What's wrong with me?

Next Friday will be two months since I changed my phone number and have had no contact with the N. I feel very proud of myself for ridding him of my life and sticking to it. Shortly after New Years, I started talking to this guy at work. I had heard he lived with his girlfriend, but he was always flirting with me, and told me he "lived in a bachelor pad" so I thought ok, they probably broke up. Then one night he asked me to go out with him. So I'm thinking well of course if he had a girlfriend he would never take me out! Wrong! So he takes me to a bar, then gets drunk and tries sleeping with me the first night. I of course said no, and the next day I asked him do you have a girlfriend? And he said "Yes, you already knew". I was so mad that he led me to believe different. But after getting away from the last "N", I guess I was extremely vulnerable, and stupidly kept seeing him. I knew all he wanted was sex, and I thought I could convince myself that I would be okay with that, considering I was trying to get over all the painful memories of the N.

Fast forward a month and a half later, I'm still "seeing" this other guy. I should have seen the N warning signs from the beginning. Cheating on his gf, no respect for her or me, the fact that he felt entitled to do it, etc. I think I was just so desperate for anyone to pay attention to me to get my mind off the ex N, that I felt right into the trap again. I know it's my own fault for getting involved with someone with a girlfriend, and I was a fool.

I finally had it with him this past week when he told me he would be at my house in 30 min, and I waited 3 hours for him and he never showed. No apology, no nothing. Then I see him at work a few days later and he acts as if nothing happened, and I ignored him. I texted him later saying if he wasn't such a jerk to me I wouldn't have had to ignore him. Anyways, he acted as if he did nothing wrong, and didn't apologize, so I said forget it, and told him to never speak to me again, and when he sees me at work to ignore me. He said "I hope we can end this on a good note and at least be friends", I said no. I saw him a few times today at work and walked right past him and ignored him. But what's sad is I kept looking at my phone, hoping he would text me, acting like he cared.

Sometimes he would actually act like he cared about, and would want to hang out with me even if he knew nothing was going to happen. I guess I thought I could change him. Then I feel like I'm being a bitch, and should just continue talking to him, but the other part of me feels I deserve an apology and how could someone treat me like this. But then I also tell myself, "what do you expect, he has a girlfriend".

My therapist told me I'm so used to dealing with my narcissistic father, and this is why I am so drawn to these type of "men". My entire life I walked on eggshells around my dad, and always sought his approval. I would never say anything to make him mad, and when he was mad, I would try so hard to make things right. I feel as though this has effected me greatly in my relationships. Just as with the past N, and now this guy, I am so desperate for THEIR approval, even if they are scum bags. I feel like in my heart I deserve so much better, but I have been brought up to cater to a man, which is wrong.

I just don't know what's wrong with me. This new N treated me like dirt, and wouldn't say sorry, now I feel sad and like the bad guy. So why do I have this huge urge to talk to him again?