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What do you think of Narc's comment to me?

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#1 May 29 - 3PM
onwithmylife
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What do you think of Narc's comment to me?

hi all, curious to get your opinions, my ex narc said to me one day some years ago,while we were waiting at the checkout stand at the supermarket, out of the blue,"there are things about me you do not know " I said to him then why don't you tell me and he just shut up and it was never discussed again.

May 29 - 10PM
hopeful43
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Mine said something similar

In the first 3 weeks with him he complained that i was not affectionate enough, even though he was the one that said he did not want a serious relationship. I sent him a text that said 'i can be more affectionate i just have to keep my guard up because my heart has been broken so much'. He sent a text back that said 'Dont let your guard down around me'. I instantly responded 'what does that mean?' he did not respond back, but the very next morning i was leaving on vacation he sent at text saying 'I hope you have a nice time on your vacation'. Very much mind games!!
May 29 - 9PM
cluelessuntilnow
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honestly these are very very

honestly these are very very scary men. I think the things that you do not know, you do not want to know.I would take it as a warning. My x said "I have done so many bad things that you do not know about", and I think that was a warning and bragging in the same breath. Scary, messed up, dangerous men-period.
May 29 - 4PM
Susan32
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Actions speak for themselves

The ex-Psych prof said the same thing. He'd do the whole "there are things you don't know about me","you don't know the REAL me","I'm a happy man" (after raging at me in front of everyone-okay, people assume he's sadistic) and this is the one that has gotten LULZ on the Internet "You don't appreciate my masks." I told him I didn't appreciate his masks. I went into baroque detail about how he had enjoyed seeing me suffer, how he was a lying, arrogant bully, and when I mentioned his parents&his sister, he commanded "Think of me ONLY as a teacher!"-uh, yeah, I think I would've had an easier time taming the Mississippi River. I SHOWED him that I KNEW him very well. I brought up HIS weaknesses, his insecurities, and I SAID IT WITH A SMILE. I could've done the Cheshire Cat, with only my smile in the thin air. I explained his ACTIONS to him. I said "You're a teacher. It's not your job to tell students how to think and feel." He ended the conversation being his own Judas, betraying himself, saying it was all an act. There was NO ESCAPE for him. No exit. His emotional boundaries were mine to violate. With pleasure. It was all about finding his vulnerabilities, his weaknesses (which I knew well) and like a laughing hyena, digging in.
May 29 - 4PM
Sooziel4
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part of the crazy-making

I found my ex-narc often wove in some truths with the bs. It was usually crazy-making stuff to make me insecure and I got the feeling he thought I was so clueless I wouldn't see it as a truth. I came home from work one day and he was at the computer and he scornfully said "you don't even know what I do on the computer all day!". I had a pretty good idea he was on dating sites looking for my replacement. It finally happened....2 days ago. It is my mantra and has been even before he left....bottom line, he is devaluing, he will leave. I miss the fun times, I am in mourning but I will never have contact with him again. They are always pulling your chain to make you insecure. That's what he was doing.
May 29 - 4PM
Alibi_10
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OWML

... another example of crazy narc speak because they are so very SPECIAL. Mine also said something similar. "You don't know me, you will never know me" and also "Don't presmune to know me. Don't assume you know what I will do or think because you will get it wrong every time !!" - well that was easy for him to say, because he changed the rules all the time, so even if I did get it right, he would change the rules so that it was wrong! In fact, being involved with a narc is like being asked to play a game where you don't know the rules. Which is why you can never win. I think part of the problem I had with letting go was that I am quite driven, and I am not a quitter, so it goes against the grain to say - yes okay, I am happy to lose this one. Anyway - why on earth did he say that to you in the supermarket queue?!! Crazy, quite crazy x
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #12)
Sooziel4
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Mine said the exact same thing

OWML..mine also said "you don't know me,you'll never know me". After one evening of threatening to leave for my "co-dependent behavior" I started crying which didn't phase him but he said "as long as you are weak I will never leave you until you become strong".. Creepy. That is exactly what happened. He could tell I was starting to wise up and he left. He used to tell me that people "leave with their feet and if I decide I can't take you any more I will be very nice and when you are gone I will pack up and leave. Why should I put myself through any hassels before I leave? I told him that was cowardly. He said he wasn't. He had to have a separate bedroom and bathroom upstairs and kept his things in the garage ready to go at any time. When he would go on trips he would load his vehicle with everything and I never knew if he was coming back. It was always devastating. This would be after wonderful times together and he would go into a nar rage if I asked him when he was conming back. He kept saying how many times do you think I can put up with you asking me this? I was living in hell dancing with the devil.
May 29 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
onwithmylife
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Soozie

WOW, he is a creepy one, likes the women dependent and weak on him. I think they are really trying to tell us who they are in a very indirect way. yours really did have one foot and his belongings out the door, i always felt like mine had one foot out the door at all times, never felt like a partnership, with the exception of when we tired to buy a house together and he was salivating to get my money for the house. He got real angry and mad at me when i told him I was going to see a real estate lawyer about protecting my assets in case we split, he had no money at the time to put in a house. I was the one, he truly did not care if i was left penniless in the event we broke up...YOU really were in hell, dancing with the devil, I was so anxious, i cannot imagine how you felt! You are so right, pulling your chain to make you insecure.
May 30 - 5AM (Reply to #15)
onwithmylife
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Soozie

sex was the glue that kept us together for so m any years even up till the end, when he had ED problems but that was due medicine, but still we pleasured each other in different ways.I do think he was telling me he was a different person than the man I loved so much. I was rereading old letters from him, all hateful when things went down and I stood up for myself, but when i did not contact him for nearly 4 months some years ago, he sent me another letter and it was so heartfelt and beautiful, it was like reading letters from 2 different me, split personality. I think the narc i went with, knows of his personality sickness but hides it in the recesses of his mind and lashes out at those who may try to expose it.
May 29 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
Sooziel4
Sooziel4's picture

No end to creepy

I was always apologizing for his crazy broken rules - by me! Then he would use these broken rules, didn't know what they were til I broke them - to threaten to leave me after we had a wonderful few hours together. He would tell me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and then say I needed to understand he was just a temporary man, a change agent. I am just starting to read about the sex problems these guys have. It doesn't surprise me they are porno hounds and have ED from too much masturbation. Mine had ED and said it was from sports injuries as a kid. He could very seldom get much pleasure from sex. Said he must like it as he worked at it so hard! He worked at it hard for me to keep me as supply but didn't do much for him. He also was very small which couldn't have helped his already low self-esteem. It was frustrating to have sex with him and of course as time went by it becamse much less and none at the end. He withdrew all sex several days before he went on a "trip". I figured he was saving his energy for OW. He was not handsome, big belly, 64 years old, no money, stingy, lazy, health problems. laid about the house all day and ate tons of food on my dime. He drank caffeine by the gallon in coffee, sodas, unhealthy diet. I loved him for his charm and then he got the narc hook in my brain. Talking to all of you and reading what you say here is a Godsend for me. It really focuses reality and lifts my depression. My family never met him (they are in a different state) but they hated him from the things I would tell them he would say and do. He began to alienate me from them always cutting them down until I actually started to side with him. Now that he is gone they are coming back - and relieved. He would get little contract jobs while he was with me that never made much so he stayed. Once he landed a long-term job he called me from out of town and said "sweetie, this will be a trip to Europe for us". I knew when he said it he would keep me excited about that, have me pack my bags and go with someone else. These guys aren't that unpredictable once you get it and I don't think they're that complicated, just screwed up and twisted, sick, angry. Its like they look at the world with a kaleidoscope view and don't ever get how things work with healthy people. They think everyone is sick like them.
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
onwithmylife
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Alibi

I think he was trying to tell me he is crazy,like findingme again said, but maybe knew I would drop my groceries and run the opposite direction?!!!!
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
Alibi_10
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Supermarket Mania

.... in hindsight, you should have put his head on the barcode scanner and said "Ah - spoiled item. I know all I need to know now !!" - don't you just love hindsight? x
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
onwithmylife
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Albi10

You funny woman, i just got my second laugh of the day, thanks!!He did say to me once, when a pint of ice cream fell out of his overstuffed freezer and landed on my skull,'I am nuts aren't I ?"I should have said yes, but was too polite damn it!
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #10)
Alibi_10
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Hindsight

... maybe we should start a thread on this. Yes ... way too polite :o) ... seems that being around food and food-related counters triggered his crazy talk. Reminds me of when mine said "I haven't got short man syndrome have I?" .... if only, if only, if only I had looked around and said "Who said that?!" Damn it - see? Hindsight. x
May 29 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
onwithmylife
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Albi10

FUNNY, Albi, you are so right about hindsight and here I could not say,'you are right,you are nuts'yours had a short man syndrome, mine had a 'is my penis big enough syndrome', he actually showed me an article from the newspaper about penis enlargement one day when we were driving and I looked at him like he was crazy and said'what you have a perfect size penis', such gross insecurity and low self esteem, sad.He was also a hoarder of food that is why his fridge/freezer was so stuffed and he was the only one living there, he could feed any army for 6 months, no problem.
May 29 - 4PM
findingmeagain
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He was telling you that he

He was telling you that he was crazy thats why he didn't discuss it again. I strongly believe these guys have split personalities seriously. He must've been about to change to his other person in his head smfh.
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
onwithmylife
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fingingme again

Thanks so much. I so needed a good laugh today!! Like he was ready to morph into another person, absolutely NUTS!!
May 29 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
findingmeagain
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Anytime luv after all we've

Anytime luv after all we've all been thru we need a good chuckle every now and then.
May 30 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

I may be wrong. I think I

I may be wrong. I think I have read where narcissism was classified with the split/multiple personality at first. I think narcs do have multiple personalities just because they do not know who they are, what they stand for. There is no foundation for them to build on. My Dad is a narc because he was pampered and enabled to be master of the universe. My exhusband is a narc because of neglect and abuse. Either way, they were never taught and disiplined to learn the laws of the universe. I now realize my narc dad groom me to stay with my narc ex. Ignorance was bliss, but knowledge is power. I hope I have claimed my power for good and never let ANYONE take it away.
May 30 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Sooziel4
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split/multiple - wouldn't be surprised

Redhead 1, I have learned there are degrees and combinations with other disorders as well. The bottom line is they all cause craziness and extreme pain. Its amazing how they all pretty much do the same things. I can't stop thinking about mine today and I know he is not giving me a second thought. He just sneaks into my thoughts like, I wonder if he's like this plant for the living room when he gets home. Ouch! He's not coming home. He described extreme abuse by both parents (alcoholics) and he said his father was a narc. Now that I know what narcs really are I know he didn't have a clue what one was. It sure looked like a multiple personality to me when he came home from a work trip and went into a narc rage over the questions I asked him on the phone while he was gone, like, when will you be back. What is your work like there? He told me I didn't have any sense at all about how to treat a man on the road and you never ask questions like that. When he got back he threatend to walk out right then unless I promised never to ask him questions when he was on the road again. He would tell me what he wanted me to know. Then when he did tell me things I was curious and ask a question about it and BOOM! Threats to leave again. He finally called me in the grocery story a few nights ago and was in a narc rage and told me to move his things to public storage because I had asked him if he was comning back. I had insulted him for the last time. Actually, I pretty much figured out he had found someone else and she was finally ready to take him in. Sounds like split personality, doesn't it. BTW - I was a redhead when he met me and he worked me over about the color until I now have a completely different color and cut. Going back to the old me ASAP. I was thinking of making a list of all the things that were not right about me in his opinion but I can just say "it was everything"..