What is everyone's profession here and how is your career going?

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#1 May 3 - 12AM

Arwen

What is everyone's profession here and how is your career going?

I am curious to know where everyone is at with their careers, and actually also to know what exactly people do in this group for a living with the exception of stay at home moms. What are your aspirations, have they been met, has the narc derailed those dreams, and what is being done to recover your realistic career goals?

#2 May 5 - 10PM

sunny 523

Teacher

My school year has been horrible because of the narc. Up and down, then the ultimate D and D right before Christmas break. When I got back to work after break, I was extremely depressed and had severe anxiety. I wasn't eating, and lost about 20 pounds. Thank God I have compassionate administrators. I am so grateful that I am getting out of my funk now!

#3 May 5 - 10PM (Reply to #43)

Arwen

teacher

Thank G-d you are doing better! We just CANNOT let them destroy our very livelihoods. We CAN'T.

#4 May 5 - 8PM

berseba

from berseba to agnesmurphy17

thank you for your comment and info. it does help to know that it is not because we are dumb or uneducated or simpleminded it is just that we fell in love with people who know how to hide their true self perfectly for a time. I once read a statement that goes like this: Bad things happen to good people because good people have a hard time believeing someone can be so bad ...................MAY GOD GUIDE US....... and you are not back five years ago , because you have learned something valuable and you are helping and will continue to help others to see these types of people for what they really are and to stay away from them or be prepared for the consequences and we also ,all of us are really nice human beings for putting up with so much hurt and lies and not doing anything to them , we just left them or they just left us and the crying began mixed with anger and everyother sad human emotion, but that's all . we did not do an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth , we really are great loving,giving,caring persons because we have been put through the test and we passed.....our hearts might be broken but our minds are intact and we still know the difference between right and wrong. A cheer, cheer huraaaaaaaa to us all..............................

#5 May 5 - 2PM

Happy1

I am a Site Manager (manage

I am a Site Manager (manage people). Which is funny to me because I can't manage myself so I don't know what the heck I'm doing here. I know I am stronger than I was, but I still feel like the child he kept saying I was over and over again at times. It's a constant battle.

#6 May 6 - 10AM (Reply to #40)

ally2375

Happy

You are a rock star. We all know it, but YOU have to believe it!

#7 May 4 - 1PM

Hunter

VP Banker. Translates to I

VP Banker. Translates to I know how to count, ( when I have a calculator) Hunter

#8 May 4 - 11AM

terri

I am a director of

I am a director of communications at a medium sized marketing firm. My work is largely creative in nature and I have definitely been affected by all of the roller-coaster stress and anxiety caused by the exN. My job demands that I am focused and always thinking of new ideas and I have to really try hard somedays to get my head into my work. I try to be aware of my moods each day as I think when I'm having a bad day, I tend to stay to myself and not interact as much. I'm really looking forward to the day when I can come to work and not have any thoughts at all about the exN and getting past all of the hurt and disappointments. I also make sure to keep my personal life and all of the N-related problems are never discussed at work. When I started this position, I was still engaged to the exN and my co-workers met him at a couple of parties. I find the least amount said, the best.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#9 May 4 - 11AM

TovaBella

TovaBella's Career

I have a bachelor of arts in mass communication and social issues and a minor in womens studies. However, currently i'm finishing up a bachelors in nursing, going into the E.R. and I'm toying with the idea of becoming a nurse anesthetist...but i'm more useful in the E.R. since i'm bilingual. I decided to switch careers because I want stability and I love to help people and give back :) My ex-N has a real issue with me wanting to better myself. He never said it, but I could tell it bothered him that I could think circles around him...dumbass! They LOVE more than anything for you to be dependent on them, but at the same time they say they want an intelligent woman...they totally contradict themselves. I think I've come to the conclusion, that they just don't want you to be smarter or more successful than them, haha. TovaBella

#10 May 4 - 7AM

dabussard

Accountant

I am a Accounting Manager at a hospital. I thank god for my demanding job, my horses and my Husband (we were separated at the time I meet my N)... My job and my horses kept me grounded thru all of the craziness... I had to keep going to work and I had to continue to take care of my horses... My husband remained my friend and has helped me get away from my N. Although, I must admit that my productivity has lacked a bit trying to stay NC... I find myself thinking of him all the time... And, that is what makes me mad at myself most days...

#11 May 3 - 9PM

TLSM

Designer clothing boutique

Designer clothing boutique owner. And yes that no good sewer-rat negatively affected my business state of mind for past 8 months(was with him for 4.5 years). Never again.

#12 May 3 - 9PM (Reply to #33)

Arwen

TLSM

Sewer-rat. Thank you. That's what they are. Rats who want to eat off the success of a women's hard labor and toil. and then once you leave they leave you with such bad scars that you can't even work anymore. Which, I believe, is what they wanted in the first place.

#13 May 3 - 9PM (Reply to #34)

TLSM

PG

You nailed it! They do it for sport. It is their favorite hobbie.

#14 May 3 - 8PM

Arwen

I am a performer. All of my

I am a performer. All of my narcs have been professional musicians with the exception of the recent one that landed me in this group, but funnily enough, he loves music and ALL he lives for is that one Karaoke night a week at the local bar where he and his friends hang out. He just wants to perform! But I digress...the primary narc is someone I sang and recorded with and made very high-profile recordings with and he began to devalue my singing from the second day we had actually met. He went back and forth from how great i was to :you're not singing that the right way" and things like that. He is a great singer and he would weep when I sang but became SO furious when I finally left his INTENSE abuse, and since he is in my field I have found it nearly impossible to escape his wrath professionally. Since the latest D&D by recent x N, I have become so depressed that I have all of these Bway auditions lined up week after week and I cannot practice, I cannot get myself motivated, all I think about after I do an audition is "when is he coming back", "what did I do wrong", "is it REALLY over", and these kinds of thoughts. I also feel pretty worthless after his behavior towards me which makes my desire to sing pretty low. I am back to recording however and little by little I am trying to engage more in my auditions and I hope to actually start practicing more than ten minutes a day. To be honest, my singing is SO tied up with my narc family that includes my father who was a major singer as well as my mother and all five of my brothers, that I cannot disassociate abuse from singing and the music world. I have recently become very interested in getting a nursing degree because I don't know that I can handle this world anymore. The music business VALUES and TREASURES youth and everything is narcissism in this business. I want stability. and I want to be independent financially from my husband should I really get this divorce I want.

#15 May 4 - 10AM (Reply to #29)

dudette

PG

wow.... just wow really.....

#16 May 5 - 9PM (Reply to #30)

Arwen

dudette

yeah it's incredibly intense isn't it?

#17 May 6 - 10AM (Reply to #31)

dudette

just so PG....

and shame on them for losing us in the first place, stupid idiot.... Clearly their loss, not ours.....

#18 May 3 - 8PM

kgirl

Medical field :)....I am a

Medical field :)....I am a physician assistant. I was a PA in an emergency department/trauma center for 11 years. Now I practice in and run a private clinic. I ended up going to casual status in the ER because the stress of that job combined with the relationship with narcette made my life unbearable at the time.....I go back occasionally to keep up on those skills. My job change was a blessing in disguise....I really love what I do now :) ~KG

#19 May 3 - 8PM

ifinallygotit

I own a business and a bit off topic...

And have been an educator for most of my life. I would have been fired if I was an employee after he dumped me. i was so distracted for months but thank goodness I have a good crew that kept things going. I never became dysfunctional but productivity and motivation got low. It is starting to get better now after 6 months but I am still somewhat distracted. I am also interested in moving soon and starting a new business. I have wanted to move for years but did not want to leave my N behind...ironic that his abandonment had freed me to do what I want. I do not like this city that much and really just did not the have the heart to leave him though I often thought about it - we were like two over bonded kids...maybe that is why he could not talk to me about wanting to start a new life without me - I couldn't have the conversation either...sorry for going off topic. One good thing about my Ex N is that he provided the nurturing and stabilty I needed to develop my business. He was not all bad...I am a good worker but get anxious easily... My confidence is getting better with work but not with men. Still blown away...

#20 May 3 - 7PM

Tinker

career

good question...i'm NC now 7 days only, but in 3 years the N def negatively affected my job. all the angst and anxiety was really bad for my focus. i mean, i have a good job and i'm still ok in it, but i'd spend hours crafting emails to him when i should have been working....always looking for tm's or emails from him. while i've been feeling really sad and anxious the last week, i can see that i'm not as distracted and am looking forward to feeling more on top of things. i couldn't keep it up forever. he was always jealous of my job too, i had to play it down. i got a master's degree after my divorce from my exHN, i knew i'd be supporting my kids. we have to use their insanity to drive us to sanity and taking GOOD care of ourselves.

#21 May 3 - 8PM (Reply to #25)

Arwen

marissa

ME TOO! It's absurd. I am an Equity Union singer/actress with every opportunity in front of me and all I can do is hang my head down from the trauma and wish and hope he would call and knowing it is all illusion but unable to focus on my work. I have a crap marriage on top of his abuse which has made things even worse for me, but honestly I shouldn't be thinking about all of this BS while I am working. can't even get motivated to prepare.

#22 May 3 - 5PM

ShaynasMommy

My profession

By day, I am an administrative professional in a "girl friday" type of role (meaning I answer the phones and any other miscellaneous projects they need me to do). I am also now a wife and a mom to a 14 month old daughter, and expecting another baby girl by July 25th. At nite and on the weekends, I attend online classes, working towards my degree in Health Information Technology. I am not sure exactly where my education will take me, but I am currently evaluating the positions of RHIT (Registered Health Information Technology), Medical Coding/Billing, and CTR (Certified Tumor Registrar). There are so many paths I can take after I graduate that I am overwhelmed, but the answer will come when it needs to. And, sometime in the future when the girls are a bit older, I might consider becoming a volunteer Child Advocate for the family court system in my state. There is a real need for foster kids and kids coming from abusive home situations to get legal support.

#23 May 3 - 5PM (Reply to #20)

Arwen

WOW! And some jerk narc

WOW! And some jerk narc abused someone as beautiful in heart as you. My G-d ONCE AGAIN I say it! They pick only the brightest and the best!

#24 May 4 - 10AM (Reply to #23)

dudette

PG

So true, they really do All the women on this board, and other boards have been nothing but accomplished, kind, beautiful and caring.... Only a sicko would want to D and D any of us... In fact I have the exact opposite issue with my non N husband... he will not let it go.... another story altogether.... Anyway, we are the real thing, la creme de la creme and don't let any man tell you any different.... Rock and roll ladies x

#25 May 3 - 5PM (Reply to #21)

ShaynasMommy

patiencegoal-:)

****BLUSH**** Thanks, your'e awesome too. I guess if that's true then they only pick the best and the brightest to hang on to because it is so terribly difficult to maintain the mask and do the work to reel us up in the first place. Anyone less than that wouldn't be worth their effort!

#26 May 3 - 5PM (Reply to #22)

Arwen

ShaynaMom

That's exactly right...but more to the point...the best and brightest actually are that much higher up for him to devalue. That is the real point. The narc has SUCH a hatred of women being smart, together, independent of men, and accomplished. Women are simply not allowed to be accomplished in their world. My recent ex N told me "you know you could just stay home and sing for me if you and I got married" (I am a prof. singer). He just didn't want me to go out and get that attention. They also pick the brightest and the best in large part to attach themselves to people who they feel make them seem grand.

#27 May 3 - 5PM

Arwen

Oh my Lord - all of you are

Oh my Lord - all of you are SO accomplished and so impressive! I am going to write about what I do after I get the kids to bed. We are all so gifted, it reminds me of this amazing phrase that I saw on a site that discussed narcs and their pathology: "they only pick the brightest and the best".

#28 May 3 - 3PM

dudette

I commission education

for vulnerable young people, including disabled young people... in fact that's how we met, he works for a charity that does disability awareness in schools ( no less, the mofo then gets access to hundreds of primary school teachers) Of course I commissioned his org to do some work for me and then bailed his sorry incompetent arse out of trouble all the time cos he does not deliver anything but it is never his own fault is it? my career with him out of my life is now thriving thank you very much! It was going downhill for a while out of not being able to concentrate as I was so distracted by hos bloody control tactics.... Outside work hours, I am a secretary for the local church's parochial council and a governor a the local school and sing in the church choir As I said to the vicar at least I am busy enough to be kept out of trouble..... My life has been going so much better since I left him, I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like today had I not walked out on the shitface bastarding son of a bitch.... I mean that kindly in a compassionate and Christian sort of way of course LOL

#29 May 3 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

ifinallygotit

dudette

and you are one smart tough woman! i learn alot from your insights...and talents

#30 May 4 - 10AM (Reply to #15)

dudette

ifinallygotit

aw many thanks, I needed this today... Yup I have a history of asskicking so usually sent to the front line to have it out with school heads, prison governors etc.... Always held my own and friends would refer to me as badass hardcore bitch from hell ( that's for kicking the crap out of some sick weirdo who moved in with my cousin and friends years ago but that's another very long story....) Held my own with N too, cannot believe he did not D me earlier to be honest.... as he always said "I never indulged him" too right, and now with my own copy of the 48 laws, I will make sure that this never ever ever happens to me ever again!!! Bring it on dudettes!

#31 May 4 - 11AM (Reply to #16)

ifinallygotit

dudette

I am not so strong as you. he was the dominant one in our relationship even though he is a quiet passive guy. I gave my power away and he still has the upper hand - abandoned me and got away with it - I never went off on him and he is the one refusing to talk now. Also he got his celeb image back which is all he cares about . I do not know how to get my power back. i used to be strong and spunky, not now.

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