what I'm dealing with today

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#1 Aug 8 - 7AM
twisted
twisted's picture

what I'm dealing with today

Sigh. Help me deal with this one oh wise ones...

So we haven't been together for over 2 years, but there has been contact over that time of you know more of the push and pull dance. But he texted me last night after over a month of NC, mad, because he saw pictures of me and my new bf on fb at what used to be "our" place. Now, this place is just a common amusment park but it was our thing we did every summer. So he's steaming jealous to see me there with someone else.

His text says "Now I'm mad at you. That place was OURS. Not cool."

So ok...I know he's just being territorial and having a control tantrum, but now I can't help but feel a little bad, because really, it was our thing and it took a lot for me to go there with my new bf. I know the answer is to just ignore it and stay NC NC, but I feel like I may have hurt his feelings. Should those kinds of things stay sacred?

Aug 8 - 5PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

You have so much beauty and

You have so much beauty and compassion that you want to honor the memory of love that you had despite his abusive treatment of you. I understand that and I think you"re amazing. But you owe him nothing. In fact, he owes you a million thanks for making his miserable life beautiful for having had you in it for as long as he did. You should never, ever worry about what that fool thinks or tantrums about. But I would make the suggestion that you remove him from seeing your FB page so this is a non-issue. Let him go. This is not serving you anymore at all. xoxo
Aug 8 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
twisted
twisted's picture

That was a really nice

That was a really nice response, thanks. :)
Aug 8 - 2PM
Journey
Journey's picture

His anger is probably more

His anger is probably more about seeing a pic of you with your new bf than WHERE the pic was taken. That was just the excuse he used to attempt to exert control over you emotionally - manipulate, rinse, repeat. I think its great that you took new bf to a place that must have triggered a lot for you! That shows healing and reclaiming of YOUR rights. Your ex sees his exclusivity over this place as his possession, likely just as he sees you. A normal guy might have emailed to say he felt hurt by seeing the pic, but after 2 years, a normal guy would probably be happy to see you AREN'T hurting anymore and moving on with your life, therefore out of caring for you keep his mouth shut. Journey on...

Journey on...

Aug 8 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

OMG

You hurt his feeling? He has no feeling! Look what he did to you! Did you forget and now he's doing it again! Did his piss mark the spot! Piss over his piss, mark you own spot and fry an egg on it while your at it! You rule now! Hunter
Aug 8 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
twisted
twisted's picture

You're right, he's not hurt,

You're right, he's not hurt, he didn't say "that hurt to see" - he even said himself, he's mad. He's screaming because his toy got taken away, even though he was done playing with it. Wow, didn't even see it like that. I was mistaking him for having a soul again. Thanks all, now I don't feel so guilty anymore! If those things were so special to him he shouldn't have a-holed his way through them!!!
Aug 8 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
twisted
twisted's picture

You're right, he's not hurt,

You're right, he's not hurt, he didn't say "that hurt to see" - he even said himself, he's mad. He's screaming because his toy got taken away, even though he was done playing with it. Wow, didn't even see it like that. I was mistaking him for having a soul again. Thanks all, now I don't feel so guilty anymore! If those things were so special to him he shouldn't have a-holed his way through them!!!
Aug 8 - 7AM
Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture

Sacred

My opion is after how they have used us we owe them nothing Stay strong girl x
Aug 8 - 7AM
Layla
Layla's picture

Sacred?

There is NOTHING "sacred" to a Narc. NOTHING. Be glad you don't share kids with him, or a married name.....thank your lucky stars- trust me on that....... You have a new bf, that sounds great....go where you please my dear.......
Aug 8 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Nothing is SACRED

The ex-Psych prof believed that "War and Peace" was SO SACRED he kept my senior class from reading it... he was afraid that somehow my hot little hands would get onto it. My class was assigned "Anna Karenina" instead. What got to him was that I was NOT upset about it (tho it did lead to some infighting among my fellow seniors) I dismissed it saying "It's full of boring battle scenes." So YES, I drubbed his famous book. He was AFRAID that I'd go to Massachusetts, calling it the land of neurotic Puritans. He'd discourage me (he was from Worcester, my sister validated that it's a depressing place)... but with my sis moving to Boston, well, I guess I had to be like Genghis Khan on a raiding party. He wanted to be so much in control of the conversation ONLY HE could bring up his father... if I did, I was violating his oh-so-sacred boundaries. I was accused of making unwanted advances when I brought up his father's job(???) Don't worry, my brother in-law and the ex-P's father have the same first name. Both went to Harvard. So I've thoroughly soiled that sacred ground. If it's sacred to the ex-P, I act like Attila the Hun or Boadicea. Steal it. Use it. And if you don't want it, burn it to the ground.
Aug 8 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

Twisted, these wise ones are

giving you the straight scoop. Why let him control you any more? He deserves nothing from you. Too bad. So sad. He's mad. Boo Hoo. Too bad he decided to D & D you. Too bad he choose to lose you. Too bad he makes poor choices, including thinking he can BULLY you into staying away from this place or that. Have fun with your new bf! Shout it from the rooftops that you are a lady who knows how to be treated right and that's the only way you'll ever be treated. F the N and his little baby temper tantrum. He's history. As Hunter would say DELETE DELETE DELETE. NC NC NC. Be compassionate...Block him from your FB so he won't have to see how happy you are!!! :} Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT. IT'S A CHOICE. I CHOOSE MYSELF. I WILL NOT GO DOWN FOR ANY MAN, ANYONE!

spinning

Aug 8 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Little baby temper tantrum

Funny. When I broke NC in '09... it was in order to compare the ex-Psych prof to my newborn nephew. For a baby to throw tantrums is understandable, they're immature. But when you're telling a former teacher that his behavior is like that of a newborn... that's something *SPECIAL.* Behavior that's OK for a newborn isn't exactly OK for a guy pushing 50. (He probably got it a couple of months after his birthday, so yes, I am willing to hit below the belt) Yeah, only later I realized it always offended the ex-P&exasperated him to no end if I compared him to little kids, since he HATED children. The ex-P couldn't bully me into staying away from Massachusetts. My sister LIVES there. Now I MUST p*ss on his turf!!!
Aug 8 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
twisted
twisted's picture

That made me laugh, Spinning,

That made me laugh, Spinning, thanks. :)