what if theyre N's amongst us

I recieved support and comfort from reading and sharing the stories here. Narc's are everywhere though. I think of that often. I wonder if the people I am interacting with are narc's. I wasn't aware of these types of people before, or psychopaths before. I assume we will meet and come in contact with narcs again. When I met my EXN I didn't know he was a Narc. Now that I am learning about this disorder and educating my self I am hoping that I can recognize them in the future.

Hey Ladies This creeped me out a bit. I do suffer from PTSD but I had never wondered if they would be here. My ex refused to take responsibilty for his actions. It never occured to me that he would ever "care what I would have to say" so long as it didn't directly affect him. I was thinking a lot before I posted this. All I know is this forum has given me a light at the end of the tunnel. Being able to express my "craziness" and be understood has been life changing. Due to this posting I am now taking into consideration that maybe they are here. I am also choosing to not let the fear blind me. I just want to get better, I want us all to get better and be free. So far I have received nothing but kind words and support through this horrible time. I guess I am feeling a little like my sactuary has been inflitrated lol....just a bump in the road. While narc's may lurk there is strength in numbers. Awareness is key.

One thing to keep in mind. For a time in the initial stages of coming out of one of these relationships, we can experience hypervigilance. This is a heightened sense of awareness to your surroundings. This is a very common symptom of PTSD. Definition: Hypervigilance is one of the hyperarousal symptoms of PTSD and refers to the experience of being constantly tense and "on guard." A person experiencing this symptom of PTSD will be motivated to maintain an increased awareness of their surrounding environment, sometimes even frequently scanning the environment to identify potential sources of threat. Hypervigilance is also often accompanied by changes in behavior, such as always choosing to sit in a far corner of a room so as to have awareness of all exits. At extreme levels, hypervigilance may appear similar to paranoia. However, this is not the same as paranoia. This is an acute symptom that does diminish in time if recognized and treated. http://cbkit.tripod.com/id14.html The probability exists that they have come here. Many may be searching for answers to what this site is as they may have found out information about the victim and want to know what they are doing. The fear of this is what keeps many from speaking out as we can see on the board. We fear the Narc or even others will harm us or think were crazy if they knew we are associated with this community. Therefore we keep it in. I kept it in for 8 months before coming out on the board. In reality, the harm has already been done to us though. Once you become educated in the pathology of the PDI, you understand that these people are evil and they will cause damage regardless of the situation. Even if they do not find you here. They will find means to harm if they feel so inclined. It really comes down to how we respond or react to them. If you choose to live in fear of the next attack or choose to understand that the probability exists and you are powerless. when you understand that you have no control over them or what they may choose to do, you realize that it is not worth the energy to waste time worrying about it. As for those few that come here to toy with us for fun..... Once you are educated to the inner workings of a PDI, it is possible to see signs. Our mods are very keen to this. This is why they are here. Its part of the job and they are good at what they do. We keep a very close watch on our community here. We have had incidences in the past and dealt with them in a swift and direct fashion to avoid any occurrences. We are on top of it at all times. Hope this helps honey. xoxo Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

When you see something that feels "off" to you, please let one of us know offline. We try to read everything, but sometimes we do miss things. Some days we are all such Chatty Cathy's that us mods can't keep up. So really, if you see something that alarms, triggers, or worries you in some way, please let us know.

It's very possible. But Lisa, Betty, MsVulcan and I can see them coming a mile away. I have personally encountered at least one (not on this board). It was a female with a typical abuse story but that's how she got infiltrated into the group and then she exploited the group for money or gifts for "poor her". When the moderators blew her covers . .. oh boy! We ended up figuring her supposed Narc/abuser was the REAL victim, and she the perpetrator. No one will ever know for sure. These people give themselves away QUICKLY, if you know what you are looking for. And we (mods and admins) know what we are looking for. It is VERY rare. There are none here now, I can tell you that. None that are actively or even infrequently participating. There are "bad" people out there, folks. They are so cleverly "bad" lol :( . So clever they blow your mind. This is, in part, what I look for: and mind you, this is based on pure personal experience and would work differently for each person. 1. People who like to "stir up the pot". They enjoy setting members off against one another. They enjoy splitting the group into factions. Us against them. 2. They are often EXTREMELY defensive. We all get defensive, we've been abused and even the most gentle feedback can feel like razor blades when you are down. But I mean defensive and ATTACKING. They "attack back" when they feel defensive, go into personal attacks at the slightest provocation. 3. Vagueness in their story. They will say "I have a psychopath/narc, and he is so evil and cruel and hateful" but don't give very many details why. We all know that we have SO many details, so many examples of the abuse and PDI behavior that we could fill up the board. For a lot of us, the details literally vomit out, and the posts can get LONG. I'm talking about people who DON'T give out those details, just go on and on about what an evil bastard and poor poor me, I'm so abused. There is NO ONE HERE that is doing this right now. I feel extremely confident saying that. I read this board several times a day, I know people's stories pretty well, I pay extremely close attention. This is a fantastic group we have here :) 4. Focus on REVENGE. Lots of revenge fantasies posted on the board, and they aren't silly or humorous. They are CHILLING. Your gut knows when you read them. We all wish our abusers would just DIE and leave us alone, or would drive off a cliff and become a vegetable in a nursing home. Those are normal (and disturbing to feel). I'm talking people who seem to relish the thought, enjoy going on and on and on in great detail (here's where the detail comes in) and when you read it, you want to run screaming or barf or report the post. Again, very very rare. And NO ONE HERE is doing this. Once in a while, there are threads that go on about silly, stupid and often hilarious "revenge fantasies". Naturally we all laugh evilly. I'm not talking about those. There is not a fine line to worry about. It is obvious. I both want people to be watchful and use discernment, AND, I want people to feel safe. The mods and admins here work hard every day to monitor the boards and keep it a safe place for people to spill their guts and just "be". But there really are some looney tunes out there. They are very rare here, of course. But they are in your workplace, in your family (ugh), on the street, and a few of us still have them in our beds. THis is the reality. So this is a good question. When you feel "off" about someone on the board, PLEASE contact Betty or Lisa. On the new board, you'll be able to quickly private message any of us. DON'T take on the person publically. Please do not do this. This creates a tension and lack of safety for OTHERS. Let the mods and admin staff deal with it.

most of them would have to admit to themselves they have a narcissistic problem, and thats very rare. They rather think they are idealists, with lots of drama, a hero from a book with lots of drama, or depressed and in constant drama. But PD??? No way. And even if, I dont give a damn, shall they read here.

My exN knows about this site and I have no doubt he's on it, posing as a victim. It's what he does best....I have not commented on this site because of that reason. He was always in my computer, emails, cell phone, he had my pass codes to my voicemails....if they do that to monitor us when we're involved, they will continue to check up anyway they can when we have gone NC. Beware...and be safe! StartLiving.......to your fullest!

They can kiss my A$$! I am done with their impotent, bottom feeding, sadistic, idiotic, emotionally stunted, slime sucking ways! I ain't gonna be bullied, go crawl back in your hole and suck your thumb or go back to momma your call! I ain't scared of you. AND I apologize to the impotent, the bottom feeders, the sadists, the iditots, the emotionally stunted, and the slime suckers...but as for YOU trolling the board...if you are... We're on to you and we have another board where we talk about you and laugh our butts off about all kinds of things and we've concluded that YES size does matter... So take a long walk off a short pier... :P

I think that is one of the reasons I've been hesitating to post my story. Not that I think my ex-narc would ever look at a site like this, but just that so much of what I would tell is specific to my story enough that any one who knew us would recognize it. I guess we all feel that way and maybe that is why I need to post it. I've begun writing it but I get overwhelmed. Is there a guide for telling our story anywhere on this site other than the two forum topics that head the section? It is my understanding that the new web site will have more privacy from unregistered users, whereas this site can be read without registering. I am a bit confused about the switch and when to use that site instead of this one. Journey on...

i think this as well, a couple of weeks ago i was reading a story, and it didnt ring true... i got such a gut feeling that i stayed off this board for over a week... i came back yesterday ,cos i thought , i miss the board and also what can i do about it..... some of the posts she/he wrote realy creeped me out. some of the questions she/he asked, exn had asked me when i was with him and i said stop trying to suck my brains as his questions were odd, such as what did i do for you to go off me, tell me and i wont do it again, i thought you mean you wont do it to the next woman you mean, all they ever learn is how to treat the next supply,and hopefully not to make the same mistakes....they do tho..lol BECAUSE KEEPING UP THAT NICE FACE IS TOO HARD!!!

I have thought that on multiple occasions. I read that they love to frequent these boards posing as victims