What do you do on VERY BAD days?

27 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 9 - 11AM

hitandrun

What do you do on VERY BAD days?

Thought things were gradually getting better and I found the darkness creeping in late yesterday afternoon. Today I am a mess.

Can't focus, crying, jealous as hell of the exN-spath's overnight success(and I am not exaggerating). Upset that I lost my friends.

Should be thankful that I have family who loves me, a roof over my head, a business that could flourish if I could focus, and awesome little felines. But all I feel is self pity. Like I want to roll up in the fetal position and just sleep forever.

This crying is getting old. Why can't I get it together?
Don't wanna call people because I am sure they are sick of hearing me be a baby...hell I'm sick of it. I can't seem to get over that the ExNArc-spath get's the prize and I get the pile of sh*t. And I know that is immature, but that is where I am.

Thankfully, I have an appointment with my therapist today.

#2 Jun 10 - 4PM

Jessika (not verified)

You know what helped me feel better

I used to watch those "healing the aftermath of pathological relationships"--- a DVD by Sandra brown. There were days - like in December that I felt like I was hanging on by a string- crying, hurting, angry he was living an amazing life ... but those DVDs helped me so tremendously. I also used to listen to her CD every night as I fell asleep, as well as journal and sit out in the backyard-- trying to appreciate nature. Those things helped a bit btwn therapy sessions. Don't know if it would help you - but it truly made a difference for me. xoxoxox Jessika

#3 Jun 10 - 4PM (Reply to #23)

Jaded

hi Jessika

I have crying and can't do things too. Not every day anymore but still have very bad days - especailly when its along time until I can see my therapist. Like four days now and it seems like forever which is why I'm glad I found here. I am interested in those DVDs that you mentioned and CD's, I can afford therpy once or sometimes twice a week. What are they and are they expensive and who is Sandra Brown?

#4 Jun 10 - 7PM (Reply to #24)

Jessika (not verified)

Hi Jaded :o)

Sandra Brown is the therapist who wrote the book- "Women who Love Psychopaths." Honestly-- this woman was amazing and saved my life (emotionally). I had to go to her Retreat house in North Carolina for 5 days in November- bc my pain and PTSD/depression was so intense and overwhelming that I was no longer able to manage. If you can go to the Retreat House I would recommend you go --it was the best thing I did for myself in this healing journey. The focus of the Retreat at the time I went was "Healing the Aftermath of Pathological Relationships". It was healing being with 4 other women who were going through the same pain and disbelief as me ... had just been D&D from a man we loved so much and felt lost. Some of their stories were far worse than mine (one woman spent her last bit of money to come and needed 20$ so she could have something to eat on the plane ride home)... AND some were better off than me (emotionally) - as in just dating a pathological for 4 months with no financial impact. But it was a very healing place to be. Very! Sandra is very empathic-AND she really tells it straight and to the point-- the truth. I can't say it didn't hurt to hear certain things - but ultimately it was allowing all those truths to sink in that eventually started to move me forward. Eventually. I think this is a link to her retreat house (she gives the treatment personally--- well at least she did while I was there) http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/educational-ctr/retreats-2#PLR-Brevard Before I went I was so bad I knew I had to take a break from work and completely focus and address what was going on with me - the intrusive thoughts, inability to sleep, cognitive dissonance, intense feeling of betrayal, letting go of the dream life I thought I was going to have with him bc I loved him and then swallowing the hard fact that it was all a lie. My posts to the board during that time were definitely reflecting a scared (will i ever get better), confused, anxious, depressed woman. My heart was broken. So... while I was there I brought home the DVDs and Hypnosis CD. I think this link works-- http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/3-pack-dvd-combo There were MANY dark days that I would put them on and just sit and cry trying to make sense of the pain I felt. By the time the videos were over I felt a little better. I haven't used them since February, so I have come a long way. They are in lecture format- however she is giving full explanations of the type of women who tends to get involved with such men (loyal, friendly, extroverly, loving, trusting, empathic, etc.) and of course she discusses and explains the pathology and how they never change. I hope that stuff helps. xoxox Jessika

#5 Jun 11 - 11AM (Reply to #25)

Jaded

Thank you Jessika!

I am so happy you spend time in responding to my asking about these things. That was so nice of you I need all the help I can get. I will go research them. And I just read your post somewhere else about people who have many hours of experience being more qualified for therapy and I agree! I am seeing a Dr. now and it is first time I have been getting the help. And she is helping me find stuff near where I live too - like how I can apply to get help from governement to get money for my kids food and stuff. I have panic attacks so hard for me to go out and do al t his stuff. She laso says I have PTSD from my husband. Just like someone who was in a war! Makes it hard to do normal things like I used to a long time ago. I was reading some articels Sandra brown wrote from this website and she seems to be really good at knowing what we are going through and what to do. I will get some of her stuff if I can.

#6 Jun 11 - 3PM (Reply to #26)

Jessika (not verified)

LOL Jaded ---

it was no problem responding!! As you will see- put a question, concern or thought on the board and this group of women with supertraits (empathy, compassion, friendly, extroverted, etc) will come running!! Jess!

#7 Jun 10 - 3PM

Jaded

Oh Gosh I know how you feel

I feel terrible for you and I know how you feel, I don't have advice as I am new to this whole thing and have only been in real therpy now for about 2 months - but I feel what you do to. Really the only thing that keeps me going is my kids, and I am not up for them a lot.I love them and they are reason I keep going and I try not to cry in front of them. I feel sick that their dad is a Narcisist now I know what that is. I am so glad to have found this site and women who are going through same thing. and also I just found out that I can edit my posts and I am horrible typer so I will try and be more careful now and go back and fix stuff if I can. You all write so well!

#8 Jun 10 - 6PM (Reply to #20)

hitandrun

Jessika

I have the CD and need to start listening to it MORE. Before bed makes sense. Will look into the DVD's. Thank you : )

#9 Jun 10 - 7PM (Reply to #21)

Jessika (not verified)

sure

You're welcome!

#10 Jun 10 - 2PM

smileyfacepr

hitandrun

Oh hitandrun, I hear u loud and clear, I have cryed for 1 yr still do some days, it will be 1 yr in 2 days from last contact..what a hell of a yr..I also just wanted to roll up and disappear and stop that annoying constant crying..geez..I couldnt stand myself... I also knew everyone was sick of hearing me too thats when I isolated mtself..but guess what?? 1 yr later, Im still here, cry alot less and am striving to survive, I still miss him but remind myself of the way he made me feel. Now im looking for something positive for my future, I dont know what it is yet (no idea) but at least im looking in a different direction than I was a yr ago!!! Keep ur faith and ask for guidance...it will get better!! hugs and understanding for u!!

smileyfacepr

#11 Jun 10 - 2PM (Reply to #18)

smileyfacepr

hitandrun

and as far as what u do on very bad days???? U just cry if u have to, sleep if u want to, scream if u need to eat everything u want that makes u feel better, watch alot of Golden Girls for laughs and Sex and thr City just anything that makes u crack a smile and b4 u know it its tomorrow!! Hang in there!!

smileyfacepr

#12 Jun 9 - 2PM

Steph

I'm sorry you are having a

I'm sorry you are having a crap day. I know on days that I felt that way, nothing helped other than just letting the tears out. I know how it feels when you don't want to call someone cuz they are sick of hearing it. You have everyone here though to vent to. I think everyone here understands. I hope your therapy session goes well. Hugs.

#13 Jun 9 - 9PM (Reply to #12)

hitandrun

Good advice for the "bad" days

I just read this and wanted to share it with you all. It is from a book called Rebuilding from Depression...the author has an interesting blog as well. "Remember this--a bad depressive cycle is all about keeping your head above water. On bad days it is often all you can do to survive the day doing only the minimum activity required. Forget about outings, forget about moving the garden hose,survive the day. Keep your head above water. When the day is over and you have not drowned, it's a win." Guess I had a win today : ) Thanks everyone. Much love to you all.

#14 Jun 9 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

Barbara (not verified)

depression

can you give the URL of that blog? depression is a huge component of PTSD ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#15 Jun 9 - 11PM (Reply to #15)

hitandrun

Rebuild from Depression Blog

I actually got the quote off the read inside feature from Amazon of the book. The blog has a lot of things about nutrition on it(not there yet!) Would be more than happy to post other depression resources I have found to be helpful...all free online. Here it is: http://www.rebuild-from-depression.com/blog/

#16 Jun 9 - 11PM (Reply to #16)

Barbara (not verified)

thanks hitandrun

I just want to put it on my blog: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#17 Jun 9 - 9PM (Reply to #13)

Steph

hugs to you for winning

hugs to you for winning today:)

#18 Jun 9 - 2PM

Barbara (not verified)

hitandrun

crying is very cleansing and it can go on for a while just one minute at a time... it takes a long time but you will get better. I promise let us all know how you appointment went ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#19 Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

hitandrun

Appointment

Just got back from appointment. Boy do I feel like a whack job. She wants me to have a consult with a psychiatrist(pro bono or I could never afford it) to make sure I am on the right meds.Guess that is not a bad thing. I also gave her the book Women Who Love Psychopaths to read. She asked me if I could just let this be for awhile and let myself cry. Don't think I have much choice...it has a mind of it's own. But depression is not a new concept for me. I believe I have never gotten over the initial trauma of my mother's death when I was a child and it just went on from there. Layer upon layer of stuffing it...the show must go on! This last trauma, with the exNarc-Spath seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. At this point I am willing to do anything, including doing nothing, to heal.

#20 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

Barbara (not verified)

hitandrun

yes - this sort of healing is like peeling an onion... after a while all that trauma leads to Complex PTSD like I have. It runs under the surface for years & years and we tend to blame ourselves. It leads to all sorts of acting out behaviors as well as repressing things we should avoid or pay attention too. Stay the course... there is no quick fix for this but if you stand in truth & rigorous honesty with yourself - you will adapt and go forward with your life. ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#21 Jun 9 - 12PM

enoughalready

hitandrun

So sorry you feel so bad today. I've had those days too, I know how u feel. I avoid all places he might go so I won't be irritated or angry. I forfeit working out so I don't risk seeing him or his friends when I'm feeling down. What helps me sometimes is when I think XN views me as an object and everyone else he's with and therefore, why should I waste my precious life being down when all he is, is a worthless POS. Anyway, there will be better days down the road:-)

#22 Jun 9 - 12PM

broken23

some days are just bad. let

some days are just bad. let your self have them. when the crying wont stop try and go somewhere public. get a coffee or go to a bookstore, zone out on tv. we all have the fetal position moments...i sure know i do. hugs.

#23 Jun 9 - 11AM

Klarity Belle

Be gentle on yourself Hitandrun

Please don't give yourself a hard time. Sometimes our own inner critic beats us up almost as badly as the N's we've been in relationship with. You have been through a really rough time, this is where you are at now but you will heal. Most importantly be as kind to yourself as possible and tell that critic you are not immature - you have been duped, lied to hurt and wounded and have more tears to cry for now. I hope your therapy session helped and you have a good T who really gets it and validates you as you deserve. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

#24 Jun 9 - 11AM

happydaysahead

I'm in the same boat today :(

Just hang in there. I have been doing really good too, but today, just yuck !! Tomorrow will be better !! Just focus on all the good things you have. Not trying to sound lame, I just know how you are feeling. But we gotta stay strong !! I hope the day gets better for you !! Smiles and hugs to you !!

#25 Jun 9 - 11AM

GIJ

This worked for me yesterday

http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/category/thesurvivors/survivaltips I know it's hard. Up and downs like this are hard, but to be expected. It won't always be like this. You are doing all you can do. Glad you have an appointment today. Sending you a hug. Take care. GIJ

#26 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

hitandrun

happydaysahead and GIJ

Thank you : )

#27 Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

Janet

So sorry you are in so much

So sorry you are in so much pain. I have no advice, just really sorry. Peace. J

Peace. J

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews