What I did to stay sane......

It has taken nearly 3 years, but I've finally broken (for four months now) from my narcissist. The problem is, he has a new girlfriend who I guess I should love. Why? Because she is most of the reason we couldn't work things out, and now she is getting his junk, not me. But really, even when she gets on my nerves, I really feel sorry for her.

At first, I really hated her. She found out what our favorite activities were, joined them, and over about 18 months, insinuated herself into our lives (especially his). I knew what she was up to, so I was pretty cold to her. However, when she started getting creepy (trolling me on Facebook, coming up and asking me weird questions to get info and just showing up when he and I were studying and just listening to all we said and did, I pretty much broke off relationship with her.

She hung in there, and pretty much wouldn't leave him alone. He and I started having worse problems. Every time I tried to confront him about something, he would appologize for whatever I said he did "I appologize if I....(my comments) but never change. After the first time I ended the relationship after his behavior led me to choose suicidal behavior, he was able to convince most of our friends and a bunch of people who didn't know me that I was crazy, unhealthy, dangerous sort of a Glenn Close wanna be.

He is this type who proclaims a deep faith in God, but has an adoring mother (to the point of being like him standing in for his troubled father) who defends everything he does. He had me believing that no one would believe me and that he could bring the church into our problems on his side. Later, I found out that the university he attends (preparing him for ministry) has had one problem after another with him lying and having bad bounderies with young women. However, he pays his bills and makes straight A's, so he has not been asked to leave.

Over the last year, I would occasionally email him, but he would respond minimally or tell me that I was contacting him too much. As soon as I would stay away, he'd seek me out. Or come to where I worked and seek my attention. The last time he did this, he brought the girlfriend (who did so much to cause us problems) who has also said some vicious and untrue things about me (making me like her...obsessive, stalking etc.)and has been believed. He brought her to the restaurant, made her pay for their meal, and then made a point of catching my eye, speaking, asking how I was, and then being very affectionate with her right in front of me at my job. The next time I saw him he asked me How I was. When i said "Not very well, but thank you for asking" in a 'leave me alone' tone, he looked at me (two days after the above) and said "What's wrong.'

At that point, I sent an email to both of them requesting no further contact from either of them. I then blocked them on any email/social thing. He has had me blocked on Facebook for two years, because he says he 'needs space' but continues to seek me out in person. I think the block is just a prolonged temper tantrum on his part because he knows in the past that it hurt me.

They broke up a week after my no contact email went out. Within a week after that the girlfriend found an excuse to go into my apartment building, stand in the hall and listen to my conversation with another person for about ten minutes...then knock on the door of a friend of hers. I also found her, after I got a newer car, way too close to my car. When she saw me, she did this "Oh crap" face and walked quickly away. Since that time, when I go places she invaribly comes out of her dorm (she can see my apartment building from there) at the same time and walks by with this angry look, follows me to the library, and the last time, stood next to me, staring at me angrilly for about five minutes, and then asked the student across from me if she were about done with her computer. There were other choices availible, and she could have gone to her own campus library. So this was creepy.

It has been my experience that she follows me around like this only when they are having troubles. That day, I suggested to a friend that I might get a restraining order if she continued to follow me around. I'm not sure if she was given heads up about this (the friend has since dropped me)or they are close again, but I've not seen the girlfriend sense.

This is the sort of nonsense I have to deal with. I don't understand it. She is about mid-twenties, beautiful, thin, everything that I no longer am. I'm in my late 40's, overweight, pretty to some, but not to all, and really have no idea why she would be threatened by me especially since I've totally cut this man out of my life.

A long story to ask a question:

Why is this woman obsessed with me out of all women when they have problems? Why not one of his ex-girlfriends that he actually came close to marrying? I know she friended his last girlfriend once she was after him, and then dropped her as soon as she got her foot in the door, so I'm sure I'm not the only one who she has stalked....

I've gone to extreme measures to not be around either him or her....but I fear once they start having problems again....she'll start following me around again. And I've seen how he treats her in public.....she will come up, caress his shoulder, carry his backpack full of books, etc. and he'll coldly ignore her in front of their friends.

In the meantime, there's a whole group of people who think I was the stalker, the obsessive, the nut. When it was her and him doing the crazy stuff. We are all living in the same small town, so what can I do?