What is Most Hurtful thing EX NARC Said 2 U?

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#1 Dec 31 - 6PM
susnebraska
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What is Most Hurtful thing EX NARC Said 2 U?

In one sentence: "I am sick of hearing about your feelings!"

Jan 5 - 11PM
c_jennings
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its a toss up...

Between... "You are all wrong and i cant stay in this house one more minute with your son." and "Sex with you is tasteless."
Jan 3 - 4PM
Hunter
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"I adore you like my

"I adore you like my dog" Hunter
Jan 5 - 11PM (Reply to #35)
c_jennings
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yikes...

that poor dog...lol
Jan 3 - 4AM
BunnyBlue
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If I loved you ...

I don't know if this was the meanest thing, but it took me the longest to get over. He got dumped by me and then a few weeks later by the OW, and he said to me, "if I loved you, none of this would have happened." I dumped him because he was cheating on me, and then she dumped him because he was treating her like crap and she met someone else. And he seemed to be blaming the whole fiasco on ME because I wasn't lovable enough. If I had been, he reasoned, the whole emasculating incident could have been avoided. It took me literally years to get those words out of my head. "If I loved you." If? IF?! He'd been telling me all along how much he "loved" me. I had dozens of voicemail messages with him saying, "I love you." I wanted to make a tape and send it to him to prove that I was lovable. It was so screwed up. He said nastier things certainly, that I was his second choice, that the sex sucked, that he was mooching off me, only wanted me to co-sign a loan on a house, that I should commit suicide, that I enjoyed being humiliated, and that no one liked me. But somehow none of those things got to me quite as badly as "IF I loved you ... " IF. Sigh.
Jan 3 - 12AM
ifinallygotit
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You have to leave

after about 7 years, when I was in his bed very sick with the flu in the middle of winter and the power was out at my house and he knew I was ill and would freeze if he made me leave. he was going to the gym and refused to allow me to sleep there while he was gone - god only knows what he was hiding....
Jan 2 - 10PM
Run4it
Run4it's picture

What he didn't say

In my case, it is no so much what he did say but what he DIDN'T say. My N was not overtly mean to me verbally, his abuse was emotional withholding, lying and deceiving all while telling me that he knew I truly loved him.
Jan 2 - 9PM
saphire1
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I have several

You are too stupid to be in that program (im in grad school) You are such a cunt No wonder your kids are stupid (To my kids) get out your mother is a whore (When I was pregnant)you are not much of a wife (After I lost the baby)you are such a slut youwere probably fucking some other guy and it wasn't even mine You are a white trash bitch your kids are white trash Nice guy huh? I cant believe I took this crap
Jan 2 - 8PM
Tiffany30
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After the second and final

After the second and final D&D "You were an awful wife, and you will be an awful mother." There were a lot more hurtful things he said but this is the most hurtful.
Jan 2 - 12PM
prettypeeved
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It was probably the final

It was probably the final D&D. I was told how he had nothing to be jealous of where I was concerned. I had nothing that he "covets". Sincerely. Those words have kept me going through all his pathetic hoovering attempts, a reminder of what he REALLY thinks of me.
Jan 2 - 1PM (Reply to #28)
susnebraska
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Words to Knock U Down

"You're not all that." Those are the mean-spirited words he told me to knock down my self-esteem. It does hurt. The words are ingrained in my head, and I sometimes believe them.
Jan 2 - 12PM
janemarie
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He killed me with silence and

He killed me with silence and those green eyes.....he would glare at me with most evil look...sent chills throughout my whole body....made me sick to my stomach....
Jan 2 - 11AM
susnebraska
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Devil

Mystwoman ~ He is satan. So sorry you endured this abuse.
Jan 2 - 11AM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

Why don't you go ahead and

Why don't you go ahead and die? Hurry it up, and get it over with because you're ruining my life and holding me back. I have severe health problems (which xnh DID know about when he first met me). He was angry because HE wanted me to to go camping over the weekend, and I was sick and in pain. Maybe I'll beat the shit out of you until you divorce me. Xnh was in a rage (I don't even remember about what, at this point - rages in xnh were common), and he was intimidating me deliberately. He knew I have severe osteoporosis and fractures are a VERY serious thing in my world. Xnh used my fears about this to bully me. I don't love you. You're not even a 'good' human being. This was after xnh came home from cheating, and had infected me with an STD right before he dumped me. I'd been with the xnh for 16 years and married to him for 8 years. IMO, this comment is also pure projection. Xnh told me in an email after the D&D that "he was a 'good' husband and *I* know it." Well, no xnh was an abusive, lying, cheating, husband with a serious personality disorder. None of this falls onto my list of what I would define as a "good" husband. Truthfully, I'm not convinced that xnh is really what I'd term a human being. He fits better into the wild animal kingdom. Xnh rips other people to shreds and tries to devour them while they're still alive. This is after he's ran them into a complete state of exhaustion destroying their world. Then xnh trots off into the bushes to lick his own crotch, and screw some female that isn't his mate. lol.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Jan 1 - 3PM
ladywithatruck
ladywithatruck's picture

oh my there are a few, can't pick just one.

The ones that cut like a knife are; It's over, I don't love you enough. When asked enough to what he said "I don't love you enough to put up with this" After I had discovered another personal ad on the internet. I said to him, YOU don't love ME enough to put up with this, I have been faithful, YOU screwed around" He was reading a magazine, he looked up at me over his glasses and said in a voice so cold it gave me chills, "and what did you do?" I said in a whisper, "I stayed" He said, "Exactly" and went back to reading his magazine. His sister was standing there with her mouth hanging open. Later she said to me, "If you ever doubt leaving him was the right thing to do, remember one word, "Exactly". It was the truth, I had stayed; the truth hurts. The other really painful one came after we split and he got immediately involved and moved to with her. He was going on and on about how much better than me she was. He knew I had a failed suicide attempt only a month prior but after hours of him texting how sick I was and how his new g/f couldn't believe what he had to tolerate and how rational she is and he can talk to her, no need to lie to her etc. You all know the lines, I stopped responding and actually fell asleep out of pure exhaustion. 4 hours later my phone beeps with a text message. "Why don't you kill yourself! See if I care! You'll never get another man. No man wants a suicidal, suspicious, paranoid bitch like you anyway". And just last month when a year later he comes to me and wants to be friends and says I always loved you didn't you know that? I repeated it to him and he couldn't remember exactly what he said. I said I remember, I was sound asleep when the message came in and I will never forget it word for word I have it engraved in my mind. He said he thought I was trying to manipulate him. I said, "I hadn't messaged you in 4 hours, I was asleep". He shrugged and said well you should have known I didn't mean it.
Jan 1 - 12PM
MaryEm
MaryEm's picture

I have quite a few...

1. You need to start reading my body language better. (This is my personal favorite....basically blaming ME for what he wasn't able to verbally communicate). 2. I feel like I walk on eggshells around you and I have to change my personality because you don't like it when I yell, which really isn't yelling. It's just the way I speak and you should be used to it by now. 3. I think you overreact and exaggerate 4. Why do you have to be so accommodating? You're too accommodating and blasé about everything.  5. You never listen to me. I wish for once you would just listen to me. 6. I don't feel like I have a true partner in you.  7. Quit trying to be funny in front of my brother. You're not funny.  8. (A week after the last comment) I wish you'd speak up around my co-workers. I guess I'm just attracted to people with bigger personalities than yours. 9. I can't respect your job and what you do for a living. Sometimes when you talk about work, I really don't care.  10. When you told me about that scary dream you had last night where you needed surgery, I was furious. You know I am scared of dying, why on EARTH would you tell me about a dream like that? That's horrible! 11.I don't feel a deep down desire to see a long term relationship work out between us....(then in the same breath) Maybe seeing a therapist together will help shed some light on the situation. 12. Your family is boring. 13. I don't like being naked. I'm not a "naked-guy". Put some clothes on. 14. After his dog bit me, "What the F did you do to him???"  15. (after telling me several things that are "wrong" with me) These are the reasons I can't make a commitment to you. If these things get better, then we'll see what the future holds. 16. (telling our friends I broke up with him when in reality he broke up with me) 17. You are so sensitive. I wish you were stronger. 18. (constant complaints about things I own or how I like something in my house) "your mattress sucks....my neck hurts today" / "you have too many pillows on the couch, I don't feel comfortable here" / "I wish you'd get a decent knife to cut the vegetables" / "turn the lights down in here-it's too bright" 19. Your parents don't like me, so I refuse to be part of your birthday party/thanksgiving/christmas. 20. You've been seeing a therapist for months....why hasn't anything changed?
Jan 2 - 12PM (Reply to #22)
prettypeeved
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This is classic narc

This is classic narc thinking: 2. I feel like I walk on eggshells around you and I have to change my personality because you don't like it when I yell, which really isn't yelling. It's just the way I speak and you should be used to it by now. and yet... 4. Why do you have to be so accommodating? You're too accommodating and blasé about everything. So on the one hand he has to dance to your tune, but on the other hand you're dancing to his tune? Well, which is it, narc boy? They're all nuts!
Jan 1 - 10AM
Redhead
Redhead's picture

Most hurtful

I'm not in love with you - I feel apathy
Jan 1 - 9AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Most hurtful?

"I love you. I have never felt this way before. You are my soulmate. We belong together. I want to marry you and make you my wife and spend my entire life with you. I will never leave you." God bless, Goldie
Jan 1 - 3PM (Reply to #19)
Sparrow
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Goldie, I believe we were

Goldie, I believe we were with the same man! LOL Those are the exact words he said to me too! Too funny.........
Jan 1 - 7AM
Victim-no-more
Victim-no-more's picture

I had just spent $200 to buy

I had just spent $200 to buy groceries for him because he was destitute....he decided he was going to take the groceries and get rid of me for the night so he could go out partying and he obviously didn't want me around, so I started crying and calling him out on his shit and how he just uses me......he said "i think I'm going to go out and find 2 drunken bitches to bring home." I will never forget that.....such cruelty, he will never hurt me again.
Jan 1 - 7AM
Joyless
Joyless's picture

"Guess I can truely call you

"Guess I can truely call you an OLD RIP now!" This after some friend and us had been riding horses and my horse got to close to a barbed wire fence. I tore my jeans and had an open cut on my leg. We were sitting at home relaxing when all of a sudden he decided to say this in front of them?!?!?!?
Jan 1 - 4AM
mandathepanda
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"Get a grip" "this is TOO

"Get a grip" "this is TOO heavy" "just chill Amanda"...all these are the stock phrases he would use when I called him up on his lies, cheating, inconsistencies and generally bad behaviour. All designed to make ME feel like the one with the problem.
Jan 1 - 4AM
Alissa
Alissa's picture

"I have no use for you

"I have no use for you anymore"
Dec 31 - 9PM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

About 5 years ago...we hadn't

About 5 years ago...we hadn't been together a year yet... I used to make a big breakfast on Saturday mornings for everyone. His son was sometimes with us on weekends at the time. On this particular weekend...I was TIRED. I told the kids they could fend for themselves. Now let me preface all of this by saying my eldest who was 15 at the time is a quadriplegic. I have given up EVERYTHING (travel, friendships, career opportunities) to care for her myself. She's my baby..my LIFE...we've been through everything together...and I'd do it ALL again in a heart beat. His son who was 11ish at the time has aspergers. When came over he was RUDE and lazy. And it's not because of the autism. It's because he's almost a ferrel child who has been left alone most of the time. Anyways I was exhausted this particular morning from attending to my own daughter who needs diapers and feedings . I didn't see any harm in them having cereal...or...cooking their own breakfasts(including my own son aged 10) The NARC came in asked where breakfast was. I told him everyone was fending for themselves. He spun around and left the kitchen. He returned in a rage. Screaming at me." Do you know what you've done to that little boy in there?!?! He doesn't understand where his breakfast is!!! You HAVE NO COMPASSION FOR THE DISABLED!!YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO UNDERSTANDING OF DISABILITIES!!You've torn his heart out of his chest. I can't believe you'd be so cruel to a DISABLED child!!!!!" I SAT with my jaw in my lap. It was like I was out of my body watching him take a kill shot at me. I hovered above the room trying to comprehend what was happening. ME! I get pissed/shit on every day during diaper changes. I've cried myself to sleep over no one wanting to be my little girls friend and her loneliness...I've worked hard to fill the void with family. I've slept on hospital room floors and am hard pressed to say that in the first 9 years of her life if we spent more time at home or in hospitals. For YEARS I slept sitting up cross legged with my daughter in my lap because she would stop breathing and go into arrest. I've watched her FIGHT for every breath...and felt like if she didn't take another one...I wouldn't either! And him and his son treat me like a jerk off in my own house (at that point he'd been completely freeloading of me even tho he was making great money as truck driver)I always spent the day after his son would leave CLEANING from a weekend of those two laying around and eating while they played video games and watched NASCAR. I couldn't even answer him. I was frozen by his words. 5 years later I'm blown away all over again. Just thinking about it.
Dec 31 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
needing2know
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Im_always_fine

I commend you for being such a loving , caring, compassionate mother! My daughter is also disabled, and for this man to say that to you just ripped at my heart! when your child's disabilities are so bad that they cannot do for themselves it is so hard and yes you stop your life to take on theirs , because we want them to have the best life they can! My daughter doesn't have friends and it truly breaks my heart, she will never get married or have children let alone just date. My ex asked me if I was going to make her a ward of the state when she turned 18 so I could have my life back! I looked at him and asked him if he was out of his f...ing mind, I said why the hell would I do that! I wouldn't trade a minute of what i do for her for anything, she is my life! She makes me who I am, I have 3 boys too , and I love them all the same, but I am closer to her because of all I go through with her, and her brothers will defend her to the end! A child with autism can learn basic things if the parent takes tim eto teach them, when they don't allow the child to do for themself then of course they are upset when things are not done for them. If his child can learn that he should be taught! You keep doing wht your doing , I full get it, you are not alone! God bless you and that beautiful daughter! Take care of both of you!
Jan 1 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

I don't believe for a moment

I don't believe for a moment that his son gave breakfast a second thought. He was just exploiting his son'd disability to manipulate me into SERVING him. His son is fine with routine changes....HE is not if the routine has been to his benefit.
Jan 1 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
into the light
into the light's picture

Oh, my heart goes out to both

Oh, my heart goes out to both of you. What you both went through with those specimens of darkness must have been hell. And you are such strong, loving, selfless women. Thank God they are no longer in your lives. Here's to better times ahead ... xx
Dec 31 - 11PM (Reply to #10)
bgirl
bgirl's picture

I'm _always_fine this is the

I'm _always_fine this is the most disgraceful thing I have read yet. I can't even fathom how amazingly strong and compassionate you must be...and to think he said this too you??? Totally gobsmacked....:(
Dec 31 - 9PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

" I never

loved you I just wanted us to get a house together so I could drive you off a cliff and get the house."
Dec 31 - 9PM
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

that he hated having kids and wish they were never born

when he wanted to leave for ow and I said but she has kids, he said, yeah i like other peoples kids just not my own, I wish they were never born Or after knowing he went a way for a weekend with the OW and i thought it was the first time in 14 years he had been with someone after us and I was dumn enough to say ow that hurts and he said geez you act like this is the 1st time i had sex since we split so many things.....mostly hurt that he turned out to be such a liar...what a fucking liar