is to be happy type. But as I've really delved into the details with her, she's coming to understand what I went through. And I've really taken the time to share with her the things I've learned about narcissism and relate it back to my experiences with my Ns. She never says anything dismissive or hurtful to me anymore about the N I left 8 months ago and she doesn't question why it's still affecting me so. However, her son (my cousin) came over a week ago and we were talking about it and said "still obsessing about that, huh?" But you know what, I just brushed it off. I know what I know and people who don't know are just going to fall back on what they think. As wrong as their thinking is. So, as everyone says, come here often. Get your thoughts out and find comfort here. Especially, if you can't get the kind of comfort and understanding you need somewhere else. This site is a God send.

It's tough because you need someone or a few close people who you can really confide in and get comfort. I'm sorry your mom's going through something of her own and can't do that for you. My advice is to not share too much with a lot of people. Just try to find a couple confidants that you trust and can compassionately comfort you without making judgemental, dismissive or hurtful statements. I think that can be just as destructive to your psyche as not having people to confide in. I don't have many people in my life I can really share with. Really, the only person who knows everything is my 80 year old aunt who tries to understand, but she's pretty old school, "don't be a victim", the best revenge is to be happy type. But as I've really delved into the details with her, she's coming to understand what I went through. And I've really taken the time to share with her the things I've learned about narcissism and relate it back to my experiences with my Ns. She never says anything dismissive or hurtful to me anymore about the N I left 8 months ago and she doesn't question why it's still affecting me so. However, her son (my cousin) came over a week ago and we were talking about it and said "still obsessing about that, huh?" But you know what, I just brushed it off. I know what I know and people who don't know are just going to fall back on what they think. As wrong as their thinking is. So, as everyone says, come here often. Get your thoughts out and find comfort here. Especially, if you can't get the kind of comfort and understanding you need somewhere else. This site is a God send.

Very thoughtful question you just asked. I"ve spent a lot of time thinking about this myself. For me, at least, I think people cannot possibly understand it unless they've really been through it. If you think about it, so much of what happens that is awful with them depends very much on the context of the entire relationship. The patterns that emerge over time. To recount isolated incidents to others is difficult because sometimes... the incident itself is not really the horrifying part, what's terrible is the amount of times it was replayed over and over again (kind of like movie Groundhogs Day ;0), and sometimes the isolated incident was indeed horrifying. Either way people have one of two reactions: 1. If the incident wasn't that big of deal on its own they really don't get why you're so freaked out; and 2. If it was horrifying that don't have any idea why you would "stay and put up with it." They just don't understand the dynamics of this type of relationship and they can get worn down by us talking about it over and over. They don't know how to help, they don't know what else to say and they want you to just be better and the person that they care about again. They don't necessarily see black eyes and broken bones. You look fine.. why aren't you fine??? Kind of how we look at the narcissist and get completely confused that he looks human, even sometimes acts human... why isn't he HUMAN DAMNIT!!!! Know what I mean? Anyway... I get very lonesome sometimes feeling like I've used all the ears up.. however, I'm kind of lucky. I've gotten to the point where being all by myself with my thoughts and my books on this stuff and surfing the net reading about it or coming here really is helping me more. And in the moments that I really need to talk... I have a few good friends that will let me do just that, and the best one of all has been through a guy like this. Only she was quicker than me and only was with him for a year. But all the patterns were the same.. she thinks her guy was "just less skilled" as she puts it and was over the top really fast making it totally obvious that he was a nutjob. Mine took his time more. Anyway, it has helped me keeping it to myself more often now as long as I feel I'm being productive about it and not just sinking further into depression. That's what I would caution you about. It's easy to feel a little too safe being all alone and not getting in touch with anybody. I'm walking that line a bit... but I do think I'm making a little bit of progress. I don't know if that helps at all.... but I can certainly relate to the feelings you seem to be having by the way you asked your question. Hang in there!