"What Happened to Me? - Meaning From Madness"

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jan 11 - 12PM
tresor2
tresor2's picture

"What Happened to Me? - Meaning From Madness"

This is an excerpt from Richard Skerritt's Book, Meaning From Madness. I found some of his work to be helpful in gaining understanding and healing.

To sign up to recieve daily email excerpts: http://tearsandhealing.com/

About the Author: http://dalkeithpress.com/Richard-Skerritt.aspx

"What Happened to Me?
The one person, and the one obligation, that is neglected most by nons is the obligation to one’s self.

We are taught in life to persist. We are taught to finish the job, not to give up. We are taught, in short, to use our will to push ourselves to do the “right” things. And this is a big, big problem for many of us.

Feelings Over Thoughts: The problem with acting in accordance with our will is that it puts our thoughts in charge to override our feelings. The idea is that we know with our thoughts what is right, and our feelings are selfish, weak, greedy, lustful, and otherwise wrong. So our feelings make us want to do things, but our correct and right-minded thoughts tell us what is really right, and will provides the force that makes the thought prevail over the feeling.

And the thing that is so terribly wrong in this model is that our thoughts are never more right than our feelings. Could it be so?

Peck (p. 165) speaks to this very nicely, and the section on Depression and the Unconscious (p. 68) summarizes his view. When we use will to enforce our thoughts, we sicken ourselves - because we are acting in opposition to the basic life drive within us.

Perhaps this is a bit of a leap. But our feelings are the ultimate arbiter of what is right and wrong. They come to us through prayer, meditation, or stillness. They are, in essence, our path or channel to God.

Self-Love comes First of All - When we allow the truth that we find in our deepest feelings to become the guiding force in our lives, we discover that indeed I am of paramount importance. The force of will, pressing us to stay in a hurtful place, is gradually replaced with the truth from our inner knowledge. We are obligated above all to care for ourselves.

This message comes very clear from inside. The depression, the frustration, the anger that our unhealthy relationships cause, all of these clamor for change. They are the feelings - the signals - that we are neglecting ourselves. And ultimately we must respect this obligation to ourselves, or we will perish. We will disappear as our spirits are pressed by abuse into smaller and smaller spaces, with greater and greater pain. Ultimately, our protection mechanisms will relieve this pain - by dissociation, by denial, by altered awareness, and ultimately by death.

Children need us - Last, many of us lose sight of the primary importance to our children of our own mental and spiritual health. We use our will to overcome the pain, resentment, and deprivation of our abusive and isolated lives to provide that intact family that we so value. Yet we lose sight of the damage that is done to us by this choice. We lose the balanced perspective we need to see how our parental interactions and parental models are diminished by the hurt we suffer and the abuse we allow.

Our first responsibility to our children is to be healthy ourselves. We would never choose to be physically unable to care for them. We have the same obligation to stay mentally and spiritually able to care for them. As nons we must fight for this well being. For many of us, it can only be found by leaving the relationship. If this is true, we are obligated to do this - to leave the relationship - if we are to provide the nurture and care that our children need.

The change doesn’t have to be permanent. We can always come back. But we need to make sure that the right changes happen in our partner’s behavior before we do that. And often, holding to a very serious boundary like this might be the only way to motivate a partner to make big changes."

Jan 11 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Tres, thank you for this

...this paragraph holds the key words for me...for all of us: "This message comes very clear from inside. The depression, the frustration, the anger that our unhealthy relationships cause, all of these clamor for change. They are the feelings - the signals - that we are neglecting ourselves. And ultimately we must respect this obligation to ourselves, or we will perish. We will disappear as our spirits are pressed by abuse into smaller and smaller spaces, with greater and greater pain. Ultimately, our protection mechanisms will relieve this pain - by dissociation, by denial, by altered awareness, and ultimately by death." May we all heed the messages and listen to our thoughts... I hope you are doing well, Tres. Most sincerely (not) spinning. AND SO VERY GRATEFUL FOR THAT

spinning