Weird thing to get mad about?

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#1 Aug 10 - 1PM
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

Weird thing to get mad about?

So today my N called me while he was at work. He is an electrician and is out in the field, I am also at work but work in an office. He is supposed to be getting a big check deposited in his account today for selling his truck. He called me and asked me if I could check his bank account for him. I told him no because I felt uncomfortable doing that. He asked why and said that I always used to do it for him. I explained to him that we are not together and I do not want to look through his personal information. He told me that I make no sense and that it isnt a big deal. He got upset and kept telling me that I am crazy and make no sense at all. I said "I dont get why you are upset that I am being respectful of your private information" he responded by saying "Exactly! You dont get anything. Nothing makes sense to you and you dont understand anything!" I just said that I am busy and cant talk anymore about this and that I have to get back to work. Doesnt this seem like a silly reason for someone to get mad? Because you wont snoop through their private information? I am sure that he is just raging because I told him no and this is my punishment! But how weird!

Aug 11 - 5AM
awayfromhim
awayfromhim's picture

Rainbow - you continue to

Rainbow - you continue to communicate with this guy and then don't understand why he does what he does. He's an ass and you need to get away from him. Do you think that he is eventually going to change? Is he going to see how good and kind you are and return goodness and kindness back to you? He won't. Ever. He can't. Here's one of many scenarios I went through in regards to what you consider getting mad at something weird. In this case, and yours, it boils down to the N simply not getting his way. Like the kid who's pissed he can't have what he wants, he pitches a fit. *cell phone rings* me - hi n - you have to pick up my dry cleaning me - I can't - have something else I have to do n - I can't get there in time. They will be closed me - I can't get the cleaning n - I NEED MY FU%$ING SHIRTS!! (note he has at least a dozen more in the closet at home) me - don't yell, I can't do it n - WTF!!! what time does the place close? (note, he already said he wouldn't get there in time so he knew what time the place closed) me - I'm sure you know when they close since you know you won't get there in time. I can't do it. n - YOU ARE SO FU%#$ED UP AND SELFISH!! me - I'm not going to tolerate this behavior. I'm hanging up. n - DON'T YOU HANG UP ON ME….*I hang up* *cell phone rings, I don't pick up* n on voicemail - YOU SELFISH BITCH!! CALL ME BACK AND GIVE ME THE NUMBER FOR THE DRY CLEANERS. I NEED MY FU*$%ING SHIRTS!! I did not call back but let me tell ya' I was scared of him this day and I have never forgotten this conversation. It was the catalyst that had me see an attorney and start saving for a retainer to file for divorce. Your guy is a jerk, he will not change, and you are in for a whole lot of pain if you continue with him.
Aug 10 - 6PM
positivefuture
positivefuture's picture

control, drama, or

loss of control is an issue for him, and of course now he can create drama from you saying no and try to make you feel badly (they are sooo good at that), or maybe there is something he wants you to see in his account. whenever mine posted i love you on my facebook wall i knew there was something on his wall he wanted me to see. a picture of him with another woman, or how many new friends he has, anything to try and start drama. but i think this is about losing control over you. good for you for saying no. it's empowering!!! right? stay strong :)
Aug 10 - 4PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Getting angry over weird things

It's a common trait among Ns/Ps, but it's an even bigger thing among Ps who looove their power trips (my analogy is this:Narcissists recognize only their humanity, Psychopaths think they're God) My ex-N boss would rage and shout obscenities if I put a honey container on the counter without wiping the bottom. If it wasn't done EXACTLY his way, there would be raging. A honey bottle isn't going to endanger anyone's life. He'd get mad over petty things... but he had no problems NOT firing an obese coworker who exposed himself to women,and who got an underaged girl to bare her bosom. My ex-P professor was WORSE (making my former boss look human, gentle) I complimented him behind his back-he raged. I talked about the book he was writing (it still hasn't been published-LOL)-he raged, then spread vicious gossip about me. Oh, and he BLAMED me for HIS bad behavior. I showed sympathy when his aunt came down with cancer--he raged. I told him I wanted him and the OW to be happy-he'd rage. No wonder when I told him that he was anger and openly wondered WHY, he got in denial with "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed." He'd rage if I wished him a happy day or happy evening. No wonder my classmates thought they were dealing with a mental patient instead of a teacher.
Aug 10 - 3PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

The action you took with him

The action you took with him today is out of character for you honey. He may sense a bit of letting go on your part. He has always maintained control over you and in this act is a sign of independence. Something he would never want to see from you. Loss of control over us is one of their biggest fears. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 10 - 3PM
Steph
Steph's picture

He's mad because you were

He's mad because you were supposed to say: " Yes, narc. I would love to do that for you. I am so honoured that you wanted little me to do something for you, the almighty God. You have just made my day by asking me to do you a favour. I love you so much. I can't wait to do this for you. You are so special and I love you love you love you!!" Blah. What a narc he is! Stay strong girl!
Aug 10 - 2PM
herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture

Hmm..

Maybe there was something else in there he wanted you to see. AND/OR he wanted you to look at all that money he just got so that you could be SOOOOO impressed. You did the right thing and that killed him too. He wants to believe you are just like him, ready to snoop and invade someone's space. That makes him feel better about the person he is. Don't you just love when they call US crazy!? lol
Aug 10 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

The reason he got mad is

The reason he got mad is because he gave you an "order" and you refused to obey. When we refuse to obey, they feel powerlessness, which terrifies them. That is a Narc's greatest fear. That's why they'll go to any length, however ridiculous (or violent) to get their "power over you" back.
Aug 10 - 1PM
WellRed
WellRed's picture

They are ALL weird!! Last

They are ALL weird!! Last Sunday I was talking to my Mom on the phone. It was about 10:30am and the N was still asleep. She asked about him and I told her he had a long week and was sleeping in. WELL - The N heard me and jumped out of bed and screamed "Why did you tell her THAT??? WHy didn't you tell her I was up working??" TRANSLATION: Why do you tell the truth about me, never, never tell the truth about me!!
Aug 10 - 1PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Exactly,

Said it yourself, you told him "No." It doesnt matter what you said no to. That isn't the point. He can't order you around anymore. He was just testing you again. THAT IS the point. Your'e getting it, girl. I see you are getting stronger. Good for you. I hope you can find a new employment situation, though, and soon. The less opportunities he has to test you the better for you.
Aug 10 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
RandomGal
RandomGal's picture

Yep good for you......well

Yep good for you......well done x