We were in LOVE

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 20 - 5AM

NancyM

We were in LOVE

Hi all

I just wanted to post this about why it is all so hard because this is one thing that needs to be acknowledged by everyone.

I notice that a lot of people are struggling with how we got duped for so long but in truth we ALL fell in love with the image in the beginning. Deep , mad, forgiving, giving LOVE. We simply did not know that so many others around us simply do not have the capacity for it. Please don't any of you consider you were stupid in any way, shape or form. You are all just loving human beings, and that is the only reason why they wanted you. How many of us waited for so long for that guy in the beginning to come back and believed that we had done something wrong for him to disappear.

That was the trick! They know that once they get us hooked it is so terribly hard to tear ourselves away from them no matter how badly they treat us.

My first encounter often said
"Treat em mean, keep em keen" then giggle while I was in earshot.

My last one told me that he just had to get me to fall in love with him and I would belong to him forever. He said that was all he had to do. (got news for him) Anyway the key word here is belong. Once you are their property, that's all you are.

But to reiterate, our biggest crime was falling in love, not being dumb or thinking we should have known. Knowing what we do now, and working with that is the way forward.

Best wishes to everybody here as you move forward.

#2 Jun 20 - 6AM

helldweller

Waiting for him to come back

"I know that man I fell in love with is in there somewhere. I'm waiting for him to come back." I said that over and over and over, to myself and to everyone else. Problem is, that man never existed. It's a incredible shock and I'm crying now again just remembering how he looked at me when he said, "I love you forever." It's so, so shocking.

#3 Jun 20 - 12PM (Reply to #20)

betty2020

Helldweller

It is so shocking to think the person you spent so much energy, time and love on was not what he portrayed himself to be. Before this person I had never experienced a N before. I had very little knowledge of their existence or the damage they create. I still cant fathom being with someone that can put on such a front with having no feelings for you. How can they do this and sustain for so long? I have dated, fallen in love, fallen out of love and i cant stand to be in the same room with the person! I feel bad but if my heart is not there, it is impossible for me to stay. I know when it is not right and i cant bring myself to be with someone i simply do not love. Sounds harsh but at least i am honest. I don't keep someone hanging on and string them along. I have too much guilt and remorse. How these monsters can do this with no regard for others is just criminal. You are absolutely right they never existed to begin with.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#4 Jun 20 - 7AM (Reply to #5)

NancyM

helldweller

You are right, it is so so shocking to learn that truth. That is when the world flips upside down and we become Alice in wonderland. When I finally found someone who knew what I was talking about, I did focus on that. I knew what I thought he was did not exist and that who he really is just became dead to me. (((HUGS))) to you. Sometimes I think we should start a victimspeak link. WTF would top the list. Here is one I have heard often, "If you don't like me , why are you with me?" "If you don't like me, why won't you let me go?" hang in there.

Nevergoback

#5 Jun 20 - 7AM (Reply to #6)

helldweller

Nancy M

Hugs to you, too. The top of the victimspeak list would not even be WTF. It would be silence because of our mouths hanging open, incredulous, before we even pull ourselves together enough to say WTF!

#6 Jun 20 - 7AM (Reply to #7)

NancyM

Jaw on the floor.

That made me laugh because it is absolutely true!!

Nevergoback

#7 Jun 20 - 10AM (Reply to #8)

hitandrun

helldweller and NancyM

That was good...jaw on the floor! So true. And WTF is definitely up there. Thank you for the laugh...needed it. Woke up in a very bad mood. It's been coming since Thursday...you can feel it. Anyway, guess it's time for another "come to Jesus" meeting with myself. It's like I cannot finish ANYTHING. It's like I am stuck in time or just plain stuck. Y'all are right...loving someone is a GOOD quality. Unfortunately we didn't know some people do not have that ability. And that is surely a WTF!!!!!!

#8 Jun 20 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Introspection

It's good to hear from you Hitandrun...

I was really concerned that you had not posted. I hope you feel better sweetheart, I'll be praying for your peace! Stay strong!

#9 Jun 20 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

hitandrun

Thanks Introspection

Just having a hard time with it right now. It's like I am fine and hopeful for a bit, and then it all turns to sh*t. Cannot stand that I am in a place of crying all the time. Hopefully, this too shall pass. I am at the point where I have to write down WHEN I last took a shower and other weird stuff that usually comes as second nature...you know, normal habits. They've all become a challenge. Thank you for the prayers...I need them : ) Much love to you.

#10 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #15)

betty2020

I really feel for u

I really feel for u hitandrun. I am still in the early stages here and have many moments that i am useless. I just feel frozen and unable to make progress. Even everyday tasks that i never gave a second thought to is damn near impossible. I think it is just baby steps. everyday try to do one thing different. Just one, no matter how big or small. Maybe it would be to call a friend, go to the store ect... I have good days and bad ones. Somedays i lock myself in and only come to the board (today being one of those), but i took 30 minutes, got in my car and drove through the country. I know it can be lonely going through all of this without the physical presence of a person to help support you. I gave up family and friendships when i moved with the N. So its starting over for me. I wish my family got it. Wish my friends got it. They dont though. But You do, so i come here. Just keep coming back here and when you feel like you can try to do something, go do it. Its gonna get better:)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#11 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #16)

hitandrun

betty2020

We will get through this. I don't have many friends left after being with him. But the one's I have are true blue. My family has been awesome, but they are so sick of hearing it. So I just journal or come on the board. Totally get it. Made myself run errands today. Hey I washed my hair! Wow! And I have a biz appointment tomorrow. It's like being bipolar...but more on the depressive side. It is like starting over. I never felt lonely in my whole life...not even as a child. After this experience, I know what lonliness is. Let's hang tough together, keep posting and supporting each other. I pray in 5 years(hopefully sooner) I can look back at this and be grateful and wonder why I gave a crap at all about this person. Much love to you.

#12 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

betty2020

OMG girl your moving along a

OMG girl your moving along a lot better than you realize! My family and few friends are great but just are tired of hearing me talk bout it. Everything you say is so insightful. You have so much to offer. I think all of us here have bigger plans in the works that we are unaware of but will soon become apparent. There must be a reason we had to be the ones picked for this miserable life lesson. We must stick together. I too have never been lonely but clearly know the experience today. Out of this i have a better appreciation for the real people that i do have in my life. It has also given me the wisdom to identify what is real and what is not. But ur right about the bipolar. UPPPPPP and DOWWWNNNN. I will say the Prozac did help a bit though. Well at least i stopped crying now. Im with ya girl ,right by your side......xoxoxo

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#13 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #19)

hitandrun

Thanks betty2020!

I feel like posting a hymn(at least I think it's a hymn): "WE SHALL OVERCOOOME WE SHALL OVERCOOOME!"...you get the picture. We all must be pretty damn special to be going through this storm : ) I'm an xoxox'er too. Thanks for reminding me! xoxoxoxo

#14 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #18)

betty2020

What an idea....Maybe in 5

What an idea....Maybe in 5 years we can plan a party, all meet for a reunion in person.. It would be so awesome to put a face and a real name to all those who share their experiences with us! How great that would be :)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#15 Jun 20 - 4PM (Reply to #11)

Introspection

I totally understand, believe me...

it is all too familiar. The rollercoaster affect of the high and lows, the feeling physically ill and have to force the food down my throat to eat. What helped me snap out of this was working out. I started to get out to the track to run. I know you are thinking that I've lost it...if you can't even find the strength to do routine things like eat and shower, how could you even find the strength to go out to run. All of it has to be forced sweetheart. Force yourself to do it. I know that at one point you were taking meds, perhaps they are affecting you? I never took meds other than sleeping aids to help me at night. My doctor offered many different anti-depressants but my poor brain was already at overload...I didn't. Besides, I was drinking heavily during this time and just never wanted to mix it. Just an option you may consider sweetheart...I'm really worried about you.

#16 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #12)

hitandrun

I will be okay, Introspection

I believe the combination of meds,PMS from hell, looking at the reality of my financial situation just has pushed me to the edge. I have made an agreement with myself to walk...I'd probably keel over if I ran! For the first time in my life I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this week. Do not want to be on meds forever, but I think she will know much more than my GP. I Understand the drinking thing. I have also put the smackdown on that...not that I was drinking everyday, but when I went out with friends EVERYBODY DRINKS, and I do not think that is a good thing right now. Introsprection, I truly appreciate your concern, I do. But I have no choice but to push through this. Forcing myself is correct...I have to force myself to do everything. No matter how much I loved him, it doesn't matter. He doesn't give a sh*t about me. If he did he would be with me right now. If he did, I wouldn't have to be going to court. You are right, he doesn't mess with me because I FOUND OUT ABOUT HIS LIES. Busted...I am too much trouble for him. He has no idea about my pain or what's going on with me. Our only connection has found him to be more fun(heavy drinkers)and have kicked my a$$ to the curb. This is someone who was my best friend for 20 years..so it is a double whammy. Funny, I always said to him " Actions speak louder than words." His actions or lack there of have spoken VOLUMES. Much love to you.

#17 Jun 20 - 6PM (Reply to #14)

happydaysahead

OMG

HE has said "Actions speak louder than words" to ME like 1000000000000000 times ! And stupid me fell for it. HUH ?? He actually had me believing that I was the guilty one !! When I look back, I have to laugh, but cry at the same time. I did not know about the projection thing, but now that I do, WOW, did he get me good !! It was almost like he was tattling on himself, but again, I did not see it then, but I sure do now !! Everything he bitched at me about was really everything HE was doing !!

#18 Jun 20 - 5PM (Reply to #13)

Introspection

Amen sweetheart...

You got it! Much love right back atacha!!!

#19 Jun 20 - 6AM

NancyM

Crime

Wanted to edit that because loving someone is never a crime. Its just a shame that we wasted it on those that never deserved it.

Nevergoback

#20 Jun 20 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

Happy1

true

I know it's hard to wrap my head around this they don't know how to love or feel and I'm just a piece of property to him. Nothing more. He thinks the same of me as he does his truck. I'm easy to trade in and get a new one. Very hard to have loved with nothing in return. Hard to let go of the love. It's a bad day.

#21 Jun 20 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Janet

Amen to all the posts above.

Amen to all the posts above. Peace. J

Peace. J

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