What is the best way to deprogram from my Narcissistic Stain

I shall call my narc "Stain." A stain is something ugly and unwanted and won't go away. I was wondering if any of you have any techniques for deprograming from all the bs. I feel as if I see the truth and then something triggers a fog and then *zap*, it's gone and I start to doubt and think Stain is right. Stain's right. I'm wrong. I forget about all the junk Stain's done and the pain and doubt. I can't focus on all I've read and remember how Stain fits ALL the DSM's criteria for narcissism. Stain isn't even physically in my presence. Stain uses texts. Stain at first used iChat, video chat, FB, long emails and rarely phone and then it dwindled to just texting. Stain must be some kind of NARC Genius. A real stubbornly covert stain. The overvaluing stage was AMAZING. Then he did the fade-away move. BUT he never has fully let me go. Honestly, I never feel good when I talk to him anymore. Just totally nauseated. I guess Stain's really done a fantastic job of planting sleeper cells. I want them gone. I want to SHOUT OUT this icky, smelly STAIN. I broke NC yesterday in a panic because I heard he had a new girl and might be engaged. I had been NC for four months after three years of talking literally every single day mostly through texts. I haven't actually seen Stain face to face (except video chat) in almost 20 years. We would plan to meet and than there was always a reason why he couldn't. Hmm. I'm supposedly the only true love Stain's ever had buuuuuut Stain just cant figure out how to see me. What is this crazy hold Stain has on me. I feel like crap. Thank you to all who have already reached out for me. I'm quite a mess today. I just want to deprogram and stick to it. Advice?