weight and physical appearance
weight and physical appearance
Dearest Ladies,
I "should" know better than this. But I guess right now I don't.
I have been obsessing for days about my weight. About how my STBX husband told me repeatedly that he "never wanted a fat wife." I have gone through phases of weight loss, weight gain, yo-yo patterns....depending mostly on how I was feeling emotionally and physically. Able to get out and exercise? Feel well enough emotionally to do it? Etc.
Bottom line: I gained weight and yes, I knew he never wanted an overweight wife. So I let him down on that one. I did.
Weird thing is, when I wasn't overweight, was working, exercising, doing everything "right" he still didn't really want me sexually. Oh, he would SAY all the right things and compliment me up one downside and down the other. But did he act on it? Not often. Occasionally. I am not obese, nor do I mean to degrade anyone who may be. I AM about 30 pounds overweight, of which I am not proud. But I always thought that we had more than such superficial issues that held us together....HA! He now says that was the number one factor in his leaving me.
Now, I checked out one of Barbara's sites about "the enemy" and how to "pick up women".
Yes, disgusting. And yet....please help me here....much of what is said there is just the same: looks matter more than anything and if you don't have the "figure" forget it. They are not interested. I even had a very dear male friend of mine for over 30 years say to me:
For Men, it's all about the "visuals".
And you know, as Much As I Hate That I think: yes, it Is. Because men and women are Different. Would I reject a husband or serious B/F because he gained some weight. NO.
Would he? Obviously. Because I, as a woman, think about the relationship in terms of emotional connection and commitment. In terms of knowing the other's true self and appreciating that regardless of injury, appearance, etc. I remember one time that I told my husband I had never really cared that much about how a man looked physically. He was aghast. "You're kidding!" How could you NOt? I don't think this is just because he is a narcissist. I think it is a very common man's reaction to the importance of physical attraction.
So... guess what I'm looking for is what have your experiences in this realm been? And how do you interpret what it means? Or any other thoughts that come into your heads.
It may help me to bitch and moan about this "unfairness" but when it ultimately boils down, I am thinking it is about the difference between men and women and how they look or feel about this issue. Anyway, thanks for reading and thinking....CM
i hate n's..
When women are under stress
Stress, Cortisol and Weight Gain
weight doesn't matter...
Weight & Appearance
The issue is his
centerfold syndrome
Ruby et. al
Ridding Horses...
Horse poop....
weight and appearance.
I *know* this is a touchy
powerful statement
"You wanted a REAL HUSBAND
Sugar, I probably weigh 30
weight
barbara et.al.
cassiemay
You know, these attacks are
heck yeah