were there times when he seemed normal?

this is a great post, that is the hook, the times when all of a sudden he would seem normal, handed me a compliment out of the blue even sounded like a real man but then poof back to his personality disorder, it came in little bits and spurts, but not even that often in the whole 15 years i knew him.Like finallygotit said the same for me, sex was the only normal times for us both that he was the most NORMAL, but one time i did fee like a sex object before I knew anything about NPD.I remember once commenting I did not like his punishing his dog by putting him in the shed 'cause he peed on the carpet, an older do, and these most horrible look took over his face, like a monster, and he said if you do not like it you can leave, I should have, but had to work the next morning and it would have meant a huge amount of driving back and forth, that is the only reason I did not leave.I still kick myself over that one.It is Pavlov's reward and punishment reinforcement technique to keep you hooked, but at some point the mask does come off especially if you say anything critical to them, even in the use in essence, like my therapist said, they have NO SELF, pretty scary in my book!

because mine appeared so normal and reading these posts they are all the same. If I hadn't questioned anything, let little things go, like texting other women and disappearing for bits of time, I would probably still be with him. Once I started questioning and being suspicious, once we got really really close and I was living in his house (after being together only 5 months) the mask was coming off. I invaded his space and he couldn't lead his secret life. I was starting to get suspicious but he did a damn good job of making me think I was crazy with his sweetness, professing love, taking me on vacations, taking care of my kids. Mine was a sweet talking, very smart, manipulative liar and cheater. I made up my mind I wasn't going to sell my soul for a life of luxury. The spiral downward happened slow but I got out once and twice and went back again (gone forever now). By now he doesn't put the mask on anymore cause he knows it won't work. Mine would never say or do anything in front of anyone else, to the world he is the perfect man, behind closed doors he is a pathetic, alcoholic, lying, sex freak who used bits and pieces of mindfucks to play with my mind.

Oh absolutely. There were times I honestly questioned whether Mr. N was truly an N because he would say and do things that on the surface appeared incredibly normal (he professed great love for his last girlfriend). Lucky or unlucky for me...those were all just moments and the real Mr. N would come seeping through his well crafted mask until it would literally fall off. In fact, I don't think Mr. N wore much of a mask with me. I envy those women who got to see Mr. N with his mask securely on....he probably was wonderful at wooing them whereas I've been an object since day one. Sorry..that was a bit off topic.

I was "friends" with my ex for 2 years before we started the romantic relationship. I had always fancied him but he had always had other girlfriends, although he treated me like I was a special friend (IMPORTANT - By this I don't mean "friends with benefits", just that he treated me as if I was important to him and as if he really cared about me, even though I was not his girlfriend at the time). During the entire "friendship" period he seemed 100% normal - I can't emphasise this enough. In fact, at the time, I would have described him as one of the nicest people I had ever met. (Little did I know that I would go on to think he was the wickedest person I had ever met). He came across as charming, charismatic, well-mannered, friendly, trustworthy, kind and generous with good moral values and above average intelligence. The fact that I had been friends with him before and thought I knew him well was a large part of his attraction because I had been messed around a great deal in past relationships. I was determined not to pick another "bad boy"; this time I would pick a decent guy who would treat me with respect. This was definately one of the factors that made it so unthinkable that he could be being purposefully cruel to me and made me dismiss my gut instinct when it first kicked in telling me that something just "wasn't right" about him. If that was the case, I thought, surely I would have seen the signs of it during those first 2 years of friendship, right? WRONG!!! When he did begin to show his true colours, about 6 months into the relationship, it happened very gradually. The first red flag was an occasion when I was ill one time and really needed him to take care of me but he just left me on my own. The second red flag was an occasion where he was rude and hostile to his mother in front of me - I actually remember looking across the room at him and thinking "Who are you? This isn't my lovely boyfriend. What's happening?". The third red flag was an occasion where we were away for a weekend with some friends of his who I didn't really know and he completely ignored me for the entire time we were there. I can remember feeling confused, anxious and humiliated. On each of these occasions I couldn't believe that the person I knew and loved could be so ruthless. The way he behaved on those three occasions was NOTHING like how he was at the beginning of the romantic relationship, nor did he even faintly resemble the "special friend" that I had known before. This, along with the fact that I was head over heels in love with the guy and certain that I had met my prince, made it impossible for me to accept the painful reality of the situation. The only alternative was to blame myself for his behaviour, something that he was all too willing to encourage me to do. If this example isn't solid evidence of how good they can be at appearing "normal" for a sustained period of time in the early days then I don't know what is.

He was even weird and controlling just watching TV - no flexibility and did not seem to get jokes. Only normal part was love making - everything out of the bed was strange...

Mine switched from being a loving partner to a complete mental case whenever I mentioned anything that he thought insulted or was aimed at him. Most of the time my concerns were over my son's unhappiness or the need for a little help around the house. Not directly aimed at him!!! He would be so defensive and turn a little comment into World War 3. On a number of occassions he would get in his car and drive off and leave me worried sick. I would phone and text him but he would ignore me for a while and then reply saying that he was too upset to talk to me. He always said that if I left him alone for a while then when he came back it would be like we never argued in the first place. What a load of rubbish. He knew how much I worried, and did it to get me in a state and beg him to come back. I always always apologised. What a fool I was. If I was doing everything he wanted then he was as nice as pie. He was a complete lunatic. Can you imagine spending the rest of your days with someone like that?? If I would have stayed, I would have been in a mental asylum now xx

Hi, mine was not insulting me openly, but loved to humiliating me front of others... Once we had a dinner with a "friend" - I am sure by now they were sexually involved- and I asked him if he had ever something with her... he went back to the room and announced it loudly: SHE thinks we had something with you..... hahahahahaha-I can't tell you what did I feel that moment... but the answer should have woke me up, but it didnt. Oh I would never have anything with him, I KNOW HIM TOO WELL!!!!