At what point do you stop "researching"?

Hello All,

The first of the six steps suggested at this site is understanding the narcissist personality. I have done this, and continue to do so. I suffer BADLY from cognitive dissonance, and feel this intense need to understand XN, and me, and what happened between us, etc etc.

But sometimes I find it overwhelming. I will discover something in my reading, and it will open up ten more avenues for me to look down. There are days when I feel literally swamped with information, some of it contradictory, and NONE of it bringing me closure. Some days I have been in tears over it; I feel like I am running, clutching, grasping, but never getting any solace.

Does anyone else experience this?

I am confused from another point of view as well. I was reading Lisa's book again yesterday, and in it she said that when we are trying to figure things out like this, we are actually avoiding our feelings. So we should stop figuring it out and allow ourselves to feel. I have been doing this too. More tears.

So . . . which is it? Should we understand, or should we stop trying to understand?

I am not questioning Lisa's wisdom, or anyone else's. I am just confused and tired and anxious and sad, and hoping someone can clear this up for me.

Thank you all.