What is wrong with my head and how do I fix it?

I think most of us on this board have gone through the nightmares phase. I've cycled through it a few times. The only thing that really helps me is to write down my dream and try to get to the bottom of what it means. It sounds like a few people on this board have some great ideas about your specific dream. It's actually a productive way to release some of the things that we "back burner" during the day because we have other things to do other than stress about our Narc. Your subconscious is still churning all of your trauma around so it has to come out in some way. Hang in there...once you've worked through it, they will stop.

Of course I do, and I can explain why for you, from at least my experience. It's easier to dig in with your heals as you are reaching to the prospect of freedom. Freedom is fearful. You almost find, not comfort, but familiarity with your suffering. It becomes common place for you, as if you are more accustomed to this feeling and uncomfortable with what lies ahead. Also, it represents to you that you are indeed letting go and thats scary as well. You have no idea what lays beyond your suffering, and let's face it, while we are suffering, we have found solace, here as well as many other places in our lives and it is somewhat discomforting to let go of that. The site of freedom right now, may represent to you standing alone, and that possibly scares you or makes you uncomfortable. Don't let it though.........there is a bit of a ways to go, but I believe you are on a good path now and are "steam full ahead" at this point. What do we do once this is over? What do we do once we have healed? What will I do to fill the void of my suffering? As much as we want it gone, we almost have a love affair with it as well. And the reason for that, is it is the only thing we have found, through all of this, maybe in some cases through all of our lives, that we were truly able to control. Our suffering. Have no fear of letting go. Beautiful things are coming your way, Just wait and see! :)

and I'm about the same time NC. One, I remember waking up almost crying, and I said something like "no." He was being mean, tho I can't remember how. I've noticed that I'm consistently holding onto the "real guy" in my mind and for longer and not romantacizing the relationship as much. I think this is a good sign. :) xo

Last night I had my first dream about ExN however he was nice and loving and coming back to me. In my dream I kept refusing him and saying "No, I will have to start NC all over again from day one!" I kept saying that and saying that....at the end of the dream he was actually sitting on a stage and begging for my love and then BOOM! he fell off the satge and I was just repeating in my dream...no, no, no I don't want to be back to Day1 NC. hmmmmm? Weird that they invade us even in our sleep.

try and get better sleep as much a s possible. And also I guess sometimes bad dreams just happen. I guess it has to to with the subconcious mind. Just the trauma of being thru of all it. For me I guess I still have PTSD hence the bad dreams, panic attacks, despair etc. but congratulations on 8 months NC..i am only 5 days NC and i feel somewhat better because this marks for me the FIRST time i have ever not called him i alwasy break on the 3rd day. Every day is empowering. I'm not sure if this another phase of recovery, but you have come so far so just don't look too much into it. COntinue taking care of yourself, treat urself to a nice hot bath, cup of tea, read a good back, listen to music and "this too shall pass".... Good luck

I too have bad dreams about him...mainly him screaming awful things at me while i just sit quietly in a chair while he is relentlessly badgering me. I also dream of the OW and her with his children and the kids are wanting to run to me and they think the OW is me...a very odd dream but it is re-occuring...i guess in some ways we are grieving and working through our pain in our dreams. i can't wait for them to stop! HUGS!

I had nightmares around month 2 or three I think, it was him in my dreams but he had the face of the devil, I would wake up crying and soak and wet from sweating my ass off. Now my dreams are he is being really nice and loving like he was in the beginning, but then he turns cold and walks out, but in the dream I really don't care that he leaves. I always google my dreams and most of the time it says I am coming to grips with my life moving forward and getting rid of the evil in my life. I wish they would just stop all together. Google "theft" or "steeling" and see what it says. (In dream dictionary moods A-Z.

It is part and parcel of the whole recovery process, i had some night mares early on and my narc stole things from me as well when he moved out of my place. hang in there, things will get better, it is a long haul............of ups and downs..

Yes, this is another stage of recovery. I went through it, as many here can attest to as well. The fog has lifted, reality has set in. This is actually a very good sign for you! Be happy that it is happening! With this, comes survival! You see him for what he truly is, you can not make excuses for him, nor do you want to. You are able to now, finally, take "inventory" of all that he has taken from you! Not just the material things, everything................ A new dawn is on the horizon for you Coffee! Welcome it with open arms! Don't doubt it, don't read into it, relish in it.............you are on your way! The best to come is merely around the corner for you! I am so happy for you! :)