When are we going to finally get it?

If the ex-Psych prof had acted like a seven year old... it's called the "age of reason" because 7 year olds have some sense of responsibility and cause/effect. Besides, that's when significant memories form. If the ex-P had acted like a SEVEN year old... it would've lasted LOL. No, the ex-P acted like a TWO year old. Totally absorbed in himself&his needs. Not apologizing for waking up parents in the middle of the night with shrieking. Throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way. Uses charm. The ex-P acts MORE like my two year old nephew (and the ex-P is almost 50, BTW) than a seven year old. There's a BIG difference. I should ask the ex-P if his Mommy is still nursing him and he's rough-housing with his Daddy, because that's what I NEED to know. LOL

Can relate. Still with husband. Haven't had sex with him in 13 years. Was with n for 5. Was helping me get divorced then pulled the plug a month before. I don't love hus and he knows it. With him for finan reasons. Trying to get on my own. Keep applying for higher paying jobs. When N had his mask on I believed this was it. I was so madly, crazy in love. The best everything. Then eventually mask slipped and did not recognize him. I am back to my lonely existence and realize I need to get out. So unhappy.

Like you my aunt had committed suicide and my nan died in the same week, I was depressed and looking back he must have been thinking what a perfect victim, how sad, I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole now, must make him feel good knowing he conned us both (my husband was a good friend to him) but now makes me feel better that if I was not feeling so depressed he wouldnt have deceived me. He treated me like crap when all I did for him was to care and have feelings for him. I hate him, he lives next door and will prob not move, not apologise and give Nevsky closure but will keep flaunting ow in front of me knowing he has got away with it but he knows the mask is off, so does his ex wife and if he moves ow in I will prob tell her what a prick he has been.

I agree, Well. Narcs are predators, and they sense our weakness. I, also, think that idealized views about love make us vulnerable, and so does the pain from previous wounds. It did with me anyway, and these were yet other weaknesses for the narc to target. Speaking only for myself, as a small child I thought I would find the "perfect man" for me, fall head over heels "in love" with him, get married, and live "happily ever after". This fantasy was not inspired from anything to do with my family of origin (or reality for that matter). I think it was an idea I got into my head as a child, and I never moved past the fantasy for some reason. I was actually raised to be independent, think for myself, and my parents repeatedly let me know that I could achieve anything I wished. They would be proud of me. All I needed to do was set my goals, and start. They would emotionally support me in my endeavors. I was NOT taught that I needed a man to be "somebody". I was always taught that I was a complete, unique, worthy person in my own right. As an adult, I've trained my own horses, built porches onto my houses (alone), and changed out the engine in my pickup truck. Personally, my guess is that I took reading fairy tales a little more to heart than was probably good for me when I was a child. Plus, I have always been a "people pleaser" and empathic. I was VERY idealistic and romantic when it came to "love". lol. To me when I was young, "in love" meant becoming instantly and completely enthralled with my lover. He would be just as enthralled with me as I was with him. We would be "soul mates" forever. Picture little birdies flying around and heart shapes in our eyes...I'm sure you get the picture. :) I believed in "love at first sight". Looking back, this was complete and utter magical thinking on my part. It was complete, childish fantasy. The only place this really happens (and works out well) is in cartoons and movies. This unrealistic thinking made me vulnerable to narc predators. I think both of my narc husbands sensed this magical thinking, as well as they both surfaced at emotionally vulnerable times in my life. When I met my first xnh, I was a very naive girl still in high school. I virtually had no experience with the real world (just my magical thinking about "love"). When I met my second xnh, I had been divorced from my first xnh for 12 years. I was very lonely, and my tail-feathers were so badly burned from my marriage to the first xnh that I had not been in many relationships in between. At this point, in walked my second xnh into my life like the charming, caring, soul mate that he portrayed himself to be (albeit very narcissistic hurricane). I'm guessing I must have had a big, neon target on my back that just screamed of "vulnerable prey - abuse me". Like you, I do not trust. I didn't trust enough, after my first xnh, to get involved with anyone for a LONG time. When I met my second xnh, I was finally ready to try trusting again. Xnh took my trust that I gave him, and he abused it in every way possible. Now, I SERIOUSLY don't trust. It's worse this time, because I don't know if I want to risk my trust ever again. I'm afraid. I see giving my trust to another relationship kind of like that old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I've been fooled twice. I'm learning tons about this narc stuff that I did not know about after my first narc. I didn't even know NPD existed back then. In addition, I'm recovering much more quickly this time, and I think I'm much stronger both emotionally and in my knowledge. However, until I'm convinced that I can trust myself enough not to attract another narc into my life, I'm not sure I can trust letting another man close enough to have an intimate relationship. I agree with you, it's such shame. Like onwithmy life, I don't want to grow old alone, and I would like to really have a healthy relationship once in my life.