What does he want from me?

13 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 26 - 1AM

Reddley

What does he want from me?

Even with NC, he tries and tries...
I emailed him this morning because he told my boss to tell me to over concert tickets. Blah blah blah - last concert of the tour, lifetime opportunity, other people are going so it's a neutral event.
I give in and email him..."Sure I'll go" He says "I sold your ticket to so and so for his sister in law. Sorry. :(" In one day? You told our boss Sunday and I email you Monday morning and it's sold? Now if that isn't just the most blatant smack across my face, I don't know what is. I was furious! I kept it together and replied with "Np". Meanwhile I'm ready to toss my keyboard through the window. Fuck this guy! I ended up taking the night off of work I'm sick to my stomach over this fucknut. He's on vacation so he won't know he pissed me off that much thankfully.

One of his excuses for breaking up with me was that he cares about me too much to hurt me like he hurts other people. He wants to be friends... he pushes boundaries... acts like we aren't broken up while we're at work... I've already confronted and humiliated him once in front of other people that we work with because he persists.

So what's his deal? Does he want me to come out with teeth and claws bared? It's coming to that. He knows I have a wicked temper once that long fuse is used up. I'm furious. Do these guys want to be abused?

#2 Jul 26 - 11AM

lillymarch

I wonder if they work for a reaction out of us...

I leave for work on the weekends for 3 days. My mother-in-law 'rents' a place on our property. (I say 'rents' because she hasn't paid a cent in years and I still pay her PGE cause it's all on the same bill!) She comes over to my house all the times and takes things, or moves things around on the front porch! I even called the sheriff about it. (I decided not to do a restraining order or a harassment charge.) I almost feel like NOT reacting is exactly what makes her the maddest! In the past when I've reacted, it's almost like she gloats. I think you saying: no problem, was the absolute best thing you could have done. Don't let them bother you with their sickness!

#3 Jul 26 - 10AM

deecbee

Wow, the nerve!!!! I am

Wow, the nerve!!!! I am pissed for you! That was a total bait & switch. He wanted to see if he still had the upper hand and he wanted to hit you over the head with the mallet, so to speak. Double-dose of supply... you still accept an invitation from him AND he gets to yank it back and humiliate you. Yuck, I could just spit! I'm sorry this happened to you.

#4 Jul 26 - 10AM

twisted

We often say that narcs know

We often say that narcs know what they are doing and everything is with the intent to manipulate us...but sometimes I honestly think is giving them waaaaay too much credit. I think sometimes they do things seriously without thinking - we know they don't have the same level of empathy and pretty much no awareness of how their actions affect others.....so sometimes I think they just simply DO - like a child. With my narc, I have seen this time and time again....he just DOES...without any method to the madness. I have seen mine literally look like a deer in the headlights when he's been called out on stuff...again, like a child. Full speed ahead, no concept of consequences.

#5 Jul 26 - 10AM

repressed memory

He wants a response.

I believe this is a test. Your NP answer was correct. He's seeing if you still care and where he stands. Remember they will never be vulnerable, that's why he went to the boss. They just want to maintain a temperature guaged relationship--one that won't cause too much closeness. If its revenge they're seeking look out!!

#6 Jul 26 - 6AM

Sparrow

He wants to hurt you. You

He wants to hurt you. You can't abuse him............he feels NOTHING.......no matter what he tells you.

#7 Jul 26 - 10AM (Reply to #8)

heritage

sparrow

Sparrow you are becoming my online therapist! I agree with you.Everything you say on here I have experfienced with him! And I appreciate the truth. No sugar coating for me!

#8 Jul 26 - 6AM

onwithmylife

Reddley

to be practical, any change you can change jobs, locations, whatever, otherwise this could be a loooong drawn out, never ending drama and your life is too short to waste, other wise if you cannot do any of the above, no contact period.cannot be friends with narcs, NEVER WORKS. LOOK at what he is doing to you already, you want this 2 years from now, NOT!!!

#9 Jul 26 - 5AM

really

Ignore him!

He was looking for a reaction, some sign that you care. Good job on keeping your cool. You cannot be friends with these people. They do the same thing to you in friendship than they do in a relationship. It's all the same manipulation, crazymaking, ups and downs, self-centered, passive-aggressive BS as in a relationship. Just not the sex and in a way, that's worse, because they can used THAT against you, too! Mine said the same thing about hurting people to me. You know what? he did it anyway!!! No one ever has or will hurt me like he did! Ignore, ignore, ignore. Take your fury out in a way that's more constructive (working out, target practice, whatever!) and he can't delight in. You rage, he ends up happy for the attention!

#10 Jul 26 - 6AM (Reply to #4)

Reddley

I work with him so I have to

I work with him so I have to maintain respectful behavior. As far as friends go, with friends like him, who needs enemies. Oh don't you worry about the sex part of that... I've maintained this one absolute truth since the day we broke up... I had a better sex life with a piece of plastic. That is ONE thing he could NEVER fake. Emotional attachment/connection during sex. I would have been better off with a blow up boyfriend. At least it wouldn't have bitched at me for touching him after sex. What the hell was I thinking? Kickboxing sounds like a good idea. I wonder if he'll volunteer his head for practice.

#11 Jul 26 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

really

Oops

Sorry, I missed the detail about you working with the idiot. I started running last year (age 45), never having done it or anything very physical before. In my mind, I was stepping on his face with every step I took. Kickboxing sounds awesome. Doubt he'll volunteer his head - HaHa. But you can always pretend it's his head!!!

#12 Jul 26 - 1AM

dazed

Just a response is all he

Just a response is all he wants. It's just supply. I don't think he wants to be abused. He just wants to irritate--he does what he does best. So don't give him any reaction. Nothing! You did great with the NP and since he's away you can cool off and have a big sigh of relief this week. Enjoy it while he's gone. BTW, I think your reaction to the ticket thing is totally normal. I would have felt the same. Honestly, I don't know how you do it. I work at the same company as my N but I am able to avoid seeing her. If I were in the same place and saw her everyday, I just couldn't handle. Such a drama queen! Anyway, my point is that what you have to endure is just incredible. Breaking up because he cares too much to hurt you like he did others? What? Sounds like crazy talk to me. Reddley, you don't need this. Being happy alone or finding someone who is good to you is better than this bozo.

#13 Jul 26 - 4AM (Reply to #2)

Reddley

I am trying. I really am. I

I am trying. I really am. I wanted to tear him apart in that email. It took everything I had not to. My goal is to use this next 2 weeks to muster up strength because he'll have been gone 2 weeks and will have had no NS from anyone. He has no outside friends AT ALL. No ex wife he can harass, all of their mutual friends bailed on him because of what he did to his wife... even his own brother bailed. I just hope when he returns it's all about that concert and not one thing about me. I'm praying!

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