What Defines True Happiness...What Will Make me Feel I'm Complete?

This is a good topic Michele! I've always been restless. I think it is the nature of my previous career (before the Narc, and before I went back to grad school). You had to move around every two years or so to a bigger city, bigger company in order to "move up." So it's always been on my radar that every two years, I move. I've lived in 5 different states. But the last place I lived, I lived for 6 years. I think it was because I was truly happy there. Yes, I missed my family back home. And that was a main reason why I moved back to be close to them. But in that city, I had fantastic friends, a wonderful social life, and a good career. I had a balance, I was independent and successful, but I had no boyfriend/husband. I was still happy though. I'd like to get back to that point. I let the exN seep through that happiness of independence and make me see the beauty of relationships again, of loving someone and being loved. When he took that away, I was left with this deep, black hole that I'm still struggling to get out of. I'm back in my hometown. I have few friends here, although they are close friends. I still have no job, despite all my background and new master's degree. To me, being happy is having a good balance- friends, family, and personal independence. Hopefully, in time, I will get all that back for myself. If another man is part of that future, that's ok, but I need that personal happiness first.

I think there is a ton of happiness in simplicity. 1. Good Health 2. My son's good health 3. The ability to be comfortable...not wealthy but not as improvished as I am at this time...because at this level it is stressful, but it will improve at some point. 4. Inner peace I think that is really it - I don't need all the materalistic things, I'd like my apartment painted and maybe have the floors done because the shambles that this apartment is in colors my mood a darkish gray sometimes...but otherwise, I just want peace, my health, my son's health and to have a little wiggle room - the rest is a bonus. Hugs!

Holy tough question Michele! Without thinking superhard....my answer would be being true to yourself....with love, connections and spirituality based on your true self. Then sharing your true self....sending out the good in you....I believe you'll reap what you sow as well. Is this realistic? I think there are big barriers to this in our society/culture. I also think this is hard to develop if your basic needs aren't being met. Just my first thoughts on this :) ~KG

I like exactly what you wrote, liking and accepting WHO you are and knowing that their are people who will love and accept you for who you are No more will I turn myself into a pretzel to please someone else, in a vain attempt to win their approval.gratitude is really important, i have spoken to God and the universe being grateful for making the recent move i did and that i was financially able to because I struggle with low paying jobs so much of my life.I always try to be grateful for the smaller tings in life, even the Narc noticed that and bought himself a poster with Snoopy on it that said I enjoy the simple pleasures of life!I am glad I am enthusiastic about life and never give up hope of meeting a good man to share my life with.

I agree with PrettyPeeved about accepting who you are- we have to like who we are too and acting with honesty and integrity helps here. Generosity is important too and I don't mean financially. Being generous of spirit is a very rare qualilty... I once read that jealousy is fear by another name (because it is often linked to insecurity).I think that's true. Letting go of negative feelings is important in how we feel. Everyone always thinks happiness is something that other people are experiencing. I don't think you can maunfacture it and like all qualities I suppose it means different things to different people. For me it's not been about great surges of feeling but about learning to be content. I've been through a lot (my N is a minor problem compared to some of these things e.g. miscarriage). At my lowest point, I kept a gratitude diary. This really helped me shift my perspective. I've learnt to take happiness from small (non-material) things. When I was a girl I loved nature and now I try to reconnect with it. Sometimes I just take time to look and listen to the beauty around me. Better still- it's all free! Don't compare yourself to others- that's a quick route to unhappiness. Everyone is unique. Once you accept that you act well and have your very own inner beauty, you start to see the beauty on your own doorstep and that brings some serenity. So I guess what I'm saying is I will settle for being grateful for what I have- my life could be a lot worse! I think this is a really interesting thread.

My experience suggests: 1. Accepting yourself for who you are, warts and all. 2. Not worrying too much about what other people think. 3. Not clinging (a meditation term), i.e. not holding on to certain preconceptions that things should be a certain way, e.g. I have an issue with my narc hoovering all the damn time, and after a while I realise I'm "clinging" to the idea that he shouldn't be that kind of person. In reality I can't change him, so I shouldn't cling to this idea. It doesn't mean I have to accept his behaviour, but it also means I shouldn't get myself all wound up about it either. He can't help what he is but also I don't have to take any notice of it.