What I'm finally getting good at....

Not letting his words offend me, or take them personally anymore.

Yesterday, I called mer569 who was an absolute dear to help me through my melt down after talking to that idiot! Letting him say horrible things to me.

But...today? It is quite strange, I feel strong. I thought to myself...all the things we talk about on this forum. Narcs say things that hurt. Yes. But, they don't mean them. They are just designed to hurt, sting, wilt us, make us reliant on them for a compliment...make us insecure. I used to be like...why would he say that??? Am I really stupid? Maybe he's right about me? Maybe I am unreasonable? Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I am worthless.

But, not today. He said yesterday...before hanging up on me...''I don't care if you die!'' Did that hurt? Yes, at first.

But, today, I am determined to block him...everywhere, anywhere. I will no longer take any bait he lays out. I know that soon enough, knowing him...he'll be baiting me again. It's all about getting my attention. It's all about baiting me, to smash my spirits.

It's insane that someone could have this hard of a time understanding why we broke up. And me extending an olive branch, and he took it from me, and smashed it? No one will treat me like this ever again.

And this time I type that emphatically. With no tears. No hesitation. I finally am not offended by him. He's a psychopath. A very disturbed person. Only a disturbed person would utter something like that, and for what? What did I do to deserve that? Nothing.

So...even though I've broken NC this past week. I am wiser. I see through him. And I'm determined now to go forward, and not look back. Think many of us have a hard time with NC...because NC requires us to move past...the past. That can be hard. But, once you recognize that the person you left behind does not and cannot truly love you--all he wants is attention and his needs met--you can move on. When you realize that his abusive words and treatment is all about him, and not about you? Because NO MATTER WHAT HE SAID YOU DID TO DESERVE IT...YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT.

Then, you can move on and not look back. NC requires a strong will to not look back...

I'm not going to look back. I appreciate you all reading and being supportive to me this week! We can do this! :=)