What Role would YOU choose

14 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 24 - 1PM

neverlookback

What Role would YOU choose

THE OTHER WOMAN: Always HURT and in PAIN over his GF he is living with, wondering why it could not be you he comes home to and shares a life with. Wondering what she has that you dont have, why you were only good enough to spend your time with him horizontally, betrayed and violated and lied to only to be left with broken and empty promises.

THE GIRLFRIEND: Devotes her life to a man she loves and clings to desperately, cooks his meals, cleans his home, cares for him when he is sick, accepts he is self centered, compromises what she REALLY wants so she can have him in her life. Behind her back he is cheating,(in their bed they share) having many long term relationships at the same time, sexually neglecting her intimate needs ,D&D's her LIES TO HER 24-7, uses her for secondary supply, sits down to a wonderful meal she has cooked just after he has screwed another woman at some cheap motel, half the time he only gives her sex to make her feel loved so she stays, she could be used as a beard, image, front, or all of the above. She is also wondering what the OW have that she doesnt have.

Which role looks better and which role would you be happier in? Here is my thought the only thing she has that I will never have, She gets to see the lying sick piece of shit garbage everyday and I dont.

My point being, there is no role that is a good place to be in their lives, do you honestly think they are cuddled up in front of the fireplace kissy kissy? He is whispering sweet chants of love in her ear and they make love 24-7 and CANT WAIT to run home and see her? The only reason he will RUN home to see her is because he is running late from being with someone else!!!! Do you think a sex addict enjoys having the SAME stuff waiting for him every night? I THINK NOT. Those are the roles you have to choose from - not very glamorous is it?

There is no choice, this is a no brainer I dont want to be his madonna or his whore on the side. There is a better place for me in this life and it "Aint" with a psychopath.
Back on the NC wagon and moving on, by the way just so you know I was feeling Mentally healthy with NC, and it took TWO episodes of contact to start seeing my mind shift again, I am NOT going back to that - I looked back and took a little peek to what my life was like once and I cant believe I lived that way, NEVER AGAIN

#2 Apr 26 - 9PM

FINALLYFREE2BME

Great post!

So TRUE!!! LOVE it!!!

#3 Apr 26 - 5AM

ImStrong

We have no choice..they pic

We have no choice..they pic it for us..but if I trully had to choose I would choose the ow..even tho I was the gf before..because they d&d the gf faster due to feeling held back in a relationship..this is my old mind of course..and what I would of choose then..the ow is more of a friend I realize and sticks around longer..i realize this..when your the gf ..your time Is counting down fast for he new replacement..narc does not like relationshipsat all..it is secondary..the last option for supply..so they are quick to get out of one..like a hot potatoe in your hand

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#4 Apr 25 - 10PM

ifinallygotit

I was the dense girlfriend

Even though we did not get married or live together, and even though he was often ambivalent and spent only one or two nights a week with me, I was too in love to understand that he was probably cheating on me! G-D I was so thick!!! There were so many signs that I can see now but i was just so happy that I was "the one" he liked to spend alot of time with. There were no signs of other women in his house - no weird calls, no knocks on the door - but he was addicted to being a celeb, consumed with his image, a huge flirt and a bar rat. I let him go have his fun and did not tight rein him because he had me trusting him - but knowing they are addicted to the chase, the initial thrills of romance of course he had other girls! Maybe they just made out in cars or maybe he went to their homes - but there is no way he could have been loyal or faithful now that my denial is broken - he always seemed to be hiding something - his past - his past ladies - his money - his problems - just freakily secretive. He apparently was always this way as I read an article by one of his highschool coaches who commented on his secretive character. As far as kissy kissy on the couch - YES! That is exactly what we would do - the whole 10 years! He was totally sweet and affectionate, we would hold hands and kiss like teenagers watching TV - but after we would spend the night and make love he could barely stand to have me around 2 days in a row - that would wreck his game - he liked the build up, the romance, everything on his terms. He drove me so crazy! Being the GF was no walk in the park - he constantly let me down - only good thing was snuggling on the couch...that is not enough.

#5 Apr 25 - 4PM

kizzy72

GREAT POST!!!!!!!!!!

No need to say anymore. You hit the nail on the head. We romanticize the relationship he's having with the OW because we are thinking with logic and emotion. He's thinking with nothingness because he has no conscious, like a programmed robot Instead of Robo Cop he's Robo Narc

#6 Apr 25 - 12AM

TLSM

Right ON!!!!!!

Life is/will be SOOO much better with these jackasses out of our lives! The girlfriends can have them along with all their horrors! I am so done and so glad you are too! The more time that goes by w NC, the stronger we get. I want a REAL man! A real man that would love to kick the crap out of the ex freak for doing me wrong!

#7 Apr 24 - 5PM

Deidre40

Or we can choose to be alone,

Or we can choose to be alone, heal, and make better choices. neverlookback...I LOVE YOUR THREADS. You make such sense, and write so well. I really come away learning much, and am inspired...and feeling stronger. I am glad you are feeling stronger. {{hugs}}

#8 Apr 24 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

neverlookback

I like

that third choice, we can learn to be alone and enjoy it and heal and make better choices in the future. YES YES YES I dont have to have a penis in my life to feel like I am complete, ha ha ha Sure I miss intimacy with a man but not intimacy that will bring me pain, and not with my husband who is a controlling verbal abuser, That is a BIG turn off. I wrote this post because of my obsession I had with his GF of 10 years and I wondered how I would feel being that GF KNOWING he was off screwing other married women, calling them telling the,m how he missed them how beautiful they were and planning times to be with them, I have always just thought of myself rather than remembering the deep betrayal she lives with EVERY SINGLE DAY. Oh but he loves her more than he does me RIGHT? He lives with her so he must love her more than he ever did me. Ya when PIGS FLY. Its something we should ALL keep in mind when we think the OW is the love of their life. SORRY that is NOT LOVE and that is NOT the kind of love I want. If I hear one more man say, but they mean nothing to me I still love my wife or GF, I will go crazy, love does not include being a serial cheater on your wife and GF, I curse the day I did this behind my husbands back, I dont know if I can ever truly forgive myself for that.

#9 Apr 24 - 3PM

SoaperGirl

OW and GF - good points

I never thought about the possibility that she (GF) may be wondering about me as well. Maybe I didn't fare so bad after all. I was just thinking - last year, my x N proudly announced to the world on his website we were engaged and were to be married (he'd proposed 3x - and bought me an engraved engagement/wedding ring. I've even got it on video how excited he was to be engaged to me, and eagerly anticipating our summer wedding. It was I who called the wedding off at least temporarily. From everything I know - they have no plans to be married - she will essentially be just his shack up job, she will be putting a roof over his head (I was to move into his house), she'll be providing him food, sex and all the comforts of marriage, likely paying his bills as well. Initially she'd called him husband - which he liked but never responded to. Except there was never an announcement of an impending wedding. So, its just living together - Madonna or Whore, I don't see much difference here. She's a convenience like a concubine to serve all his needs - its all about him and what she can do for him (as he also proudly bragged!) He's a man-whore and she's just his paying customer - his trick that he turns when he feels like it or not. Forgot to mention - he's impotent so what is she getting out of the deal? - not much I'd venture. The guy can't adequately perform I know for a fact. She can't be getting much! Hahaha.

#10 Apr 24 - 2PM

dudette

The one that got away

and is happy to be well out of it! Dx

#11 Apr 24 - 1PM

gettinbetter

Madonna or the Whore it all

Madonna or the Whore it all sucks! either way nobody wins with these people. They destroy destroy destroy. I have been both to him at different times in our lives. Although round one we had a ridiculous amount of sex but it was disrespectful or weird. It was completely normal. This time nope something very different. He tried to have dirty sex with me but couldnt when he looked at my face. The therapist thought definitely the Madonna thing possibly because I had been pregnant with his baby. Who knows just a freak. Doesnt do much for the old self esteem. Either it all sucks

#12 Apr 24 - 1PM

agitating prop

The OW

Oh yeah, Anyone who envies the new partner, the wife, the live in, has to give their head a shake. They treat every woman the same. Hard to be devalued and dumped as the OW, but imagine being devalued and dumped and having to live with the human form of brain cancer.

#13 Apr 24 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

SoaperGirl

I like this thread - thanks to whoever started it

There is a part of me that envies his partner. I know he can't love anyone..but there is still that wounded part of me that doesn't want to let go, is jealous and insecure - I'd die before I'd admit such a thing to him however! I don't think he truly loves the new partner. She's useful, and she's new. She has a half-million dollar house and successful business, is slightly younger than me and is pretty. She's got money in the bank. As for me, I just beat breast cancer late last year, lost a breast through mastectomy, have been undergoing reconstruction. This week I will have nipple reconstruction surgery. Just getting all my health and strength back, and dealing with D & D'ed on top of that. My self-esteem could be better. Definitely not feeling glamorous. Have few assets. I do know that someday she'll be treated the same. They are 7 weeks into the relationship supposedly - probably still having the honeymoon. He's all set to move into her house and I don't feel like I can compete with her. I just wish that relationship would blow up in their faces, and see him get kicked to the curb looking like the old and ugly bastard he really is. It will happen, just trying to keep my spirits up in the meantime.

#14 Apr 24 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

Hope

Yes it will...

Yes it will soapergirl, she will kick him to the curb, by that time you will be back on top of the mountain!!! They are users, con men...Stay strong and take care of yourself!!

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews