What you represent to me

I was thinking today that soon I will need to lessen my activity on this forum; no great rush
because I still need it. Helping others and reading is very beneficial to me at this stage.Helping
others has charted my recovery and growth; it helps me realize the progress I have made.

If I could tell you the places you have all been with me you would be shocked. You have been
with me at work, in the bathroom when I have cried so hard I threw up, you have been with me
the weeks I could hardly get out of bed, you have been with me during the worst pain I have
ever experienced in my entire life. I still need you because with you in my life I dont feel
alone and I know I was never alone during this whole trauma.

However, you also represent something more to me. You represent all the innocent and trusting
souls the psychopath I knew has done this to. You are the girlfriend, the partner, the wife,
and the loving person who thought they had found someone who truly loved them. You are all
these things and I have seen up close and personal through YOU, the lives he has tried to
destroy, and I am sure some were destroyed.

I can pretty much conclude that the psychopath that violated my life RAN LIKE HELL because
his persona no longer was able to fool me but he will never know to the extent I was able to
learn and understand what he REALLY was. This was my truth in the end that I so deserved to
know for all his injustice towards me. I could have told him he was a psychopath, but in all
honesty we understand what they are more than they do. Psychopath is just a word to them
that SOUNDS bad - just as the word LOVE sounds good. He will never know that I studied him
like a lab experiment and how I connected to others that suffered the damage he imposes. He doesnt
need to know because he would never understand. "WHY BOTHER"

He began as the love of my life and ended as a trauma, and I shall never forget the wonderful
people on this forum that have come and gone that have helped me to understand why. I will be
grateful to Lisa and this forum for all eternity.