What to do when you are falsely accused

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#1 Mar 25 - 7PM
loveofmylife
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What to do when you are falsely accused

Well my N has falsely accused me of more things related to our business. Unfortunately I have to talk to him tomorrow.

I have already given him the facts of the situation, but he still chooses to falsely accuse. He has always told me he never trusts anyone. But of course in our case, he told me for the last 20 years that we have a great foundation of trust and comfort that was rare. And I agreed! I thought we had this too.

But ever since I found him out (which did involve email reading), he has reason not to trust me now....

But now he also doesn't trust me on ANYTHING! I have been D&D.

But how do I even respond when I've given him the facts and he still chooses not to believe me?

Mar 25 - 10PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

The bible says - this helps

Perhaps some of you have had this experience. Someone who has deliberately sought to slander you, to besmirch your character, or ruin your reputation, has unjustly accused you and you know just how this man felt. Furthermore, these people are wholly unjustified in this attack. He says they do this without a cause, at least as far as the psalmist David can see, and we take him to be an honest man. He sees absolutely no reason for their accusations. They are afflicting him, upsetting him, and attacking him without his having given them any reason to do so. What shall he do? Well, what he does is beautiful. He commits the whole matter to the Lord in prayer. This closing prayer of the psalm is a marvelous picture of the right attitude, the right reaction, and the right way to handle this kind of a situation. Notice that the first thing he does is to commit the cause to God. But you, O Sovereign LORD, deal well with me for your name's sake. Here is a man who understands how life operates. He understands the truth behind the admonition of Scripture, both in the Old and New Testament, 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord (Deuteronomy 32:35; Romans 12:19). Vengeance is mine! Don't you try it; don't you attempt it. Don't try to 'get even,' because if you do, you'll only make the matter worse. You will perpetuate a feud that may go on for years, even for centuries, destroying, wrecking, damaging others, and creating all kinds of difficulties both for them and for you. No, vengeance is mine, says the Lord. I am the only one who has the wisdom adequate to handle this kind of a problem. The psalmist recognizes that and commits the cause to God. But he also understands that God's name is involved in all this. When God's people are being persecuted, then God is also being persecuted. It is up to God to defend His name, not people. Recall that when Saul of Tarsus was converted on the Damascus road and the Lord Jesus appeared to Him that Saul cried out to Him and said, Lord, who are you? Jesus said, I am Jesus whom you are persecuting. Saul was persecuting the Christians, but when he was persecuting them, he was also persecuting the Lord. God is involved in His people's trials. God is involved in what happens to His own. The psalmist, understanding this, commits the whole cause to God and says, God, you deal with it. It is Your problem. Your name is involved; you handle it on my behalf for Your name's sake. Is that not a thoroughly Christian reaction? Father, forgive me for striking back when I have been falsely accused. Help me to commit my cause to You, trusting that You know how to work these things out.
Mar 25 - 11PM (Reply to #10)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveof...

Well, my experience with an N, and reading so many other stories from the people here, is about as close to the whole concept of good vs. evil that I've personally experienced. And if your religion gives you the strength you need to fight this evil in your life (him), then by all means, utilize it. But keep in mind that 'evil' in this case is better at the game than we are. And what is going to repel it (him) the most is showing him nothing but blatant indifference while you're around him. When you are angry, sad, or need to vent, please come and talk to us.
Mar 25 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

red flag...

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2009/02/red-flag-vandalizes-others-images.html
Mar 25 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveofmylife

he doesn't care - facts mean nothing- he will continue to lie you must find a way to CUT HIM OFF TOTALLY - talk to others at your job honestly - tell them he's gone - he's abused you - he's counting on YOUR FEAR to control you... SCREW THAT - let everyone know, professionally - what he's pulling and cut him off... nothing beats sunshine & fresh air to disinfect abuse. (Psycho Boy abused and smeared with impugnity until I put all the paperwork out there - for the WHOLE WORLD to see - including the verifications - and then he went crazy - did illegal things and I got to bust his ass... DO THE SAME... do not let him scare you... HE HAS NO FEELINGS AND DOESN'T CARE... time to CUT BAIT!! he's yanked your chain long enough...) STOP ALL COMMUNICATION WITH HIM... PERIOD ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 25 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Barbara

The hard part is, now he is threatening to tell everyone that the reason why I am getting rid of him is because he refused to give me the relationship that I wanted. and he is very smug in saying that if I let him go, he will be honest with everyone and say "scorned woman - she wanted a relationship with me and I turned her down. And she read my email and invaded my personal privacy...and she violated my boundaries...blah...blah"
Mar 25 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

who cares

let him. that's right - let him. if anyone questions you just say to them "does that even make sense considering what you know about me? and, by the way - are you as tired of hearing about scorned women as I am... it's as if we women aren't allowed to be angry when someone tries to trash our integrity and professionalism." Then sit back and act like you could CARE LESS. he's taking up rent in your head with fear.... who CARES what he says... just chuckle and say "wow, he really can spin things can't he" with a BIG OLE' SMILE on your face. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 25 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Cut Bait Like Barbara Said - Sunshine & Fresh Air Will Disinfect

I have to agree with the expert, Barbara, - it's time to cut bait at all costs. What is your alternative? To sign a 5 year contract with this Narc BULLY because you're scared he'll smear you?!? He's gonna smear you anyway, no matter what you do. Sooner or later. Guaranteed. Either he smears now, if you cut him loose, or later, if you keep him around, whenever he gets pissed off at your down the road and wants to bully you some more. That's what bullies do. This is because he lacks integrity, and is not a good person inside. That much he has made very clear. If he truly cared for you and loved you, he would never threaten to smear you. That is not love. His threats towards you harmful, and quite the opposite of love. He is demonstrating bad intent towards you. You don't know what lengths he will go to, because you don't really know him, unfortunately - the REAL him. Cut him loose NOW, deal with this situation with the investors NOW, no matter how uncomfortable that may make you, rather than continue the madness with the Narc Bully, in a 5 year business deal. It will only get worse over time with this Narc if he is in your life in any capacity. You'll figure out how to reply to and/or refute anything the investors may ask you after the Narc talks smack about you to them. In actuality, the only one looking truly pathetic and spiteful is the Narc, not you. You will look like the stable one, being attacked by an unstable, scorned man who is spewing a bunch of preposterous ridiculous smack talk because he was cut out of a business deal and therefore made up a ludacris story about you, to smear you. Down play his smear of you entirely other than stating it is patently untrue. Put on your thinking cap and you can respond, minimally, to any inquiries they may have about his departure (if any! They may blow off his statements entirely or not want to be involved - they may only want to know how soon he can be replaced by a similarly qualified business mentor). You will look like the level headed one and he'll look like a horse's ass in the long run. All the best and good luck to you.
Mar 25 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

exactly!

anyone inquires you just say "It's sad that he's telling people that. Really sad." then say NOTHING else... it will drive him INSANE that he's having ZERO effect on you. Smear now or smear later... if he does it now when you cut him off - it will, over time, put you in the power seat. the key is to NOT complain or start raging when you hear the smear... he will just use that to say "SEE I told you she was crazy." Smear away a**hat - lies always catch up with the liar. Always. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 25 - 7PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

accusations

N's ALWAYS lie, and often lie about us. My exN HAD to have slandered me in order to get back into his current GF's graces again, not to mention others. What do I say? I don't give a flying flip. And the punishment continues. You can tell him the sky is blue and the grass is green at this point, and he'd say you're lying. He doesn't care. He is saving his own a$$ and is more than willing to take you down while trying. It's not about him trusting, like you did something to 'break trust' with a friend, which would be hurtful to a normal person, it's about HIM raging at the fact that you are no longer in compliance and know the score. This is all about rage and hurting you. That's it. Trying to convince and N of anything is totally futile. Don't waste your breath on him. Keep making the steps for yourself and your own benefit as has been discussed previously...if you keep giving him audience, you're giving him ammo...
Mar 25 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

The false acqusations and lies, what is important

They lie so badly, you have to laugh. How they can turn everything around on you, make you the bad guy, is preposterous, and again laughable. How can other people be so gullible to believe their lies! They will try to threaten you with "YOU were the one who wanted more out of the relationship" and that you were the one who was trying to get them to do bla bla and violate bla bla and ruin this and that. It is all their lies. They pull it off without a hitch. Just be silent. Realize what he is doing. Don't react. Don't defend. Realize, this is the game he plays with himself, the world, and you don't want to play the game of lies. If you are acquised of some lie the only thing that is important is that you know in your heart, you did not do these things. That is all that is important. He can try to position you to fight. Dont' do it. It takes a wise person to walk away. Look at his aquisations, and say,, wow. This is incredible. After me giving you abc of my life, this is what he has done. Bemoan his fate, that he is the horrible character. Be glad in your heart that you are not like that, you have been educated and ready to "step up". Don't react. Let it go. Anything else is a tangled web of his doing, that you don't want to have any part in, because it will only lead to be worse for you.