what happens when Narc finds his ideal (other) woman... a fellow narc??

11 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 2 - 12PM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

what happens when Narc finds his ideal (other) woman... a fellow narc??

Are they planning to steal my son? I put nothin short past is evil ass..
his continuos contemptuous attitude towards me and her stealy glaring eyes...
I went into the coffee shop where she works. My son knows her well of course. He was excited to see her. She is beautiful and thin but one thing I notice is that she has these empty glazed over eyes. only two peope l I know that have that look is my ex narc husband and her....his new woman...

They are talking about going to Brazil for a month and narc wants me to agree for him to take our son. I said I wouldnt stop him... over my dead body. I said it to qwell the issue for now. He has more mail here that says he owes the bank month worth of payments on credit that he is ignoring. It could be a pipe dream or a one way ticket!!!!!! Somethign is not right!!!

I have been foolishly engaging with him trying to be friends. I have received no end of vile texts and mail that tell me to blatantly fuck off, that his interest lie only with our son and that I am nothign to him and that I deserved him having an affair becasue I didnt do what I was meant to do.
he sent me a text saying 'i hope that when X (our son) is an adult I go many years not hearing form you'
Tell me do narcs know how hurtful there words are?
Do they know that it will trigger us?
Are they purly operating on selfish grounds and saying just what they feel, like a toddler would, or do they know the damage such a short string of words can do?

he said ' I do not want to hear from you, I do not want to be your friend at all, ever, just polite when we have to'
YES yes yes...
I know Its my fault for not being no contact... I shouldnt being lookign for any kind of a bridge. stupid on my part!!!!

I wanted to show my son that 'mummy and daddy' could still be friends, amicable and somehow still there for him as a co-parenting family. We share his care with a stiner school and he is very young still. We have to communicate al ot to arrange lifts for school and who will have him when. I thought we should show our child resilliance by being a team in spite of our break up.. he is clueless.. he has new woman, skinny tanned, perfect skinned, younger exotic woman...

he was so angered that his mum invited me and my son over this weekend. He wants his famiy to shun me too but his mother refuses.
and then I see it all.
the new woman is so high up on his pedastol...
wow, he really thinks he has hit the jackpot of woman..
when we split up and he had no one he sniffed around here like a a dog who couldnt get the smell out of his nose. he refused to get out of my house..
now he is demanding divorce, telling me he never loved me and trying to stamp me out.. To him I am just the 'loins' that brought his son into the world. the peice of meet he fucked and no longer has a use for.
I sure sound bitter.. guess I am then...
what drives these fuckers to such acts of callousness while remaining in such a state of total self preservation!?
Primitive reptillian brains? ... not loved as children? fucked up genetics? I dont know wtf it is but I am trying to operate under forgivness to make the burden easier on my own pysche and MAN its f*king challenging...
Ive cried my eyes out again because I cant believe how much of fall form grace I have experienced since the new woman came. in one way its good because who knows how much longer I woudl have been drawn into the macabre dance of wounded souls with him.. but in another way, I see how fickle he is and its still shocking!

Nov 4 - 3PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I think what happens is you

I think what happens is you are so wanting to do the right thing by your son you have ended up doing the very oppisite . There is no way you can remain in contact with a psychopath and remain sane , and being unstable is not doing the right thing for your son . You cant carry on like this putting yourself in the firing line of his abuse . Why have you got yourself into the situation that you have to still talk to him . You ask if he knows how hurtful his words are .. of couse he does , he is a psychopath , he has no feelings , no empathy , he hurts for fun , he is a sadist that gains pleasure from your pain , and as for he OW he doesnt love her and she will get the same treatment as you regardless of how thin she is !.. It seems that you take one step foward and two back in your healing and the reason why is you are not NC its that simple , if you go NC you will heal . We go back a long way and i have great affection for you .. how are we going to get you to go NC eh? Scoop x
Nov 2 - 2PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Please remember, there is no

Please remember, there is no such thing as "Happily ever after" with a narc. And there is no such thing as an "ideal" woman for a narc.
Nov 2 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

All I can say is the less you

All I can say is the less you engage the better off you will be. They will never make it to Brazil... Worry about you and only you .. What frick and frack do shouldnt concern you.. Just keep your son safe.. Hunter
Nov 2 - 1PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I'm so sorry. :=( For your

I'm so sorry. :=( For your son and you. Your story is very interesting to me. From reading it through, may I make a suggestion? I would really have nothing to do with his family. Yes, that's your son's grandparents, I'm presuming? But, I'd still have nothing to do with his family. I wouldn't SET FOOT in that coffee shop. I wouldn't feed into her or his narcissistic entertainment of tormenting you. And I would NOT LET them take your son out of the country. NO EFFING WAY. I would be silent. No texts. No potential friendship (as you can see, it's impossible with an evil person, and I do think your ex is not only a N, but evil, as well) No phone calls. I would only break that, if it were an emergency. He can contact you if he needs something, but I would only have contact when you're dropping your son off. I would consult a lawyer about your rights to your son leaving the country, pretty sure, that he can't just take your son, without your consent. AND I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER LET YOUR SON LEAVE THE COUNTRY. I too, not knowing him at all however, wouldn't put it past this nutcase, to take your son out of the country for good. Not trying to sound alarmist, but these things do happen in the news. I wouldn't allow it. As far as the OW. Whatever. She's just another pawn in his sick game. And to answer your question, yes, they (narcs) know damn well how to hurt us, and they will do it often if we let them. GO SILENT. STAY NC. Only when exchanging your son with him, would I have dialogue. Let him beg and plead for your time, you needn't be his puppet any longer. I will be praying for you and your son.
Nov 2 - 12PM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

I know people like that, my N

I know people like that, my N cousin and his new woman. He left his before woman in shells, and with this one, they are both empty and closed off, but somehow it works, they "get" each other. They are of the same kind you can say. When they talk, you don`t know who is going to put down who. It`s not "felt" love, it`s more mechanical and on a mental level. They are two of the most closed off people I ever got the chance to talk to (except mommie dearest). I am a natural empath, and people, stragers even, sometimes they simply open up to me, but with them, it`s like they BOTH run from something..past, feelings? Maybe. I assume that is what psychologyst call "alpha personality". In my opninion, this is not "alpha" personality, is more like people who have closed off themselfs, from giving and receiving love. In one word more close to our subject, close to "Narcisists". I wan to be strong, independent, and all of those things, BUT I don`t wish to put myself first, to another people`s expense, and to close myself and my feelings off, because then I would turn into a Narc, right?
Nov 2 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Matching set!

There was speculation that the ex-Psych's girlfriend (now wife) was herself a Narc... my friends during the final D&D somehow ascertained (and one of them was all the way on the East Coast) that she was a Narc. The ex-P would constantly accuse me of being a Narc... and I think he wanted me because he thought I was a fellow Narc. He got disappointed. Talk about *INCOMPATIBLE.* When I met the ex-P's girlfriend, she spoke in a very businesslike way. She didn't seem like a woman in love, who was ecstatic because she was now living with the love of her life. She was a very butch woman-I'm tomboyish, but she took it to another level. I had expected her and the ex-P to put on the Happy Couple/Honeymoon Act. I saw nothing of the sort. There wasn't any physical affection;he abandoned her in front of his colleagues (without introducing her to his colleagues);they went down the stairs arguing. Something I couldn't envy. They looked&acted like fraternal twins (rather than lovers) They both dressed in dark clothes. She had his crew cut. The ex-P and I were often a contrast. Sometimes, I'd be wearing bright clothes;he'd always be dressed in dark ones. I'd be cheerful;he was grim. At least the ex-P&his girlfriend were grim together. "They are of the same kind. They 'get' each other."-I think Ns/Ps can sniff each other out. My maternal grandparents were Narcs. My mother will say "Narcissists find each other." I'd rather two Narcs be together, then have a Narc ruin a normal, empathetic person! Napoleon&Josephine, Ferdinand&Imelda Marcos, Juan&Eva Peron, Leo&Sofia Tolstoy, Elizabeth Taylor&Richard Burton.... Narcs DO end up together. It's the law of attraction, in a perverse way. They have chemistry, in a twisted way.
Nov 2 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

Susan, my point exactly! The

Susan, my point exactly! The new woman of my N cousin and their relationship, is very close to what you described in your reply. No physical affection, they don`t look like two people who are in love, two hearts beating. In fact, they look like two people who screwed others so much, that they didn`t had any one left to! And THEN found each other! I don`t know, that is the impression that they left me. And oh, I could add to your list names like recent Angie&Brad (though I totally love and admire her as an actress), Vivien Leigh& Gerard Butler in "Gone with the wind"! BUT, I wouldn`t trade all these Narcs for a couple like Johnny Depp&Winona Ryder, in their glory days! There you could feel and see closeness, and hearts.
Nov 3 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Call of the Wild

Sometimes Ns/Ps DON'T put on the Happy Lovers Act when they find their fit (maybe because it would be faking? They aren't really happy? They get off on the lack of closure?) When Narcs find each other, they're partners in crime. The fact that the ex-P wasn't physically affectionate with me wasn't the issue;I was his STUDENT. But seeing him treat his girlfriend, who lived with him, the same way, was WEIRD. When Ns/Ps partner with each other, they see each other as soulmates. Take the great author Jack London, for whom Jack London Square in Oakland is named, and there's his Wolf House/Home of Happy Walls in Glen Ellen/Sonoma. Jack London called his first wife, Bess, "mother-girl." She bore his children. Yet she sometimes refused sex for the sake of purity because he would often go to houses of prostitution. Jack London considered his second wife, Charmian, his soulmate. Charmian was into sexual experimentation, and because of her tomboyishness, he called her "Mate-Woman." Jack London praised their love; in his diaries, he said their love was built on rock instead of sand. Even after Charmian married Jack (she had been his mistress when married to his first wife), she still had sex with other men. Jack died at the relatively young age of 40. For Jack London, Charmian represented "The New Woman." So yes, Ns/Ps find each other. "Gerard Butler in 'Gone with the Wind'"-The hot guy from "300"?? I should've watched that movie more closely.
Nov 2 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
ibis
ibis's picture

I disagree that a fellow narc

I disagree that a fellow narc is the narc's ideal woman. However, I also disagree that a narc has NO ideal woman: of course he does! She's blond, starving, has huge fake tits, can't get enough lackluster/violent sex, and has her mouth sewn shut. Except when he wants a BJ... :-) Seriously, here's my idea of his ideal woman: Beautiful but not more attractive than he thinks he is Smart but dumb Strong but weak Funny but not funnier than him Psychic Knows to speak only when spoken to Financially secure so she can support his sorry ass Zero other demands on her attention/time Satisfied with a partner who relies on Viagra to function Enjoys being hurt while having sex Tells him how ginormous his member is Perfect lady whenever on his arm Perfect whore whenever in his bed Into bald dudes with multiple ailments (back, hips, etc) Unabashed admirer of mediocrity
Nov 2 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
Redhead
Redhead's picture

Tehehe:) Soooo true

Tehehe:) Soooo true