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  5. Went on a nice date...Why am I hysterical crying???

Went on a nice date...Why am I hysterical crying???

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#1 Jun 20 - 10PM
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

Went on a nice date...Why am I hysterical crying???

It was a good time. Dinner and Elvis Costello concert. At the concert, he was so concerned that I was comfortable. He seemed protective and concerned about my well-being.

I couldn't help but think about the last concert I went to with ex-n. He kept telling me that "he could tell " that I wasn't having fun. I WAS having fun! I tried to tell him I was enjoying myself, he didn't believe me! When I wanted him to go with me to get a drink and sit down for a few minutes, he told me I RUINED "HIS" night because he wanted to dance, and we were going to lose our "place" on the concert floor, so we may as well leave. I had to beg him to stay. He said, "Why couldn't you go sit down by yourself? Why do you need a babysitter?" I knew we were going down a road that was really bad. I didn't know what to do!

The next day, he broke up with me. Because I ruined "his" concert.

Of course, stupid me, I got back together with him after that!

But that was the beginning of the end.

I am sitting here crying because I was treated the way I WISHED ex-n would have treated me.

Why was he so cruel? He punished me for every little thing! I could never do anything right!

I hope I am not stupid enough to push this new guy away because I can't get over EX-NARC. That would be really pathetic.

XOXO...

Mer

Jun 21 - 5PM
Cgrl
Cgrl's picture

You are not psthetic

If the new guy is in fact a " guy" and not a deranged narc he already knows you were treated bad and will go the extra mile because he is REAL in making you feel comfortable and being patient. Don't beat yourself up for your reaction. It's normal. When we get with normal guys we can't comprehend that they don't lie about thier actions or thier feelings. If you like him- talk to him. Take it slow and enjoy the time you have with him. Sometimes getting out there and seeing for ourselves that our narcs were so abnormal is all we need to help us through the process. You will be okay. Your narc will always have dysfunctional relationships. You have the chance to have a real relationship with a real man.
Jun 21 - 3PM
twisted
twisted's picture

Tears are soap for the soul.

Tears are soap for the soul. :)
Jun 21 - 2PM
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

Thank you all for making me

Thank you all for making me feel a little better. I must see the ex-N for who he really is..an emotionally abusive baby. XOXO Mer
Jun 21 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I agree Skip the date

I agree Skip the date thing! You are still getting over the head fuck! Hunter
Jun 21 - 8AM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

too soon

Mer this is too soon It doesn't seem that you are ready emotionally you are still raw you need some time for your self if you can't enjoy being with someone right now then why? it's good to get out but you are comparing apples and oranges the new guy is treating you just fine and yet you are still longing for EXN it's too soon I think sending you hugs today
Jun 21 - 7AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

hi Mer.

It really is way too early to date, 6 months is nothing, I am over 2 plus years out and only about 6 months or so ago, really felt strong enough and, over him enough, to date. Try just a friendship and take it real SLOW and i mean slow, when you heart is not healed a man can tell, plus it is not fair to the guy, think if the situation was reversed,I met a man and I was not ready many months ago, and he never called me back, good luck. there is no timetable to get over someone you loved, I wish there were and I would have been done long ago in that case!Your heart takes a long time to get over compared to your head...............
Jun 21 - 7AM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

your N, of course, sounds

your N, of course, sounds just like mine he used to tell me "you always look like your on the verge of crying" which, by the end, I really was and "don't be such a little girl" I think maybe you just aren't ready to date yet. That's ok. Everyone heals in their own time. Don't rush yourself. p.s. I'm jealous, I love Elvis Costello!
Jun 20 - 10PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

It would not be pathetic.

It would not be pathetic. Maybe you just aren't ready to date yet. I remember my first date afterwards, I came home crying as well. It was too soon, honestly. Made me fell good to have the attention, but really empty inside because of the loss, the void, that this new, very nice man, could not fill. It was way too soon. Good luck! You will find your way.
Jun 21 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

Thanks, Sparrow. I wish I

Thanks, Sparrow. I wish I could just remove the part of ex-n's brain that makes him like this so I could have the good part of him back. Since that will never happen, I have no choice but to move on. It's been 6 months for God's sake! I should be ready by now. XOXO Mer
Jun 21 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Brains are just right

the way they are. His brain is just right (disordered narcfish), your brain is just right. They're just not right together. There isn't a good part of him, there is a whole human being, empty and sick. When you know this truth to your core, and accept it, you will be healed. Sound like you have a little "bargaining" issue still brooding. Maybe check out the 5 stages of grief. Keep up the good work, 5 months out is awesome, you deserve to be free!
Jun 21 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
Littleone
Littleone's picture

A few websites I've been on

A few websites I've been on say to take AT LEAST a year off dating after this. Try not to be too hard on yourself! I'm planning on allowing myself that year unless I feel ready. Allow yourself to enjoy bring single. I made the fatal mistake of rushing into a relationship with my n when I was vulnerable. No more rushing for me!!